Juan José Saer - Scars

I turn around hard, cross the bridge, and turn the corner. The engine roars. When I reach the avenue I realize that I’ve driven the whole way with the door open, that it’s been slamming crazily against the metal frame. On the avenue I find an open bar and stop the truck. I get out and drink two gins at the counter, one after the other. Then I go back to the house. I park the truck in the darkness and go inside with the shotgun. I turn on the light in the girl’s bedroom. She’s sleeping. I approach the bed and raise the shotgun to her head. I pull the trigger, but there’s nothing but a metallic click. Then I go to my bedroom. There’s the dresser and the oval mirror, which reflects me as I pass. I leave the shotgun on the bed, take off the cartridge belt, and set it next to the shotgun. Then I go to the courtyard, pick up the kettle and the mate , both cold, from where I left them that morning, and go to the kitchen. I dump out the old yerba, pour in some new stuff, and when the kettle starts to whistle I take it and the mate and the straw to the corridor. I sit down in the low chair.

The rain falls on the mutilated black trees lying in the courtyard. The corridor light illuminates them weakly. Still, they’re blinding. The cracked bark fills with water, and parts of the bare courtyard are suddenly reflective. It’s blinding. I close my eyes briefly, pressing hard. When I open them, the wet stumps and the bare courtyard are still there.

And I realize that I’ve only erased part of it, not everything, and there’s still something left to erase so it’s all erased forever.

NAM OPORTET HAERESES ESSE

Juan José Saer (1937–2005), born in Santa Fe, Argentina, was the leading Argentinian writer of the post-Borges generation. In 1968, he moved to Paris and taught literature at the University of Rennes. The author of numerous novels and short-story collections — including The Sixty-Five Years of Washington and La Grande , also available from Open Letter — Saer was awarded Spain’s prestigious Nadal Prize in 1987 for The Event .

Steve Dolph is the founding editor of Calque , a journal of literature in translation. His translation of Juan José Saer’s The Sixty-Five Years of Washington was published by Open Letter in 2010. He lives in Philadelphia.