David Borgenicht: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Middle School

Can you imagine life without e-mail? Most of the time, it seems like one of the best things in the world’ until the day you accidentally forward a message to the wrong person or reply in a rage. These tips will help keep you from making that one click you wish you could un-click.

1 Follow the “To” rules.

Write your e-mail first, then type in the person’s address. That way, if you accidentally hit “send” partway through writing, it’s only road kill on the information super-highway, and you’re not the dead meat.

2 Delete the e-anger.

You know how in school, bad deeds go on your “permanent record”? Well, the same goes for e-mailing mid freak-out: The receiver has a permanent record of your meltdown. When steam is pouring out of your ears, chill till it’s all gone. Then write that e-mail.

3 LOL to the rescue.

Sometimes e-mail can be hard to read—and not just b/c u cn’t undrstnd the msg. An “obvs joke” to you isn’t always clear to someone else. An emoticon can be a quick way to show you’re kidding: ;), :P, :>), or just say you’re LOLing.

4 Step away from the computer.

If your e-blooper can’t be emoticonned away, pick up that crazy talking box known as the telephone and call your friend. Explain what you really meant, and apologize if she got the wrong idea.

You wouldn’t invite a vampire into your home, so don’t let an evil creep get into your inbox.

• Ban bullies.Exile nasty e-mailers to deepest cyberspace by using the “Block Sender” option. Or get yourself a new e-mail addy and only give it to your trusted friends. (You’ve wanted to change up that old addy for a while, right?)

• Keep it healthy.Unfamiliar e-mail addresses with attachments are almost always bad news. Trash those messages ASAP, and then empty your garbage bin to stop a lurking virus in its tracks.

• Shout it out.Your virtual privacy is important, but if you get an e-mail that’s extra weird, scary, or mean-spirited, show it to a parent or another adult.

When you were chasing the ice-cream truck last summer, your shorts split wide open. (Exactly the kind of story you don’t want anyone at school to know!) Luckily, the only person who does know is your older… uh-oh.

Having a brother or sister sharing the school hallways can cause some serious complications. But with the right strategy, you can make your sib work for you!

1 Make an “I won’t tell if you won’t” pact.

Your sister also wants to keep her reputation intact, so propose a contract: She doesn’t share the shorts story, and you’ll keep her fear of chickens under wraps.

2 What happens at school stays at school.

Tattle on your brother, and you’re just asking for him to tattle on you back. Don’t tell Mom he used the teachers’ lounge soda machine today. That way he won’t mention the food fight you get in tomorrow.

3 Be relative-ly helpful.

Shocking but true—older brothers and sisters can be your secret weapon! Since they’ve been there and done that , they can provide inside info on tests, teachers, and what not to wear.

4 He’s small, but significant.

A younger sibling can be useful, too. Make a big show of helping your little brother carry his diorama into school. Friends, teachers, and crushes will be impressed with what a great big sib you are… even if you secretly want to strangle him.

Your sister was such a rock star at school, people have pictures of her in their lockers. Your brother won the academic decathlon, was class president, and led the football team to the championship.

But people don’t even bother to learn your name—they just call you “number two.” No matter what you do, it feels like you just can’t compare…

But guess what? You don’t have to. You’re your own person, so instead of living in your sib’s shadow, make your own mark. Show people your personality and talents, and soon they’ll just talk about your ability to shine.

And if one of your teachers keeps blah-blah-blahing about a certain someone in your house, have a private convo and let her know that you love your sib, but you prefer not to be compared.

Love songs make it sound great, but thinking about your crush makes you a woozy, sweaty, nervous wreck. How wonderful! Want to get from liking someone to actually talking to that person? Read on.

1 Play a game of Q&A.

When you see your crush, the only thing that usually comes out of your mouth is a string of drool. Instead of acting like a salivating puppy, ask your crush questions. They give you something to say besides, “Duh… uh… so… um…” and help you get to know the person better. Check these out:

• What’s your favorite flavor of gum?

• Can you blow a bubble inside a bubble?

• I just heard that the ability to roll your tongue is genetic—can you do it?

Knowing what your cutie’s into helps, too. Look for clues: Sneak a peek at your crush’s binder or bag—any stickers for bands you haven’t heard of? That’s a question waiting to be asked!

2 Cue the compliments.

“Your solo in chorus was so good!” or, “You can always make me laugh!” (Who doesn’t want to hear that, right?) Avoid compliments about your crush’s body, which might make you both embarrassed. Focus on stuff your crush has done, like scoring a goal or solving the “unsolvable” pre-algebra problem.

Not only did you hear that the person you like likes someone else…but the like-ee is your BFF.

• Get real.Telling your friend, “Eyes off my crush,” won’t work–if you can’t stop looking at this person, how can you expect anyone else to?

• Get fit.While your friend and your crush are busy IMing, use the time to run some laps, hit the pool, or do another activity to take your mind off the problem. It will also make for a stronger new you.

• Get a grip.Some people might say stuff like, “You must be so mad at her!” Remember: You’re not really mad at your friend , just at the situation, so stay chill.

3 Join the posse.

Look for an open spot at your crush’s lunch table and join in the group conversation. Then talk to everybody , not just your crush. Sometimes hanging with friends helps make everyone more comfortable.