Рита Браун: Sneaky Pie's Cookbook For Mystery Lovers

Remove the chicken from the pot, cut into small pieces, and serve at room temperature. One small chicken will be enough for several meals.

Divide the stock in half. Refrigerate half and use later to lightly sprinkle over dry cat food—chicken flavor, of course.

Use the other half of the stock to make chicken soup for humans. Our favorite is Chicken Corn Soup (recipe follows).

Human

CHICKEN CORN SOUP

Serves 4 to 6

8 cups chicken stock

1 cup white rice

2 hard-boiled eggs. peeled and sliced

2 cups white corn (the kernels from about 3 ears)

3 tablespoons coarsely chopped fresh passley (or 2 teaspoons dried)

In a large pot over high heat, bring the chicken stock to a boil. Stir in the rice, reduce the heat to medium-low, and simmer for 10 minutes.

Add the hard-boiled eggs, corn, and parsley. Reduce the heat to low, cover, and continue cooking until the rice is tender, 10 to 15 minutes longer.

CATS CAN EAT the soup, too, but humans like it best. Like all country recipes, you can fiddle with it to suit yourself, but it’s real simple. Some people might prefer noodles to rice.

I like fish best of all but Pewter and Tucker like chicken. A Rhode Island Red led to Pewter’s public disgrace.

Pewter visits the chicken coop daily, dreaming of snatching a Silky or even one of the larger Rhode Island Reds. Knowing of Pewter’s murderous intent, Mom covered the top of the chicken coop with small-gauge wire mesh. Keeps the hawks out, too. They’ll swoop down and carry off a chicken so fast it will freeze your heart, especially if, like me, you’re smaller than the hawk.

Last summer Mother hosted a picnic. Wooden trestle tables were set in parallel rows. Pretty red checkered tablecloths added to the color. Forty people came. The fun of the party was that each person had to bring a covered dish. Mom supplied the barbecue and the drinks. I don’t know why parties are more fun when everyone pitches in, but they are.

The human ages ranged from two to ninety-one years old. The children played, watched the horses, and got into the chicken coop. Before I knew it, chickens were running everywhere, squawking, flapping their wings. All those insects flying in the air and crawling around on the ground were a picnic for them.

Mom knew there was no point in putting the chickens back until after the picnic because the children would let them out again by accident. So the chickens, under the guise of eating bugs, slowly began to work their way toward the picnic. They heard Mom’s voice, which they associate with food. Personally, I think chickens are dumb as a post but Mom believes her chickens are intelligent. There’s no point arguing.

Anyway, Pewter crouched low in the grass, cackling with delight. Why she thought her butt would be hidden from view by lying low is beyond me. That cat is fat. Of course, the chickens saw her and they recognized their tormentor. They paid her no mind.

One medium-sized red hen strayed away from the rest. As she pecked away, seizing white grubs and other delicacies, Pewter inched forward, then leapt up.

The hen cocked her head, fluffed her feathers, and emitted an earsplitting shriek. Scared Pewter. She landed in front of the chicken, who darted around behind her, grabbing her gray tail.

Now Pewter let out an earsplitting shriek. The huge Australorp rooster ran over and flapped his wings, kicking at Pewter with his spurs. Those things can cut you.

By now Pewter never wanted to see another chicken, but the red hen wouldn’t let go. The humans were laughing so hard they were useless.

Finally, Mother pulled herself together and shooed the chicken from Pewter. The rooster flew up in her face, too. That offended Tucker, who growled, scaring the rooster, who flew onto one of the picnic tables, leaving a few well-aimed deposits.

The tip of Pewter’s tail was blunted. Unfortunate, as her tail is short to begin with. (The artist for the Sneaky Pie mysteries, knowing of Pewter’s vanity, makes her tail longer than it really is.)

Pewter vows to kill that hen, but she’ll never do it.

The humans agreed it was the best picnic they’d ever attended.

Cat *

SARDINE SANDWICH

1 slice of bread

1 tablespoon unsalted butter

1 (3.75-ounce) can sardines

Toast and butter the bread. Cut into eight equal-sized pieces.

Slice the sardines in half and place on the individual toast pieces.

MY DREAM IS to visit the fish market in Seattle someday. Mother swears it is the best fish market in America.

What would I do confronted with a fish five times bigger than I am (on ice, of course)? Drool. Of course.

*Some humans like sardines so you might have to share.

Dog

DOG BAIT

1 cup all-purpose flour

¾ cup cornmeal

1 garlic dove, finely chopped, or ½ teaspoon garlic salt

1 pound fresh liver

Preheat the oven to 350°G F.

In a small bowl, mix together the flour, cornmeal, and garlic.

Cut the liver into small pieces, put in the blender, and puree. Combine with flour mixture.

Spread the mixture as evenly as possible in a greased baking pan or a 9-inch pie dish.

Bake for 30 minutes, or until done.

Remove and cut into pieces, sized to your dog’s preference.

DOGS ARE MORE easily bribed than cats. At the Westminster Dog Show held at Madison Square Garden in New York City, Mom watched every possible bribe other than raw meat being offered. Barbara L. Powers, president of the Dachshund Club of America, was showing a stunning dog when she tossed a treat to Mom standing on the sidelines. Later, Mom asked her for the recipe, which I’ve recounted here, because the bait smelled good even to a human’s nose.

I can testify that Barbara’s bait works because Tucker will do anything Mother asks if there’s a homemade liver treat for a reward. Imagine, selling your soul for liver.

Dog

BIG DOG’S DELIGHT

2 cups long-grain while rice

4 ½ cups water

4 large garlic cloves, minced

1 large beef bouillon cube

1 cup venison, cut into ½-inch cubes and cooked

Put all the ingredients into a large pot and cook on high until the water boils.