John Austin - So Now You’re a Zombie - A Handbook for the Newly Undead

Здесь есть возможность читать онлайн «John Austin - So Now You’re a Zombie - A Handbook for the Newly Undead» весь текст электронной книги совершенно бесплатно (целиком полную версию без сокращений). В некоторых случаях можно слушать аудио, скачать через торрент в формате fb2 и присутствует краткое содержание. Город: Chicago, Год выпуска: 2010, ISBN: 2010, Издательство: Chicago Review Press, Жанр: Юмористические книги, Ужасы и Мистика, на английском языке. Описание произведения, (предисловие) а так же отзывы посетителей доступны на портале библиотеки ЛибКат.

So Now You’re a Zombie: A Handbook for the Newly Undead: краткое содержание, описание и аннотация

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Being undead can be disorienting. Your arms and other appendages tend to rot and fall off. It’s difficult to communicate with a vocabulary limited to moans and gurgles. And that smell! (Yes, it’s
.) But most of all, you must constantly find and ingest human brains. Braaaains!!!
What’s a zombie to do?
Thankfully, zombiologist John Austin details everything you need to know, as a newly undead soul, to hunt, fight, and feed on the living. As the first handbook written specifically for the undead,
explains how you ended up in this predicament, the stages of zombification, and what you need to survive in this zombiphobic world. Dozens of helpful diagrams outline attack strategies, such as the Ghoul Reach, the Flanking Zack, the Bite Hold, and the Aerial Fall, to secure your human prey. You’ll even learn how to successfully extract the living from boarded up farmhouses and broken down vehicles.
This handbook also explores the upside of being a zombie. Gone are the burdens of employment, taxes, social networks, even basic hygiene, allowing you to focus on simple necessities in “life”: the juicy gray matter found in the skulls of the living.
There is more to undeath than shambling around in search of brains to eat, but not much more, according to this short but detailed look at the new zombie, or “zed,” lifestyle. Filled with deadpan tips on how to succeed in the coming zombie apocalypse, it covers the basics of caring for decomposing flesh (“If you experience an extreme freeze… your extremities should continue to function until they fall off”), practical suggestions for overcoming obstacles, and instructions for attacking the living (“The only thing more lethal than you is you on fire!”). The blood-splattered pages contain copious diagrams, such as a zombie food pyramid, pie charts of infection methods, and instructions for operating doorknobs. The illustrations are as grossly explicit as the text is employee-handbook underplayed, making this an excellent choice for the zombie completist. From Publishers Weekly

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Stage 4 Paralysis Fullbody paralysis is necessary in order to restrain the - фото 178
Stage 4: Paralysis

Full-body paralysis is necessary in order to restrain the body during the final stages of transformation. A body that does not lose complete mobility could overexert itself, possibly causing permanent death (i.e., no post-life).

In the paralysis stage, the victim first experiences overall numbness as the virus lowers his or her heart rate. Then lower-body paralysis sets in, followed by upper-body paralysis. The victim’s flesh is now 50 percent infectious, and it generates reduced levels of the once-irresistible fresh-flesh pheromone (see “Nose,” page 24). So not only is the host’s flesh becoming useless to you and your fellow hungry zombies, but it will also repel you from attacking. This is a helpful feature, because if the victim is attacked and killed before reaching the final stages of zombification, he or she will never make it to reanimation.

Stage 5 Coma While it appears that the body has shut down the virus is - фото 179
Stage 5: Coma

While it appears that the body has shut down, the virus is actually modifying the nanotubes in the host’s cellular walls. Once these structures are completely infected and transformed, they transport endogenous chemicals from cell to cell, allowing low-level intercellular communication that bypasses the complex systems of the human body. While this cellular communication is slower, it is necessary once the victim’s nervous system shuts down.

Cellular wall nanotubes More zed puberty is also taking place Skeletal muscles - фото 180
Cellular wall nanotubes

More zed puberty is also taking place. Skeletal muscles are slightly modified to serve basic locomotion. These muscles no longer need oxygen-rich blood; instead, they function with the blood already circulating in the muscles at the time of infection. This infected blood eventually will need to be replenished by uninfected flesh.

Stage 6: Heart Stoppage

A necessary step of zombification is to disconnect all energy-draining body functions. Once cell mutation is complete, the virus pulls the plug—like you, the victim is now a flatliner! Once the heart stops, brain activity also comes to a screeching halt, erasing his or her memory.

Stage 7 Reanimation Whats up zombification survivor The hosts anatomy now - фото 181
Stage 7: Reanimation

What’s up, zombification survivor? The host’s anatomy now experiences reverse rigor mortis, unclamping the body following its final transformation. This reanimation can take anywhere from a few minutes to several hours, depending on virus strain. Body temperature levels off at approximately 70° F, and low-level viral brain activity can also be detected.

The new zombie will start to experience faint body movements that are - фото 182

The new zombie will start to experience faint body movements that are stimulated by reflexes. It will eventually arise to discover a combination of physical and psychological changes, along with new abilities with which it is not yet familiar. Subconsciously, it feels hungry, not in the stomach but in the brain. This is the virus communicating that it needs human flesh … now ! The victim is now 100 percent infected, and one bad-ass zed!

Worldwide Infection

Any brain-eating zed currently roaming the earth has the potential to fully contaminate the world of the living. No matter how an outbreak spreads, its all starts with one zombie—maybe even you! If you have the ambition to be Patient Zero, you must first squeeze out a teaspoon of infected blood and get yourself to a highly populated area for about 30 days. Your main goal should be to quickly decrease the number of the breathers while increasing the infected horde.

For a better understanding of what a worldwide outbreak would look like, we’ve created a best-case model covering 160 days. It clearly demonstrates your infectious potential. However, many factors, such as population density, geography, and the effectiveness of the human resistance could alter the real-world results. Remember, zed plans never go according to plan, so be prepared for the unexpected.

8 Days Someones been infected Perhaps thanks to you the first humans have - фото 183
8 Days

Someone’s been infected! Perhaps thanks to you, the first humans have succumbed to the z-virus and withstood zombification. Initial success isn’t just dumb luck; as mentioned before, we rely on the fact that the newly infected are often misdiagnosed and not properly treated with preventative termination. For this reason, three out of five new zombies survive the first 48 hours, and 56 percent of all outbreaks last at least 8 days.

Once reanimated and unrestrained the new recruits are free to quickly disrupt - фото 184

Once reanimated and unrestrained, the new recruits are free to quickly disrupt the human status quo. Remember, without aggressive networking, the horde’s effort will simply fizzle out. If you want to maintain a terrifying crisis level, we suggest you infect 75 humans during the outbreak’s incubation period. Yes, this sounds daunting, but with a 24-hour reanimation cycle, you won’t be working alone for long.

30 Days

If the outbreak has survived the first 30 days, it has a real chance. At this point, zombie numbers should have escalated into the thousands. A horde this size is very capable of generating widespread panic. The living resistance will scramble to quarantine large metropolitan areas within military perimeters. With high-density populations trapped, the infection will spread rapidly.

Cities and small countries have the potential to collapse altogether sometimes - фото 185

Cities and small countries have the potential to collapse altogether, sometimes in as short as 28 days. To further spread the outbreak, you’ll need to penetrate containment perimeters. Review previous chapters for information on how to navigate obstacles and barricades.

160 Days

If the outbreak is still raging after 160 days, containment perimeters have clearly been compromised. A global pandemic is now within reach. With multiple fronts battling a worldwide outbreak, humans will show signs of exhaustion, their supplies diminished. Soon even larger countries may be overrun by hundreds of thousands of hungry brain-eaters.

The infected horde will continue to multiply unless new unconventional - фото 186

The infected horde will continue to multiply unless new, unconventional weaponry is successfully deployed against the horde. To prevent such a setback, targeting the humans’ high-tech installations becomes increasingly important (see “Other Human Infrastructures,” page 58). Toward the tail-end of the first year of infection, the total collapse of human civilization will be near. With any luck, you could soon be walking through the valley of the shadow of death, fearing no evil!

Reset your calendars to 1 A.Z.—After Zombie!

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