СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски - Umcuphi ophambeneyo. Umcuphi ohlekisayo

Wayewathanda umphenyi wesiNgesi uPootot kwaye ke ngoko wayebetha umbhobho onjengeHolmes, wabadanisa nje. Wanxiba umnqwazi kunye neendevu, njenge-Elkyl’s, eyiGeorgia kuphela. Nokuba umtsi uthengile efanayo kunye nesticoat kubasebenzi baseMariinsky Opera nakwiBallet Theatre ngebhokisi yokukhanya kwelanga. Ezi zihlangu zazenziwe ukuba zi-odolwe ngummelwane owayesebenza njengomsebenzi wokudubula elalini. Waze wayikhuphela ngaphandle ngezikhonkwane kwaye xa ehamba, ngakumbi i-asphalt, ucofa njengehashe okanye intombazana evela eBroadway. Impumlo yakhe injengokhozi, kwaye amehlo akhe amakhulu enjengele lemur.

«Ke,» watsho u-Ottila, wahlala kwisitulo esikhethekileyo. U-Izya wakhwela ucango wangena eofisini. Kwitreyi wayephethe amaqanda aqwengwe ngeentlanzi kunye nencindi yakhe yegalikhi ayithandayo. -iza ngokukhawuleza, ngapha koko iphiramidi sele iqhuma.

– Fuuuu! -Ipephalopath emileyo, – uyisela njani? Unokuphumla…

– Ungayiqonda ngantoni igourmet entle? Sukusela. Ndiyithanda ngokwam. -Uk… – uthathe isiphu seOttila kwaye.., – Uhhh, -uye wagqobhozela ecaleni. Utsiba wagxadazela wabaleka waya kwikona yeofisi. Umngxunya weetubhu ezinomngundo obonakalayo ushiye umqala kwaye kwangoko, njengegesi yinyembezi, walikhukulisa lonke igumbi. UArutuna wabanjwa sisifuba kwaye xa edakumbile, wayengekho sakhono.

– Ngaba unokuba neentloni okanye okuthile?! Ndilungele ooyihlo.

– Okanye umama? -U-Ottila wayefumana amaqanda aqanduselwe kwaye, enomlomo, ecaphula iingcongconi, ekhonkotha ngokungqongqo: – wonke umntu unencasa yakhe, watsho umHindu, esuka phantsi kwinkawu esula iqhude lakhe ngegqabi lebhanana. Ngaba ufuna iliso?

– Yhu! Uxolo, mthetheleli, ndilibele into … – U-Arutun Karapetovich wayenentloni kwaye wahlala phantsi kwisitulo.

Ngesiquphe kwangena ucango lwasesitratweni kwangena umfazi osekhulile oneminyaka elikhulu ubudala.

– Ngubani ongavalanga umnyango??? Ndixakekile, gogo!!! -Igciwane yeKlop kwaye ixhwile…

Umfazi weva ukuba ukhohlela, wabalekela kuye ephepheni kunye nepeni, ukuze abhale umyolelo. Kodwa ke, akubona ukungabi nto kwakhe, watshamba wabetha umyeni wakhe ngamabhanti egxalabeni. I-Ottila yakhwaza yatshiza isikhupha.

– Uh, Harutun, ixhala elidala, kutheni ungavalanga ucango emva kwakho xa ufikileyo? Kwaye wena, mnumzana, phuma, sinomhlangano.

– Njani? kubuza ugogo osisithulu.

– Grunt! yiza emva kwesidlo sangokuhlwa!! -atsho uKlop ngelizwi elikhulu.

– Yitya, utye, isithandwa kunye ne-marigold… Ndiza kulinda. -utat’omkhulu wancuma kwaye ebambe ongezantsi, njengoko kwakungekho zizitulo ezingaphezulu, kwaye kwakungekho siko ukunikezela ngendawo apha, kwaye akukho namnye ophuma kubaphulaphuli owafika ezingqondweni.

– Luhlobo luni lesidlo sasemini? Huh? Ndifumana isidlo sakusasa… Kwaye kwi-ajenda: sebenza kunye nabangaphantsi. -U-Ottila waphakamisa isandla sakhe kwaye, ephethe isipuni ngeqhekeza leqanda, wakhupha isibetho ngqo esweni likaHarutun, – kwaye wena? -atsiba esihlalweni, -ngenambulelo yokulamla, – emva kokoatsiba etafileni, – ninokutya ukukhanya kwelanga kuphela, nize nobuso ebusweni. Andizukuhamba njenge-coyote.. -njenge-acrobat, ukusebenzisa i-somersault, ndatsiba ukusuka etafileni ukuya emgangathweni, – kwaye ndikunyamezele.. Bhala ingxelo kwaye yile!

– Yiphi ingxelo? Yintoni le uyithukayo? «U-Isolde Fifovna wamphazamisa ngesikhalo seKing Kong.»

– Ah? -umgama waqala ngokuqala.

Yintoni le uyithukayo? -ubuze ngokuzola nangokuthe cwaka, awuboni, ulele ixesha elide.

– Ke, apha, ngoku, ukuhlala ubusuku ngokungaphezulu? I – Incifalatus, khupha lo mhlala phantsi. – U-Ottila waphinda wabuyela ebhegini wakhwela kwisihlalo ukuze abe nokutya ngakumbi.

I – Incephalopath, patron, hayi Incifalate. -walungisa uCorporate waya kwinkazana endala elele. Wamtyhala kancinci ngomsele, njengoPootot okanye uWatson. -Uyintanda, ee?! -jikajike kuMphathi, owayesele ehleli etafileni kunye neentshatsheli.

– Mhlekazi, yena, ngokoluvo lwam, ukrwada.

– Yintoni? Ukudlwengula.

– Kulungile,. Akaphefumli. Ifile. -uphinde woyike kwilizwi lakhe watsho uHarutun. Imilebe yakhe yanyibilika. Wayecinga ukuba naye uya kulindelwa okufanayo. UHarutun walila.

I-Ottila iyabanda ngumlomo wokutya. Wajonga umfazi wakhe wabuza:

– Zhinka, hamba uyikhuphe.

U-Fifovna waphakama wanyusa ixhegokazi ngombala. Iinyawo zaye zenyuka phantsi, kwaye amadolo akaqondile. Uye wenyuka wabeka isidumbu njengevasi phambi kwe-mug, ngesidenge wajonga umlomo wakhe ugcwele amaqanda ahlafunisiweyo, umyeni wakhe.

Zibonele ngokwakho, ntlungu, ingaba ufile okanye akunjalo?! kwaye wayesele eza kuhamba. -Uye, uZhinka. Uya kuphendula ngenxa yeZhinka. wathula…

– Msuse etafileni, wena sidenge!!! Ngaba u… nyhani, okanye yintoni? Ndiyinkosi apha, kunye nomphathi, kwaye wena…

– Kulungile, yaqala kwakhona. -ugqibelele itreyi Intsephalopath.

– Kwaye usebenzisa ingxowa ye-Ottila Aligadzhievich Klop mahala! – izinyibilikisi zisuka emlonyeni zabhabha zodwa, Kwaye ngokubanzi … «Uyintombi apha.» Ndiyifumene?

– Ewe, nkosi yam. -Donald Isoldushka kwaye waguqa. Intloko yakhe yayiqaqanjelwe yintloko yomyeni wakhe emi etafileni. Kwaye ubungakanani beentloko zabo buya kuphembelela nayiphi na i-pessimist: Intloko yakhe yayiphindwe kahlanu kunaye.

– Kulungile, heh heh heh, ndikuxolele, thabatha lo ugogo uphumele ngaphandle emnyango waya kwiveranda. Hayi, kungcono kude nekhaya. Kusasa kwaye umntu uza kumfumana.

Unkosikazi wasithatha isidumbu wasihambisa apho wayalela khona umniniyo. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, usebenze nenkxaso, njengegcisa lobuchwephesha, umgcini-jitter kunye nonobhala-usompempe kwisikhundla se-mattress esiphezulu. Umzuzu emva koko wabuya kwaye wahamba, esiya etafileni.

– Ndiyiphose ngaphaya kocingo.

– Ngaba usisidenge okanye unento? Le yintshatsheli yesityalo. Kuyinyani, ukuhlala. Ngamafutshane-ibhamu.

– Uyatya. -umfazi wanyusa iplate.

– andifuni. Ngefanele ukuba ubeke kwisitya sam. Kukutya okunjani oku? Ndikhuphe, batye abantwana batye. Musa ukubaxelela into endiyityileyo. Kwaye emva koko badelela.

Kulungile, ukuba unesifebe esivela emlonyeni wakho. Ngaba ufuna ukuhlamba amazinyo xa wawagcina ukuwacoca, kwiminyaka elikhulu eyadlulayo? -umfazi uqokelele izitya etafileni waya kwindawo yokuhlala yehafu yendlu.

– Thula, mfazi! Uqonda ntoni ngevumba? Kulungile, -ndilahle engxoweni yam ngezikhuhla nasemacaleni etafileni. -Oko bendifuna ukukuthetha. Huh?.. Ke, lungiselela ukuya kuPeter.

– Kutheni?

– Ewe, osebenza kunye, sineshishini elitsha elinobuzaza. Okokuqala kunye nokugqibela!

– Ngaba siyatshintshelwa eSt. -UHarutun wakhupha iinwele zakhe ezimpumlweni zakhe, wavuya kwaye wagrunjelwa ngumhluzi.

– Hayi, zithathe zipholile. Siza kuphanda ngomcimbi onzulu, singangxami ngokujonga imihlambi, sikhangela iinkukhu ezilahlekileyo kunye nenkunzi. Kwaye emva koko, xa simfumene, siya kudluliselwa ngaphezulu…

– iphi ezulwini?

– Isidenge, akukho zixeko ezulwini, eMelika.

– Kwaye siza kujonga ntoni? Yintoni ekufuneka ifumaneke ukuze usithumele eMelika?

– Siya kujonga impumlo…

– Ngempumlo kabani? -UHarutun akazange aqonde.

U-Ottila wakhwela etafileni kwaye wahamba waya kwelinye icala, kufutshane neCorporate. Wahlala phantsi kwaye waxhuma imilenze yakhe, encokola kunye nabo.

Ewe, ngokufutshane.. – waqala ngelizwi elinesiqingatha.

– Kwaye yintoni, kwisisebe emva koko?

– Nerd, ukhuphiswano. Eli tyala linokuthi lithathwe yimbewu.

– Ahhh! Ndayiqonda ikhareji.

– Ke emva koko, umkhono. Heh, kupholile! Ndiyi «cartridge», kwaye «ungumkhono». Kwaye i-cartridge ifakwe emkhombeni. Hahaha Iyahlekisa

– Hayi. Bafaka i-bullet kwi-cartridge.

– Yintoni, smart? Kwaye uyazi ukuba kwilizwe lethu wonke umntu ulumkile-ulihlwempu kwaye ulihlwempu. Ngaba ufuna ukwenza umahluko? Mamela ke, andizukuchaza kabini. Indawo engcwele soze ingenanto. Kwaye indawo yakho, hayi iNgcwele nje.. Ngaba uyazi ukuba bangaphi abantu abangaphangeliyo kwilali yethu abafuna ukukuthatha ukuba uthathe indawo yakho yasimahla?