David Borgenicht: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Middle School

4 Take a reality check.

The truth is that most guys aren’t super-amazing athletes, so not being Joe Sportsman only makes you (gasp!) normal.

Think you’re never going to be any good? Think again—these sports superstars didn’t start shining until they were practically old enough to retire.

• “Big Bill” Tildenended up as one of the best tennis players of the 20th century, but he wasn’t good enough to make his high-school squad.

• Hall of Fame pitcher Dazzy Vancedidn’t win his first baseball game until he was 31.

• Sandy Koufaxalmost quit baseball to go into the electronics business at the age of 25. But Koufax decided to give it one more shot. By the end of the 1961 season, he was on his way to being one of baseball’s best pitchers.

• Super Bowl champion quarterback Kurt Warnerdidn’t even enter the NFL until he was 28.

A great haircut is like getting a whole new you. Unfortunately, a bad haircut does the same thing, except now, the New You looks like you got into a fight with a lawn mower… and the mower won. Here are a few tips to restore your hair to sanity.

1 Bust out the products.

Rock stars of both genders use gel, so raid your mother’s or sister’s supplies: styling gel, mousse, wax, modeling clay… whatever it takes. Then be sure to ask the product’s owner how to apply it, because you don’t want to go overboard with the “wet” look.

2 Start a fad.

Tell all your pals that your hideous, horrible hairstyle is the hot new ’do. Let them know this is exactly how you wanted it to look because, yes, you are just that punk rawk!

3 If you can’t beat it, buzz it!

Sometimes a hairdo’s so bad it requires a ’do-over. So stop cursing yourself when you look in the mirror. Instead, take action! Go back to the salon and ask for a chopper fixer-upper—even if that means it all goes.

4 Let it go, let it grow.

Did you know your hair will grow half a foot this year?! So no matter how bad the current cut, the good news is that it’s already growing out. You’ll be looking better in no time—but until then, one further idea: Caps are cool. Start wearing a hat and it may soon be your thing !

He calls you names from the back of the bus. He trips you in the cafeteria. When he passes by with his posse of fools, they get all up in your grill. None of this is cool or acceptable, so here are ways to make it better… and to make it stop.

1 Poker-face it.

It’s like what dentists say about teeth: “Ignore them and they’ll go away.” Same here. By playing it cool and showing this bully that you’re not bothered by his antics, he might just decide you’re not worth his time and effort.

BE AWARE• The most hardened bullies may be determined to break a poker face, so you may need to supplement this technique with a vanishing act (see #4).

You’ve been shoved—and smack into the girl you were trying to impress!

• Make her laugh.“Did you know the halls are full of alligators that trip people to eat their fallen books?”

• Check her out.If your crush helps you collect your books, you know she’s a good gal. If she teases you, forget about her.

2 Launch a counterintelligence operation.

Secretly spy on the bully for a couple days, noting where he hangs out and when. The best way to steer clear is to know where he’s going to be—and not be there yourself!

3 Use the buddy system.

Get your friends together and coordinate your schedules so that none of you ever shows your face in the hallways alone. Bullies are much less likely to hassle two people together than one person alone.

4 Make a quickescape.

Make a mental map of your school, and when the bully starts to bug you, move quickly to a “safe zone” (i.e., somewhere with adults around, if necessary). In case anybody calls you on running away, be ready with a smart remark: “I decided not to waste my time with that. Trust me, you shouldn’t either.” Or there’s always: “Well, if you want in on the action, feel free to deal with the situation for me.”

5 Be brave—or fake being brave.

Stand up to the bully. That’s right: Tell him you want him to stop being mean to you. Say, “Bullying is very elementary school, and I’m over it.” It often works best if you can do this when you and he can’t be overheard, so he doesn’t feel like he has to prove himself. Be strong and act like you have authority. It’s amazing how sometimes even just acting the part helps you assume the role.

6 Tell (without telling that you told).

No one wants to be a tattletale, but, um, no one wants to get punched in the face, either. Talk with a parent, teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult and ask for help solving this problem— without anyone knowing that you told.

Or send an anonymous e-mail or note to the vice principal or another authority figure at your school about how a certain kid is harassing a certain other kid every day at a certain place and time. And, what do you know? The next time the bully is doing his nasty thing, here comes trouble—for him .

Sure, science is rough, but the most confusing subject at school is easily girls . Not just girls— the Girl. She travels with her friends in a whispering and giggling pack, looking at you every once in a while, sometimes ignoring you, sometimes saying “hi” like it’s no big deal…. How can you decode her mysterious, mind-boggling ways? Here’s how to figure her out.

You know you like her, if you define “like” as being mesmerized by the way her hair bounces. But is it a two-way street? Look for these good signs.

She can’t stop twirling her hair.