Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

Very often men use sex to discharge their emotional tension. Since they generally express their real

feelings much less readily than women, men often have an overload of unexpressed feelings, along

with their accompanying tensions. These cause an “itch” in the system, and a man can start to feel

horny and want quick sex, excitement, and discharge in order to balance the system. This type of sex

has nothing to do with man’s basic sexual system and how he is designed to operate as the male

principle on Earth. Barry Long referred to the hot excitement/ ejaculation style of sex as “emotional

sex,” and a demanding or hungry or aggressive penis as an “emotional penis.”

For man to discover his true male qualities he is advised to refrain from using the sexual channel to

release emotional tensions. Ejaculation is certainly an extremely pleasurable way to release them, but

there are consequences to such discharges. Men need to find alternative ways to release the tensions

they accumulate through life in general, which often involves high levels of stress and anxiety,

including survival anxiety. Men will benefit enormously from using their legs in regular daily

exercise—for example, jogging, gym workouts, ta’i chi, dance, squats, and any kind of stretching—as

well as receiving regular deep-tissue massage in order to relax and free tension in the musculature of

the legs and feet.

Tantric Sex Reduces Emotionality

When love is made consciously and emotional or hot sex is avoided (or reduced), there is soon a

visible shift in the emotional state of woman. She becomes more radiant, open, and content. Nagging

stops, and she begins to flower. Women in our couple’s workshops experience a shift within two or

three days of making love regularly without forcing a peak orgasm. Men also notice a big change in

their own emotional state, as they become calm and centered, grounded in the body, more present and

aware, more relaxed, and more loving. Sounds perfect! Men also notice that anger is not provoked so

easily. Anger and frustration levels reduce dramatically when hot sex and ejaculation are avoided or

reduced.

How we make love profoundly affects who we are and how we conduct ourselves as human

beings. It is of eternal value to explore evolved sexual approaches and observe how these

experiences begin to shape who you are, how you feel on an inner level, and your perception of each

other and the world around you.

EXPRESSING FEELINGS IN THE PRESENT

In addition to keeping the past in the past by recognizing when emotion steps in, and experimenting

with relaxing into sex to avoid adding emotions to those you already have, the art now becomes one

of staying in touch with your feelings so that you can begin to feel what you are feeling. To keep love

fresh and free of emotion it becomes essential to express feelings as they arise. Do not hang on to

your feelings for an instant, unless you are in a hopelessly inappropriate situation. Move with the

rising feeling and don’t let your mind talk you out of it. Allow tears to flow, laughter to erupt, and

roars to unleash. Jump up and down, do something fast, and above all, do not repress feelings and in

so doing form fresh emotions, which happens very quickly. Equally quickly, any sadness, pain, anger,

or frustration, if fully lived as it is happening, will have a life span of about eight intense seconds,

after which it is all over.

When you practice consciously expressing anger there are a few hard-and-fast golden rules that

come with it, and these are not to be broken under any circumstances. If you feel anger, do not direct

it onto your partner, even if your emotions are convincing you that she is at fault. Do not touch her or

do anything to hurt her physically; do not even face her. Turn to face in the opposite direction,

showing her your back; then let a deep roar emerge from your belly.

PERSONAL SHARING

Releasing the Roar

The first time I consciously allowed my anger to flow was unforgettable. In the very instant that I felt the rising anger for

being blamed for something I did not do, I contacted a deep, roaring sound in my belly that was so powerful it shot me up

into the air to virtually touch the ceiling, and this one was higher than most ceilings. By the time gravity pulled me back to

terra firma a second or two later, it was all over. I felt no anger, no emotion, no resentment—nothing. I stepped back into

the moment without hesitation, ready to continue relating, I felt liberated and refreshed.

When anger arises, welcome it, knowing that it is old tension within you that can be transformed.

By expressing it you are released from its restrictive grip. Contacting feelings is a cleansing

experience; energy that was locked up suddenly becomes available. When you express a feeling or

transform an emotion into a feeling you feel lighter, expanded, and fresh; you’re more connected to

your partner, open and soft, clear and radiant, even loving. Emotions bring the experience of quite

opposite qualities: darkness and gloom, despair and collapse. The whole range of positive uplifting

experiences arise when you share your feelings. (Learn more in Nonviolent Communication: A

Language of Life ; see Recommended Books and Resources.)

HUMANS NEED LOVEMAKING FOR CONTINUED WELL-BEING

Relaxing into sex brings you into a state of being that is quite apart from the whole range of emotions.

Through relaxation we reach a rare state in which our energy is regenerated, and we become suffused

with peacefulness as opposed to frustration. As life force moves upward through the energy centers

(chakras), it cleanses and purifies them and makes the inner-body experience increasingly dynamic

and alive.

Contemporary women suffer from a mass of issues: extreme menstrual syndromes with hormonal

ups and downs, poor self-esteem, fears of aging, menopausal anxieties, disappointment, and often

disinterest in sex. At a certain point sex is considered by many women to be too much hard work with

very little reward, and for this reason they abandon it.

For men the situation is equally dire. Until given the chance to enjoy the expansion of his sexual

energy through direct experience, man cannot begin to imagine it. And since excitement and

ejaculation are the only experiences he knows, it is not so easy to consider doing something

differently. A man’s inability to channel his real life force can result in frustration, aggression, anger,

restlessness, obsessive fantasizing about sex (both alone and during the act), and all types of sexual

perversions.

When the life force circulates freely through man he finally feels himself as more of a man. At the

end of a recent workshop a man said, “This is the first time in my life of fifty-four years that I have

been given any insight or guidance on what it means to be a man.” And that was not the first time

we’ve heard this. When a man knows how to use his sexual energy correctly, allowing it to expand

throughout his body, the sense of self changes. Sex becomes less to do with the other or with getting

something, and becomes more a way of valuing and loving oneself, of being with oneself. And in this

frame woman is likely to be more interested in making love. With insight into our body mechanisms