Sophie Kinsella - I've Got Your Number

“You wrote that? Under my name ?”

He looks so livid I actually back away, feeling a bit petrified.

“I’m sorry,” I say breathlessly. “I thought it was a good idea. But some people thought you were trying to sack them, and other people think you’re secretly interviewing for a job, and everyone’s got into a tizz about it … I’m sorry,” I end lamely.

“Sam, I got your email!” A girl with a ponytail interrupts us eagerly. “So, I’ll see you at dance classes.”

“Wh—” Sam’s eyes swivel in his head.

“Thanks so much for the support. Actually, you’re my only pupil so far! Bring comfortable clothes and soft shoes, OK?”

I glance at Sam and gulp at his expression. He seems literally unable to speak. What’s wrong with dance classes? He’s going to need to dance at his wedding, isn’t he? He should be grateful I signed him up.

“Sounds great!” I say encouragingly.

“See you next Tuesday evening, Sam!”

As she disappears into the hubbub, I fold my arms defensively, all ready to tell him that I’ve done him a huge favor. But as he turns back, his face is so stony, I lose my nerve.

“Exactly how many emails have you sent in my name?” He sounds calm, but not in a good way.

“I—not many,” I flounder. “I mean … just a few. I only wanted to help—”

“If you were my PA, I’d have you fired on the spot and quite possibly prosecuted.” He fires the words out as though he’s a machine gun. “As it is, I can only ask for my phone back and request that you—”

“Sam! Thank God for a friendly face!”

“Nick.” Sam’s demeanor instantly changes. His eyes light up and his icy expression seems to melt. “Good to see you. I didn’t know you were coming.”

A man in his sixties, wearing a pin-striped suit over a groovy floral shirt, is raising a glass to us. I raise mine back, feeling awestruck. Sir Nicholas Murray! When I was Googling the company, I saw pictures of him with the prime minister, and Prince Charles, and everybody.

“Never turn down a bash if I can help it,” Sir Nicholas says cheerfully. “Missed the speeches, have I?”

“Spot-on timing.” Sam grins. “Don’t tell me you sent your driver in to see if they were over.”

“I couldn’t possibly comment.” Sir Nicholas winks at him. “Did you get my email?”

“Did you get mine ?” counters Sam, and lowers his voice. “You’ve nominated Richard Doherty for this year’s Dealmaker Award?”

“He’s a bright young talent, Sam,” says Sir Nicholas, looking a little caught out. “Remember his work with Hardwicks last year? He deserves recognition.”

“ You put the Ryan Energy deal together. Not him.”

“He helped,” Sir Nicholas retorts. “He helped in many ways. Some of them … intangible.”

For a moment they stare at each other. They both look as though they’re suppressing laughter.

“You’re incorrigible,” says Sam at last. “I hope he’s grateful. Now, you know I’m just back from Germany? Few things we should discuss.”

He’s totally frozen me out of the conversation, but I really don’t mind. Really. In fact, maybe I’ll just creep away while I have the chance.

“Sam, do introduce me to your friend,” Sir Nicholas cuts into my thoughts, and I smile back nervously.

Sam obviously has no desire at all to introduce me to Sir Nicholas. But he’s obviously also a polite man, because after about thirty seconds of what is clearly an internal struggle, 69he says, “Sir Nicholas, Poppy Wyatt. Poppy, Sir Nicholas Murray.”

“How do you do.” I shake his hand, trying not to give away my excitement. Wow. Sir Nicholas Murray and me. Chatting at the Savoy. I’m already thinking of ways I could casually drop this into conversation with Antony.

“Are you at Johnson Ellison or Greene Retail?” inquires Sir Nicholas politely.

“Neither,” I say awkwardly. “Actually, I’m a physiotherapist.”

“A physiotherapist!” His face lights up. “How wonderful! The most underrated of all the medical arts, I always think. I’ve been going to a super man in Harley Street for my back, although he hasn’t quite cracked it… . ” He winces slightly.

“You want Ruby,” I say, nodding wisely. “My boss. She’s amazing. Her deep-tissue massage makes grown men weep. ”

“I see.” Sir Nicholas looks interested. “Do you have a card?”

Yessss! Ruby made us all cards when we first started out, and I have never been asked for mine before. Not once.

“Here you are.” I reach in my bag and produce a card nonchalantly, as though I do it all the time. “We’re in Balham. It’s south of the river; you may not know it… .”

“I know Balham well.” He twinkles at me. “My first flat in London was on Bedford Hill.”

“No way!” My canapé nearly falls out of my mouth. “Well, you’ll definitely have to come and see us now.”

I can’t believe it. Sir Nicholas Murray, living on Bedford Hill. God, it shows. You start off in Balham and you end up knighted. It’s quite inspiring, really.

“Sir Nicholas.” The guy with olive skin has materialized from nowhere to join the group. “Delighted to see you here. Always a pleasure. How are things going at Number Ten? Found the secret to happiness yet?”

“The wheels turn.” Sir Nicholas gives him an easy smile.

“Well, it’s an honor. Absolute honor. And Sam.” The olive-skinned guy claps him on the back. “My main man. Couldn’t do what we do without you.”

I stare at him indignantly. He was calling Sam a “stubborn fuck’ a moment ago.

“Thanks, Justin.” Sam smiles tightly.

It is Justin Cole. I was right. He looks as sneery in real life as he does in his emails.

I’m about to ask Sir Nicholas what the prime minister’s really like, when a young guy approaches us nervously.

“Sam! Sorry to interrupt. I’m Matt Mitchell. Thanks so much for volunteering. It’s going to make such a difference to our project to have you on board.”

“Volunteering?” Sam shoots a sharp look at me.

Oh God. I have no idea. My mind is working overtime, trying to recall. Volunteering … volunteering … what was it again …

“For the expedition to Guatemala! The exchange program!” Matt Mitchell is glowing. “We’re so excited that you want to sign up!”

My stomach flips over. Guatemala. I’d totally forgotten about Guatemala.

“Guatemala?” echoes Sam, with a kind of rictus smile on his face.

Now I remember. I sent that email quite late at night. I think I’d had a glass of wine or two. Or … three.

I risk a tiny peek at Sam, and his expression is so thunderous, I want to slink away. But the thing is, it sounded like an amazing opportunity. And from what I’ve seen of his schedule, he never takes a holiday. He should go to Guatemala.

“We were all really touched by your email, Sam.” Matt grasps Sam’s hand earnestly with both of his. “I never knew you felt that way about the developing world. How many orphans do you sponsor?”

“Sam! Oh my God!” A dark-haired girl, quite drunk, lurches up to the group and elbows Matt out of the way, making him drop Sam’s hand. She’s looking highly flushed and her mascara is smudged, and she grabs Sam’s hand herself. “Thank you so much for your e-card about Scamper. You made my day, you know that?”

“It’s quite all right, Chloe,” Sam says tightly. He darts an incandescent glance of fury at me, and I flinch.

“Those beautiful things you wrote,” she gulps. “I knew when I read them you must have lost a dog yourself. Because you understand, don’t you? You understand. ” A tear rolls down her cheek.