СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски - Umcuphi ophambeneyo. Umcuphi ohlekisayo

– Kwaye yeyona nto inomdla, umthengisi uqhubeke wathi, «… utitshala omnye u-Irkutsk wayengumntu othanda uNikolai Vasilyevich Gogol kwaye bawushiya umsebenzi wakhe, ngakumbi umsebenzi u» NOS». Ubomi bam bonke ndonga imali yohambo oluya eLeningrad (ngoku eyiSt. Petersburg), apho kwakumiswe khona ilitye lesikhumbuzo elinempumlo ende kwiphepha lobhedu, elifana neGogolevsky. Kodwa uPerestroika waphazamisa zonke izicwangciso; utyale imali yakhe yonke kwi-OJSC yeMM kwaye, njengezigidi zediphozithi, wasala nomngxuma we-donut. Akuba efudumele kwaye ehlupheke kakubi ngumgaqo obanzi we-Myocardial, waphinda waqala ukonga imali yokuthatha uhambo oluya e-St. Kwaye iphupha ekudala lalindelwe lazaliseka kwiminyaka elishumi. Weza kwidolophu elikhulukazi iqhawe laseSt. Kwaye, akuba efumanisile kwi-ofisi yokubuza apho sikhona isikhumbuzo esifunwayo kunye nolindelwe kudala, wakhawuleza weza nezinto ezothutho lukawonke-wonke ngokutshintshela ezintathu, kutheni etshintshile? Kukuba uMoskvichka wayehleli kwidesika yolwazi, kwaye iiMuscovites, ngokungafaniyo nePitertsev, zithanda ukuthumela ngenye indlela, njengeli xesha. Ukufika kwakhe kwiiyure ezintlanu emva kwendawo eyayilindelwe kudala, wajonga ecaleni, engafumani nto injalo, wagqiba kwelokuba acele amagosa asebupoliseni akufutshane ukuba aqwalasele abasebenzi abahamba abafudukayo abaza kubakhulula oomakhulu kubo:

«Bathandekayo, ubabizile, omnye wabo uphendule wajonga kuye,» ungandixelela ukuba siphi na ilitye lesikhumbuzo eliseGogol’s NOS?»

– Kwaye apha, – umsebenzi wajija intloko yakhe, – kwindawo ethile apha. -kwatsho eludongeni kunye nase -anaanarel: ukusuka kwindawo ekwakukho kuyo imingxunya eludongeni kunye nesinyithi esingafakwanga, ubungakanani beplathi ebiwe ngempumlo yomntu. Ugogo wasweleka ngoko nangoko ngenxa yesifo sentliziyo. Kwaphela oku kudluliswa kwethu. Konke okuhle. Ku

UOttila wasela enye iglasi waza walala.

Ebumnyameni ecaleni kwebhedi uye watyhila kwaye wakhwela eyohlula kwicala lomfazi wakhe, owayenuka eqhuqha. Akashukumi. Xa wakhwela phezu komfazi wakhe kwaye wayephakathi eludongeni kunye nenkosikazi yakhe, wamangaliswa kukudakumba kunye nomoya ovela kwimilebe yesiqingatha esihle. U-Ottila waphefumlela phezulu umoya kwaye waphakamisa isifuba sakhe sangaphezulu, esincinci kunentloko yakhe, wanamathela entloko ngasemva kwentloko yakhe ukuya ekuthandeni komfazi wakhe. Ubeke indlebe yakhe ngezantsi kwaye wayigquma indlebe ephezulu ngesifuba. Ukuqhwanyaza wanyamalala, kwaye waguqa okomntwana, ngobushushu kunye nokuthuthuzela.

Ekuseni uvuke waxinana phezu komqamelo. Kwakungekho mfazi. Uye kwigumbi lokuhlambela kwaye uhlambe impahla yakhe, enxibe iimpahla zonke. Uye kumnyango wendlela yokungena kweStrongpoint, waphatha isiphatho, kwaye… Ucango luvulwe kuye bekule meko kwaye waxhuzula, ngeli xesha wacinezela isiphatho somnyango, ehambisa u-Ottila kwisithuba seStrongpoint, ngokungathi ngaphandle kwesidalwa somoya. Wabhabha wangena ngaphakathi waya e-Mount Wife. Isisu esine amabele axhonyiwe kwaye saphosa i-precinct.

– Uyintoni? Izoldushka!? -Ubuzile wothuswa yimpukane kwaye emva koko weva iintlungu ngasemva kwentloko yakhe, wabetha phantsi.

– Sula iinyawo zakho, ndiye ndahlamba apho. wakhonkotha kwaye uqhubela phambili ukuthoba umgangatho, egobe ngasemva ngezantsi, umva kuye. Ipolisa lajikeleza iesile lakhe, lazisula imilenze, lazinxiba iindlebe zomvundla, zangena eofisini. Into yokuqala ayenzileyo, wakhwela esitulweni, emva koko wahamba waya kwifowuni etafileni kwaye wamsondeza kuye. Utsho ethatha ifowuni, ehleli ecaleni kwe tafile wayibeka endlebeni. Utsalele umnxeba umnxeba womphathi wakhe, washukumisa imilenze, walinda, wabala i-beeps.

– Ullah! -iviwe kwelinye icala locingo emva kwetyala elinamashumi amahlanu.

– Comrade Marshal? Oku kubiza uMnu. General District Clop.

– Ahhhh… nguwe lowo? -I-Comrade uMarshall yayingathandekiyo, -zenzeka njani izinto endaweni entsha? Awuzange ubize ixesha elide, uqale ulibale ukuba ngubani… u… um, uyondla.

– Hayi, uyintoni, Exusendius Janis oglu Snegiryov. Akukho sizathu sakuphazamisa intloko yakho endala ngaphandle.

– Baska, utsho, umfanyana?

– Uh… hayi, uxolo, intloko.

– Kulungile, masifumanise kamva, malunga nendlela yokuziphatha kwabangaphantsi nabanini. Kulungile, yintoni onayo, into ebalulekileyo?

– Ewe!!!

– Yintoni le uyithukayo, i-pygmy ayisiRussia?

– Uxolo, ewe.

– Kulungile, siza kuphinda sithethe ngemida yenqanaba elamkelekileyo lengxoxo ngocingo, eyamkelwe kufundo lokuqala lwendibano yowiso-mthetho eMoscow naseRussia.. Kwaye, uthini ngawe, Sneak Bug? Nize nikhawuleze, ndilibele ukuya entlanganisweni.

Ngaba ubukele phezolo kwiphepha elilandelayo leZiko leeFowuni?

– Hayi, ndineDiViDishka. Kwaye yintoni?

– E-St. Petersburg, ilitye lesikhumbuzo kwi-Nose.

– Kwaye yintoni?

– Ndingathanda ukwenza uphando ngeli tyala, ukuba ungavuma, O Hon. Mnu.

– Yintoni enye into eyenzeke phantsi kwempumlo, ekungekho mntu uye wayixelela yona, ukuthetha ngokucacileyo. Leliphi ilitye lesikhumbuzo elinqumle iimpumlo zabo?

– Kulungile, kunye noGogol..

– Impumlo kaGogol inqunyulwe?

– Hayi, uGogol unalo ibali malunga ne-FNL.

– Kwaye yintoni?

– Ukuhlonipha eli bali, kwakhiwa ibala lesikhumbuzo eSt. Kwaye ndiyazi rhabaxa ngubani owenze lonto.

– Abangenamakhaya okanye yintoni? Akukho namnye umntu. Ubhedu. Kwaye ufuna ntoni kum?

– Ukuqhuba eli shishini, ikhatyhidi.

– ke zixakeke, yintoni ingxaki? Kodwa kuphela ngexesha lakho lasimahla.

– Kodwa ndiya kufuna iindleko, iindleko zokuhamba, izidlo, indawo yokuhlala ehotele, abakhweli beteksi.

– M-ewe. Kwakufuneka iqale ngale. Yiloo nto ukuya eSt. Petersburg, ungathatha umvalo ngololiwe, iBomzhovskoe iyathandana, ke ihotele ayinanto yakwenza nayo. Ungasitshintsha kwisikhululo okanye, okona kubi, kwizindlu ezingekho phantsi komgangatho. Uya kudla nabo. Kwaye esixekweni nasezinyaweni ungahamba kunye nokukhanya kwe-St. Akukho mali kuhlahlo-lwabiwo mali ndide ndigqibe ukwakha ikhitshi. Well, uyandiqonda?

– Kwaye kwidesika ye-Strongpoint yam? Ndikhethe apha ukuhlawulisa amafama ngokudibeneyo.

– Kwaye okuninzi?

– Ewe kwanele okwesihlandlo sokuqala.

– Kulungile. Yithathe kwiakhawunti. Ukuba usombulula ingxaki, ndiza kukuhlawula iindleko zeerisithi zokuthengisa, kodwa hayi?! Ayisiyo yam ukuba ndithathe isigqibo, kuba imali yoluntu.

– Kulungile, uMzekelo uJanis oglu Snegiryov. Ewe, andinalo ixesha elincinci, kodwa ndiza kuza nento. -U-Ottila wabeka phantsi ifowuni kwaye walala etafileni, iingalo zandisiwe.

– Nantsi, ishishini elitsha! Ngoku baya kufumanisa ngam ePetrovka 38.

Umnyango ungene, kunye nemilinganiselo enkulu ka-Isolde Fifovna, isiqingatha sakhe esiphambili, savela.

– Ngaba uza kutya? -ucele ngobumnene, -kwaye ungazibeki etafileni, ndiyisisulile.

– Ndiza kufumana isidlo sakusasa apha!

– Ithetha ukuthini NAYE? Ndifana nomlindi okanye into? Yiya ekhitshini kwaye utye njengaye wonke umntu. Andizukuthwala.

– Ndingathanda ukuba, kodwa uMarshall kufuneka anditsalele umnxeba.

– Mhlekazi? Ndingatsho njalo. Emva koko linda. Unyana uzisa ngoku okuseleyo. Uye wehla etafileni, uSherlock Holmes… Hahaha … – wahleka wangena kwisiqingatha sesibini sendlu.

Ucango lwasesitratweni ngaphambili, kwaye i-Corporate Incephalopath yavela emnyango.

– Ndingayifumana ikharethi?

– Ngena uhlale phantsi… Sineshishini… Ngomso siza eSt. -U-Ottila waphakama, waguquka wahlala kwisitulo.

– Kutheni?

– Iliwa lesikhumbuzo kwimpumlo ye-Gogol.

– -Ndihlala ndicinga, u-Bos…

I-APULAZ 2

UHarutun Karapetovich wayebonakala emncinci kwaye mde. Ubuso yayisiCaucasian esiqhelekileyo. Iinwele zimvi, zide ziye emahlombe, nkqu njengengca. Kwi-Tiechka kukho i-baldness eqinileyo efunyenwe emsebenzini odlulileyo njenge-janitor kubasebenzi beendwendwe. Ngaphambili, ebesebenza njengekati, emva kweminyaka elishumi esentolongweni, njengebanjwa lezopolitiko. I-anecdote ixelele ngo-Lenin, inkokeli ye-proletariat, kunye neehagu, kumphicothi zincwadi kwibhunga ledolophu, kwaduma. U-Lenin ngewayesabele ngokulula, avele ahleka, kodwa abasemagunyeni apho – hayi. Kodwa yayikho emva kwexesha leSoviet. Kwaye ke, ngokunyamalala kwenkqubo yeSoviet, irekhodi lolwaphulo-mthetho nalo lwanyamalala. Uhlaziyiwe kwaye wanikwa izibonelelo zegesi. Kodwa ngokuthatha kwakhe umhlala phantsi, wayefuna ukuba luncedo eluntwini, emva koko inkosikazi yepolisa lesithili elitsha lanyanzelwa ngamehlo aluhlaza kwaye… okuseleyo kukuHack… Ke, ndiyacinga, hayi ukungafungi… Ke waya kwinkampani ipolisa lesithili, kwaye isikhundla sahlala kwinkonzo yomkhosi.