Juan José Saer - Scars

He said he had listened.

You didn’t listen, I said.

I listened in parts, said Tomatis.

Not even in parts, I said. While I read you were thinking about how you were going to ask for the twenty-five thousand.

There could be some truth in that, said Tomatis.

I laughed, and so did he. Then he said he wasn’t in the mood to hear anything unless it was that special snap of ten-thousand-peso bills. Because they have a distinctive pop, different from the rest, don’t they? he said. Also, he added, they give off a glow. It’s like they’re surrounded by a halo. They emit their own light. Wherever they go, that luster follows.

The overflow of the sign’s significance, I said.

Indeed, said Tomatis.

We cracked up laughing.

But there’s still a problem, said Tomatis. How do I go about getting familiar with my twentieth of that check?

I’ll cash it tomorrow, I said.

So at ten in the morning I took the check from the tea tin and changed it at the bank. They gave me fifty ten-thousand-peso bills, which I put in the tea tin. At five exactly, and I know it was five because Delicia came in the study with the kettle and the mate , Tomatis arrived. It was raining. Since Tomatis didn’t have change, I had to give him thirty thousand. He said he would pay me back at the end of the month, when he got back from Buenos Aires, where he was working on a screenplay. I said I didn’t want it back, but that at some point in the future, I didn’t know when, be ready for me to come asking for it.

I don’t want excuses when that time comes, I said. If I’m asking for the money it’s because I don’t have a single cent left.

It’s a deal, said Tomatis.

Then it was quiet for a minute.

I’m ready to listen to that essay now, he said.

You lost your chance already, I said. I read it and you weren’t listening.

After Carlitos Tomatis left, I went out and called Marcos.

I got the check, I said. How can I get those thirty thousand back to you?

I didn’t give them to you so I could have them back, said Marquitos.

I didn’t ask you why you gave it to me, but how I can get it back to you, I said.

I can wait as long as you want, said Marquitos. I don’t need the money.

Should I come by your house tonight and drop it off? I said.

That’s not necessary, said Marquitos. I’ll see you soon, in any case.

I told him the sooner the better, and I hung up. Then I called Delicia into the study. I took out six ten-thousand-peso bills and held them out.

Here’s the fifty-four thousand you gave me, plus three for March, and three in advance for April, which makes sixty, I said.

Delicia said to keep them in the tea tin. I took the rest of the bills from the tin, then I put the tin in the top drawer of the desk.

It’s not locked, I said. Whenever you want to take it, any time, day or night, it’s here.

Then I put the rest of the money in the second drawer. It was already dark out. And it was still raining. Later, we ate. When I left the house, it was after ten. I had two ten-thousand-peso bills in my pocket. The night was blurred by the rain. I got to the club and walked slowly up the stairs, and as I reached the table I realized that the game hadn’t started yet. Several chairs were open, so I went to the cage and got two yellow ovals and ten red rectangles, then I sat down to the right of one of the workers. I stacked the chips on the felt, in front of me, and asked for notepaper. Just as the worker was handing it to me, two other workers at the table started shuffling the five decks of cards on the felt. Their hands moved randomly, in vague circles, and they took care to shuffle the decks. The two-hundred-sixty striped versos, themselves meaningless, were mixed up under the workers’ hands. Then they started making the short piles. Finally, they stacked them into a single pile, and the worker handed me a joker to cut the deck. So, I had to make the first decision blind. I ran the edge of the joker down the pike and then inserted it. The worker reversed the order of the two sections of the deck, divided where I had inserted the joker, by putting the top under the bottom. Then he put the deck in the dealer’s shoe and the game began.

The first hand, I didn’t play anything. It turned out punto. I didn’t play the second hand either, and punto took it again. The third hand, therefore, I played punto. There was a push at eight, and then it turned out punto. I had put in a yellow oval, and they gave me back two. I put them on punto again and won again. Instead of the two yellow ovals, they gave me back two large green rectangles. I waited a hand and it turned out banco. So I put one of the two green rectangles on banco and it turned out banco. I left the two rectangles on banco and got back four. I waited a hand, which turned out punto. Then I put two green rectangles on punto, and punto took it. I left the four on punto, and punto took it again. They gave me eight green rectangles.

I waited. I felt the way Christ must have felt when he walked on water. Just like that. When he walked on water, he understood he was the son of God. But he contradicted his laws. And because of this he was at odds with God. He was God too, but I was only Sergio Escalante, attorney. I could walk on water without God begetting me. Over the expectant surface. In my case, it was just an accident: the waters chose to not swallow me. But we refer to those exceptional accidents as miracles. And we are filled up with awe and rapture.

So I waited, and while I waited, it turned out banco. So I put three green rectangles on banco, and it turned out banco. I left the six on banco, and it turned out banco. They gave me six more and I waited. Banco took it again. I hadn’t lost, but it was a bad sign, a fracture in the surface of the water that I had to watch not to step in.

During the hands I waited the game got mixed up and progressed without any order at all. Then a game favoring the banco began to take shape, and when I saw that it was holding up, I played thirty thousand on banco and it turned out banco. I left the sixty and it turned out banco again.

While they were giving me the twelve green rectangles, which had the number stamped in gold in the center, I decided that at the next hand the game would shift, and I put five green rectangles on punto. And punto took it. They gave me back ten. I left five on punto, and they gave me back ten again. My pile of green rectangles and yellow ovals was so big that when I stretched my hands over them, with my fingers separated, I couldn’t cover them all.

Now three hands will turn out punto, I thought, then two bancos. I’m going to play five chips per hand, and after the fifth I’ll get up.

I won the first three hands on punto, and on the fourth I played the banco. The dealer turned the cards over on the table, and they showed that I had nine. I thought that the banco probably had a nine too. The banco turned his cards over and showed an eight and an ace. After the push, it turned out banco, and then to banco again. Now the whole circle of players was looking at my pile of green and yellow chips. I started gathering them up, and when I had the pile ready, I got up. I was walking toward the cage, with my pockets full of chips and even more in my hands, when I saw a guy standing next to me suddenly turn his head toward the stairs. I turned around. Then I saw that the police had come in.

There were more than twenty, and three or four had machine guns. They surrounded the table and told everyone not to move. A photographer jumped out from behind one that seemed to be the captain and took two pictures, the flashes bursting, one, then the next. Then they lined us up against a wall and called us over one at a time. When it was my turn, they took every last chip and wrote down my name and address. Then they sent me back to the wall.