Carmen Boullosa - Cleopatra Dismounts

“The dead man lowered his voice and went on, ’There is something else I must tell you. The young man to whom they offered money to watch over me fell into a sleep induced by the wizards. Almost at once they started to summon me: ’Telephron, Telephron!’ I felt compelled to obey them. But as the young man and I share the same name, and as he is young and nimble and I was rigid with cold, he got up first and went over to them. I saw them steal his nose and ears. I gave a shriek of horror and leapt backwards. When they realized their mistake, they stuck a false nose and ears on his face. By that time dawn was already breaking, and they had no darkness left to cover any theft from me. If I am complete, it is no credit to the rascal who shares my name. Don’t give him a single drachma. He deserves nothing.’

“He let out another horrifying scream and fell down, an inanimate corpse once again.

“I felt my nose and one ear. There was no feeling in them; they were not mine. I ripped them off in my panic. I had no wish to carry around for the rest of my days replacements that were the work of vile wizards.”

The gladiators broke into howls of laughter.

“Magnificent!” bellowed Cleophas. “Totally magnificent! Well done, Telephron.”

The young Greek came over to me and said, “Actually, he lost them in the arena. That’s why he wears a mask. Every day he invents a different story to explain it. Knowing you’re Egyptians, he took the opportunity to lay the blame on Egypt. He was teasing you all along!”

Behind the mask gleamed two rascally eyes, full of life.

“Telephron, you were lucky those damned wizards didn’t steal your eyes,” I said. “Thanks for your story. It was truly magnificent.”

“Story? What story?” the rascal replied. “I hate Egypt, and with good reason.”

“I’d swear you are Egyptian yourself.”

“And how would the future queen of Egypt know a thing like that?”

“By the gleam in your eyes. By your story. You know very well, Telephron, that it’s a story often told in the streets of Alexandria.”

I took the hand of the slave and planted a kiss on his fingers. But my eyes were fixed on the Greek boy, Apollodorus, and they said to him, “These kisses are for you.”

Telephron mumbled something, humbly grateful to receive recognition from a princess. He cast his gleaming eyes to the ground and scurried off among his companions, but Apollodorus wasted no time in boldly coming closer.

I was equally quick to make him an offer. “Wouldn’t you like to come with us? I have two ships waiting at Brundisium, ready to sail. I’ll get you out of Rome. We’ll travel together to the harbor, and if you want, you can come aboard the ship.”

“Aren’t you coming back?”

“One day. When I’m queen of Egypt. When they place a gold statue of me in the Temple of Venus here. But not before then.”

“When you come back, Cleopatra, I’ll be waiting. By that time I’ll be a free man. I’ll be rich and I’ll marry you.”

One of my maids pinched him and said, “Don’t even dream of it! Cleopatra will only marry the man who is master of the world.”

“That’ll be me. I will be master of the world. Right now I’m only a gladiator. And before this I was merely a shepherd. I lived in a hut with a straw roof, beside a creek whose name means nothing in Rome. If I’ve achieved so much already in my fourteen years, how much will I have achieved by the time I’m twenty?”

Fourteen! How could he be only fourteen? So tall! He looked far older to my eyes. A thick beard covered a good part of his face. He was so, so handsome!

“Always supposing you don’t die first!” put in one of the other gladiators. “Go on, Apollodorus. Escape with her. Grab your chance!” The hair of this gladiator shone in the light of the setting sun. His eyes were bright. He spoke perfect Greek. “Take advantage of the generous offer. Run off with these women. Only death awaits you here. Go on! Go back to your parents. Or try your luck in Alexandria. Anywhere but here. Why do you want to be master of the world? You know the old rhyme? ’The city is the site of dole and dearth; the country is the very soul of mirth.’ Go back there.”

“You obviously never were a shepherd or smelled sheep shit!”

“It’s just as obvious that you know nothing about the world. Nothing of the political intrigues that control the Empire. Master of the world? You don’t even know who makes the decisions that count. I was a senator once. You know that well enough. I had a name that meant something back then. I was respected and rich. Now I’m like a slave. A mere gladiator. And all because I didn’t know how to bow my head before the power of gold and all the other filthy shit. I know what I’m talking about.”

Then he continued:

Happy the man who far from commerce thrives,

Where cruel usury exerts no sway;

The Golden Age still rules his carefree day,

His sturdy oxen plow his father’s fields,

And ocean storms betray no sailors’ lives.

“Your bitterness blinds you. You can’t see that grass and alfalfa can never match the grandeur of a city.”

“And you! You must have overlooked the cool shade of leafy beech trees. You must have been insensitive to the lush, deep grass, to the soft ears of wheat. Deaf to the song of the nightingale, blind to the lovely flowers and the ripe, luxuriant crops. In the poet’s words, ’Thin was your bull amid the bounteous pastures.’”

“Thin bulls? What are you talking about? I was forever treading on snakes, dodging poisonous plants, and scratching my legs on thistles!”

“The juice of freshly ripened grapes must have pleased you, Apollodorus.”

“Never tasted it! Never saw an oak struck by lightning, either. There was no chance there of ever becoming a real man, of leaving a lasting mark on the world.”

“But listen to what the poet is saying, boy!

Here sons of soldiers till the fertile soil.

Obedient to their austere mothers’ call,

They fell the forest, load up logs for home,

While evening’s shadows climb the mountain tops

And lowing kine draw carts across the lea.

So all enjoy sweet hours of repose.

You see? It was men like these who earned Rome its reputation. Not the ones who’ve grown up amid luxury and vice. They’re not a patch on the vigorous souls who once lived on the banks of the Tiber.”

In the genial quarrel between the two were sprinkled lines from the Roman poets. They gave us a pleasure far different from the ones afforded by the arena.

By this time we had covered a fair stretch of the way. The walls of Rome were already in sight. A dense crowd was massed around the gates. It seemed impossible to penetrate it. The gladiators had closed ranks around us. One of my maids gave women’s clothing to the Greek boy, so that he could disguise himself, saying, “If you want to come with us, better get these on you right away!”

Protected by the first shadows of the night and the confusion of the crowd, Apollodorus slipped over his cheap clothing the fine robes of an oriental princess. With an ingenuity I cannot explain, Charmian pulled out a wig from one of the bags she was carrying and rapidly fitted it on the head of the young Greek, using a veil to conceal the hairy lower half of his face.

The change of clothing only served to heighten his charms. And his own excitement produced an unfortunate result. Under the fine linens, it did not take much effort to see, bulged his erect penis. Erect from what? Panic or passion? I had never seen the like of it before as a reaction to the unexpected. Could it be that he had felt his manhood threatened by the woman’s clothing and this was a kind of masculine protest? In their nervousness my maids had noticed nothing. But I was not at all nervous. In fact, I was enjoying the ease with which our escape was proceeding. But on spying this danger of betrayal, I acted swiftly. I stood close in front of him and jammed my back against him, so that nobody else could see what I had seen. The effect was instantaneous. The body of the girlish princess, so long caressed on the balcony by his longing eyes, extinguished the erection totally. He placed his hand on my shoulder and I turned around, walking backwards. We looked each other in the eye, and his glance said to me, “Everything’s under control. Relax!”