Carmen Boullosa - Cleopatra Dismounts

Before I could reconsider the matter, we were overtaken by the burly gladiators. Their three guards didn’t dare to object, as we squeezed our way in among them, and the fighting men seemed to grasp intuitively that we were sneaking away, all as if we had rehearsed the thing.

The gladiator with the mask was the first to speak. “Hey, is it true you’re Egyptians?”

The only reply was the laughter of my maids.

Then I said, “Well, one day I’m going to be queen of Egypt. But really, I’m a Lagid. I’m heir to the throne of Alexander the Great.”

“Then that means you’re Greeks! I knew it. You don’t look Egyptian, any of you,” he said. “So it’s safe for me to tell you that the reason I have to wear a mask is because of the damned Egyptians!”

“There goes Telephron again!” exclaimed one of the gladiators. “Fabricating another version of his old story.”

“It’s old stuff for you, Cleophas, but it’s my face I’m talking about.”

“Don’t get miffed, Telephron,” replied Cleophas placat-ingly. “Tell the story, tell it.”

Telephron began. “As luck — bad luck — would have it, I traveled to Larissa, during my student days.

“I’ve lived in Larissa,” I interposed. “That’s where Achilles came from.”

“Well, it looked very Egyptian to me, whether Achilles came from there or not. You see, I’m a Greek and—”

“Get on with it!” insisted Cleophas. “Stick to the point!”

“I was a typical student and liked to wander around, exploring things for myself. One day, I saw this old man, perched on a big boulder. He was advertising for somebody to watch over a corpse. The pay was really good — at least to a student like me. I was poor and naive, you see. And I was amused by the idea as well. ’Hey, you mean the dead around here get up and walk, so they need supervision?’ I shouted to the old man. ’Here in Larissa,’ he said, ’same as in the rest of Thebes, the dead neither run nor breathe. But we do have a problem with wizards. They seize any chance to tear off pieces of the face, even teeth and eyes, to use in their spells. So we need to keep a careful watch on corpses all night long.’

‘“What does it involve?”

“‘You’ve got to stay awake all night. Keep your eyes on the body. Not looking away. Staring straight at it, all the time. That’s all. The catch is that the wizards know how to change their shapes. They can transform themselves into flies. Or elephants.’

“I roared with laughter. ’Flies and elephants!’

“‘Correct, young man. Flies and elephants. Or birds or snakes. Anything they like.’

“‘I’ll take the job,’ I said. Not just because I needed the money, but because the whole thing seemed so ludicrous.

“‘You’re taking it? Then everybody here should witness it.’

“‘Right. I take it. The job is mine.’

“‘I only want to warn you about two things. First, the wizards will do everything in their power to make you fall asleep. You’ll have your work cut out to stay awake.’

‘“No problem. I accept. On my honor. And you’ll pay full price?’

“‘There’s one more thing. If the corpse is fully intact the next morning, you get the lot. But listen carefully to this. If you fall asleep and the wizards steal part of the face — the nose, a tooth, an ear or an eye — you’ll have to replace with one of your own, because we’re paying you to ensure our relative goes complete to the Kingdom of the Dead. Is that clear? You must guard Telephron’s body as if it were your own.”

“I nodded my head in agreement. But with a little less enthusiasm than before. The dead man, it turned out, was also called Telephron, my name. That coincidence, combined with the risk, made me doubly uneasy; it undermined my courage.

“The old man took me to the house where Telephron was going to watch over Telephron. The dead man and I were alone in the room. I shut the doors and the windows as tightly as I could. Night had just fallen and the full moon appeared. Before long I had to scare away a rat and then a spider. After that, a beetle appeared, then a snake and a strange blue bird that refused to fly and hopped on one leg. These animals kept on appearing with extraordinary rapidity. I had no doubt that they were wizards in other shapes and fear overcame my heart. I was determined to remain fully alert, afraid that they might approach me in the form of a flea or a fluttering moth. There I was, unnerved because of the nonstop intrusions but tensely on guard, because of the horrendous risk I was running. Then I can’t explain how — but standing erect, with one hand on my ear, bending it forward to catch the least sound — I fell fast asleep!

“The next morning trumpets awoke me. My fingers were stiff, still bent in position round my ear. Immediately the widow came in, followed by a notary who had come to testify legally as to the condition of the corpse. After a scrupulous examination, he signed a statement that Telephron, the corpse, was completely intact. The widow thanked me and said she would pay me at once. Naturally, I thanked her as any Greek would, by wishing her a long life. But in the eyes of an Egyptian widow these were the words of a curse. Totally offensive to the deceased, since I seemed eager to condemn him to spending a long period in the other world without his beloved wife.

“The servants beat me up, shouting at me ’Insolent pig! Worshipper of animals!’ They pulled out my hair and tossed me into the street. They gave me no time to state my case and, of course, they gave me no money. There I was, in the middle of the street, as poor as ever and bruised all over. I started to weep with rage. As if my tears had attracted him, there arrived another man, also in tears. He was so visibly upset that I put aside my rage. I asked him what his problem was. Because of his deep, uncontrollable sobbing, it was hard to understand what he was saying. So much weeping had swollen his eyes and reminded me of the poet’s words:

Lo, all the tears we shed today

Wash not one single grief away.

‘“They killed my son,’ he finally blurted out amid sobs, hiccups, sighs, and other sounds of grief I won’t bother to detail for you. He pointed to the house I’d just been thrown out of. ’His wife poisoned him, so she could get all his property and marry her lover.’

“My selfish tears had stopped. I saw a way of getting even. I called out, ’This good man says the grieving widow in there is a fake. She killed his son!’

“The old man gathered strength from my shouts and started to shout himself. ’She did it! She did it! To steal his inheritance and to enrich her lover with the fruits of my labors and those of my father and my son.’

“The young widow, who was far from ugly, came out with her retainers to rebut the charge. She swore her innocence, but the people put more faith in the old man’s accusation and began to stone her. But her pleas sounded so heartfelt that in the end the father of the victim himself cried out, ’Stop, that’s enough for now! I’ll fetch a wizard who will confirm my suspicions. I couldn’t live with myself if I had the least doubt I’d acted improperly.’

“Hardly had the words left his mouth when a man with a shaven head, typical of Egyptian priests, came forward and without a word touched the mouth of the dead man with both his hands.

“The corpse suddenly breathed. In a strong deep voice it cried out, ’Let me sleep!’

‘“No, I will not let you sleep,’ said the priest, ’and if you do not answer my questions, I will curse you all the way to the land of the dead. What caused your death?’

“The corpse uttered an ominous shriek. ’The woman I had the misfortune to marry introduced, little by little, drops of poison into my drink. Even as she was faking smiles, she was murdering me.’