Рита Браун: Sneaky Pie's Cookbook For Mystery Lovers

Books by Rita Mae Brown

with Sneaky Pie Brown

WISH YOU WERE HERE

REST IN PIECES

MURDER AT MONTICELLO

PAY DIRT

MURDER, SHE MEOWED

MURDER ON THE PROWL

CAT ON THE SCENT

Books by Rita Mae Brown

THE HAND THAT CRADLES THE ROCK

SONGS TO A HANDSOME WOMAN

THE PLAIN BROWN RAPPER

RUBYFRUIT JUNGLE

IN HER DAY

SIX OF ONE

SOUTHERN DISCOMFORT

SUDDEN DEATH

HIGH HEARTS

STARTING FROM SCRATCH:

A DIFFERENT KIND OF WRITERS’ MANUAL

BINGO

VENUS ENVY

DOLLEY:

A NOVEL OF DOLLEY MADISON IN LOVE AND WAR

RIDING SHOTGUN

RITA WILL:

MEMOIR OF A LITERARY RABBLE-ROUSER

AUTHOR’S NOTE

CAT CUISINE is very simple: meat, fish, and fowl. We are obligate carnivores, which means we must eat meat to stay healthy. Not that one has to eat as much as my sidekick Pewter, whose butt is so big you could show a movie on it. A kitty should know his or her limits.

I’ve included my favorite recipes plus a few for humans, dogs, and even a couple for horses.

Personally, I enjoy eating with humans but I refuse to eat with dogs. All that gobbling and swallowing chunks of food whole just turns my stomach. Then you spend the rest of the day listening to the symphony played by their intestines. Cats are ever so elegant compared to dogs.

I have personally tested each cat recipe, Tucker has tested the dog recipes and my veterinarian, Christopher Middleton, has checked them out, too. I’ve noted serving sizes only on those recipes for humans. The servings for cats, dogs, and a few others will vary from animal to animal. Tell your human to consider these treats. I’m assuming your regular diet has the protein and carbohydrates you need plus a touch of fat for the winter.

You’ll find no recipes for mouse tartare, mole souffléé, or batwing soup. If I included them and your humans read this, the poor souls would faint dead away. You know how squeamish they are. Imagine telling them how to bite off a mouses’s head? Get the smelling salts!

I hope you enjoy these and I wish you bon appétit and good health.

Yours in Catitude,

Sneaky Pie

RECIPES

Mrs. Hogendobber’s Orange Cinnamon Buns

New Year’s Tuna

Sunday Salmon Dinner

Just Right Chicken

Chicken Corn Soup

Sardine Sandwich

Dog Bait

Big Dog’s Delight

Goat’s Milk for Orphaned Kittens and Puppies

Mom’s Birthday Cake

Deviled Eggs

Mother’s Fried Chicken

Rabbit Food

Nelson County Apple Crisp

Buckingham Mayonnaise

Christmas Goose

Juts’s Mortgage Mincemeat

Dog Cookies

The Dog’s Dinner

Salmon Pie

Veal Kidney

Molasses Mash

Sneaky’s Favorite Oysters

Pewter’s Favorite Crab

Horse Cookies

Human

MRS. HOGENDOBBER’S ORANGE CINNAMON BUNS

Makes 24

1 (¼—ounce) package active dry yeast

¼ cup worm water

1 cup milk, scalded

¼ cup granulated sugar

¼ cup (½ stick) unsalted butter or margarine

1 teaspoon salt

3 ½ cups all—purpose flour

1 large egg

¼ cup (½ stick) unsalted butter, melted

½ cup brown sugar

2 teaspoons cinnamon

½ cup raisins (optional)

TOPPING

⅔ cup brown sugar

½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter or margarine

2 tablespoons light corn syrup

⅓ cup orange marmalade

Stir the yeast into the warm water and allow to soften (about 5 minutes).

Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, combine the milk, granulated sugar, ¼ cup butter, and salt. Set aside to cool.

Once the milk and sugar mixture has cooled, add 1 ½ cups flour and beat well. Beat in the softened yeast and egg. Gradually stir in the remaining flour to form a soft, sticky dough.

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead the dough briefly to form a smooth ball. Place the kneaded dough in a greased bowl, turning the dough several times to grease the surface. Cover the bowl with a damp cloth and let rise until doubled in volume, 1 ½ to 2 hours.

While the dough is rising, combine all the ingredients for the topping in a small saucepan. Heat slowly over low heat, stirring often, until the brown sugar has dissolved. Pour the warm topping mixture into two 8 × 8 × 2-inch pans and set aside.

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and divide in half. Form half into a ball and let rest while rolling the other half into a 12 × 8-inch rectangle.

Brush the rolled dough with half the melted butter, sprinkle with ¼ cup brown sugar, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, and ¼ cup raisins, if using. Roll lengthwise into a tube and pinch the edges together to seal. Cut the roll crosswise into twelve 1-inch slices.

Roll the other ball into a 12 × 8-inch rectangle and repeat step 7.

Place the slices, cut sides down, on top of the topping mixture in the prepared pans. Cover; let rise about 35 to 40 minutes. Preheat the oven to 350°G F.

10. Remove the cover from the pans and bake the buns about 30 minutes, or until brown on top. Cool 2 to 3 minutes, invert on plates, and remove the pans.

WHAT A CHARACTER Mrs. Miranda Hogendobber is. She’s a devout member of The Church of the Holy Light. She quotes scripture better than TV preachers. She sings in the choir. She fudges about her age but is finally brought up short by her fiftieth high school reunion. She helps out at the Crozet post office, where she is good friends with the much younger Mary Minor Harristeen, the postmistress. Widowed, Mrs. H. hasn’t much money. She often brings in treats she’s baked and Harry, as well as others, encourage her to sell her baked goods.

She finally does go next door to the convenience market and the proprietor says he’ll give it a go. Well, her items are a hit, but none so much as these orange cinnamon buns. The success gives Mrs. H. what she calls “pin money.”

I adore Mrs. H. because in my very first mystery, Wish You Were Here , she doesn’t much care for cats and dogs. Mrs. Murphy, with help from Tucker, wins her over—but of course!

Cat

NEW YEAR’S TUNA

1 (6—ounce) can tuna packed in oil—unless you’re fat, then use a can of tuna packed in water

½ pint half—and—half (Again, if you’re a fat cat change that to an equal amount of 2% milk.)

Mix the ingredients together until mushy. Humans won’t like it so you’ll have it all to yourself. And although we all deserve a great big treat on New Year’s Eve, this is probably enough for you and a feline friend.

Serve precisely at twelve o’clock midnight for a prosperous New Year.

AS YOU KNOW, I live in the South, which means that each New Year’s Eve the humans are boiling black-eyed peas. The first food of the New Year they put in their mouths has to be black-eyed peas. You won’t catch me eating a black-eyed pea or any other pea for that matter.