Рита Браун: Sneaky Pie's Cookbook For Mystery Lovers

SIMPLE DRESSING

Extra-virgin olive oil

High-quality vinegar (Mom especially likes raspberry vinegar)

Mix three parts oil to one part vinegar to taste. Flavored oils, such as lemon or garlic, can add a nice twist to the dressing. If you’re feeling adventurous, try adding a dash of orange juice, a tablespoon of mustard, a teaspoon of shaved fresh ginger, or even a little white wine.

OCCASIONALLY ONE MUST serve food to a herbivore. They’re so weird. Nothing could induce me to eat this salad, although Pewter will pick out the bacon and cheese. Humans like it fine, as do rabbits. I knew a turtle once who ate a salad but he also ate a chicken’s foot. It’s probably not a good idea to dwell on his gastronomic feats.

Dog/Human

NELSON COUNTY APPLE CRISP

Serves 6

5 to 6 juicy apples (about 2 ½ pounds), peeled, cored, and cut into eights

2 teasppons lemon juice

½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into very small pieces

¾ cup pastry flour

1 cup sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

¼ teaspoon grated nutmeg

Whipped cream or Nutmeg Sauce (recipe gollows)

Preheat the oven to 375°G F.

In a medium bowl, toss the apples with the lemon juice.

Arrange the apples in a greased pie plate or shallow baking dish (8 × 8 × 2 inches).

In a medium bowl, blend together with your fingers the butter, flour, sugar, and spices as for a piecrust. Press this mixture over the top of the apples.

Bake until golden brown and the juices are bubbling, 1 to 1 ¼ hours.

Serve with whipped cream or Nutmeg Sauce.

NUTMEG SAUCE

1 tablespoon unsalted butter

1 cup sugar

1 tablespoon all—purpose flour

1 teaspoon grated nutmeg

Pinch of salt

2 to 3 tablespoons water

In a small saucepan, over medium heat, melt the butter. Whisk in the sugar, flour, nutmeg, and salt. Gradually whisk in the water, whisking until well combined.

Allow the mixture to cook at a rolling boil for 5 minutes, stirring frequently.

Remove from the stove and serve while hot over the apple crisp.

I DON’T KNOW why the dogs like this but they do.

Horses love apples. However, never turn a horse out in a field with an apple tree that’s still producing fruit because the horses will eat apples that aren’t ripe, tearing them off the branches, or they’ll eat the overripe fruit that’s fallen to the ground. Either way, you’ve got a sick horse.

I enjoy sitting in an apple tree in springtime. The activity dazzles me—bees everywhere, caterpillars, and birds chasing after the caterpillars. For a cat, an apple tree is a little bit of heaven.

Human

BUCKINGHAM MAYONNAISE

(Recipe from 1872)

Makes 1 ⅔ cups

½ cup distilled white vinegar

2 tablespoons (¼ stick) unsalted butter

1 large egg

1 cup vegetable oil

2 tablespoons dry mustard

1 tablespoons all-purpose flour

Pinch of salt

In a medium saucepan over medium heat, heat the vinegar and butter together until boiling.

Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, whisk together the egg, sugar, and dry mustard. Whisk in the flour and salt.

Whisk the egg mixture into the boiling vinegar mixture. Boil until thick, whisking constantly, about 2 minutes.

MOTHER LIKES TO eat mayonnaise bread. She piles the mayo on the bread, happy as she can be. I, too, love mayonnaise and if I don’t get a teaspoonful, I steal her mayonnaise bread when she’s not looking. If you’re in danger of getting caught, throw the bread on the floor and blame the dogs.

Cat/Dog/Human

CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Serves 6

1 (8-pound) freshly dressed goose, washed, patted dry, extra fat, neck, gizzard removed (Cut off long neck skin.)

Salt and pepper

Potato and Bread Stuffing (recipe follows) or use a packaged mix

4 cups water

2 tablespoons cornstarch dissolved in ¼ cup water

Preheat the oven to 350°G F.

Sprinkle the salt and pepper inside the cavity of the goose. Fill the cavity with the prepared stuffing. Secure the stuffed cavity with skewers.

Place the bird, breast side down, on a wire rack in a roasting pan. Add 2 cups water to the pan and cover with heavy-duty foil.

Roast for 4 hours.

During the last 20 minutes of baking time, increase the temperature to 450°G F.; remove the foil and turn breast side up to brown.

Remove the goose from the roasting pan and place on a serving platter while making the gravy. Make the gravy by removing the fat from the roasting pan. Place the roasting pan over the burners on top of the stove and add 2 cups water to the brownings. Thicken with the cornstarch dissolved in water. Stir over low heat until all the brownings have dissolved and the mixture has thickened.

POTATO AND BREAD STUFFING

Makes 6 cups of stuffing

½ cup water

½ cup chooped celery with leaves

¼ cup chopped onion

1 teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon freshly ground flack pepper

1 tablespoon chopped parsley

Pinch of saffron

2 cups mashed potatoes

3 eggs, lightly beaten

2 cups frsh bread cubes

In a 1-quart saucepan, bring the water to a boil; add the celery, onion, salt, pepper, parsley, and saffron. Boil approximately 7 minutes, until the celery is clear.

In a large bowl, lightly mix the celery mixture with the potatoes, beaten eggs, and bread cubes until well combined.

At this point, the mixture is ready to be stuffed into the cavity of the bird. If used as a side dish, bake in a buttered dish in a preheated oven at 350°G F. for 30 minutes.

THIS RECIPE HAS been in the Buckingham family (Mother’s maternal family) since their beginnings in America, 1620. Written first in the family Bible, it was updated when non-wood-burning stoves became popular. As the first Buckingham (Thomas) fled England, we figure it’s an old English recipe. The English consider goose a great delicacy.

You’ve got to love a people who, at the end of the fourteenth century, made Dick Whittington the Lord High Mayor of London because he had a smart cat.

Because it’s special and takes time, we only cook a goose for Christmas, which brings up another Buckingham peculiarity. They always have at least one tabby cat. They believe that a tabby cat helped the Blessed Virgin Mother at Christmas. When baby Jesus couldn’t get to sleep the tabby hopped in the manger and purred the baby to sleep while helping keep him warm. The cat’s reward was to have an M marked on her forehead, Mary’s cat. To this day some tabby cats have the M. They are descendants of Mary’s cat. I have the M on my forehead.