Tao Lin - Richard Yates

“What,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I told you about how I get upset when you interrupt people and you just said ‘I’ve always done things like that.’ I told you I don’t like how you chew on your thumbs and you never made any attempt to stop. I never say anything about it because I thought you didn’t think I was doing enough to make you want to think about it.”

“I said I don’t want to interrupt people,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You still do it though,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I’ll stop chewing my thumbs,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You did it at the reading. You interrupted the host.”

“I don’t interrupt people,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“She was talking and you yelled ‘I don’t want to go first anymore.’ ”

“If it’s something like that I think it’s okay to interrupt,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It’s okay if you say excuse me or ask politely,” said Dakota Fanning.

“If I know no one there cares I won’t waste people’s time with that,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You interrupted the man on the subway and all he wanted to do was help us.”

“I know, and I stopped and said I felt stupid,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I interrupted because I was nervous he was wasting his time.”

“Okay, I’m sorry I accused you,” said Dakota Fanning. “I still think you should have been more polite to the host,” she said a few minutes later. Haley Joel Osment said he hated that she was saying these things and that it felt like she was just getting back at him. Dakota Fanning said she wasn’t trying to do that at all. She said she felt terrible. She said if they were talking in real life he wouldn’t feel that way.

The next day on Gmail chat Haley Joel Osment said he felt shitty. Dakota Fanning said she wanted to hug him. “I’m just depressed,” he said. Dakota Fanning said she mailed him a sea lion stuffed animal. “I have to go,” she said. “My mom needs the computer. Can I call later?”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Wait. I feel shitty, I probably won’t have anything to say. You can call if you want.” She did not call. After midnight she text-messaged “I feel like shit, I’m never going to make anyone happy, I might kill myself soon, killing myself is the only way I will ever positively affect anyone.”

Haley Joel Osment text-messaged that he felt bad and that Dakota Fanning was good.

Dakota Fanning text-messaged “I don’t know, you just never seem happy with me anymore, even if I make you laugh I just always feel like I’m not good enough.”

A few days later she sent Haley Joel Osment two cell phone photos of a smashed violin and text-messaged “I filmed a horror movie for you, will show you Monday, my phone doesn’t send video messages.”

The next afternoon Haley Joel Osment went to New Jersey and watched the horror movie on Dakota Fanning’s cell phone. It was seven seconds and in two parts. It showed her father walking with both arms forward like a zombie. It showed the smashed violin on the floor.

“I like it a lot,” said Haley Joel Osment grinning and watched it again.

“How did you get your dad to do that?” he said.

“I just told him to walk like he was a zombie,” said Dakota Fanning.

In the morning her mother drove her and Haley Joel Osment to the airport.

In Florida they ate dinner with Haley Joel Osment’s mother at a Thai restaurant. They went to Whole Foods and bought many fruits and vegetables. They went to a theme park called Epcot and stole an Alice in Wonderland dress and went in a private bathroom and Dakota Fanning changed into the dress. They stole a stuffed animal with a hidden pouch and talked about using the hidden pouch to steal more things. The stuffed animal was Eeyore. Dakota Fanning photographed Haley Joel Osment wearing Eeyore on his head while making peace signs with both his hands. They had begun making double peace signs in photos after seeing many Japanese people doing it on the internet a few weeks ago. Haley Joel Osment photographed Dakota Fanning standing in front of a restaurant. They went in the restaurant. Dakota Fanning text-messaged Pedro that she was wearing an Alice in Wonderland dress. Haley Joel Osment thought about text messaging someone. He didn’t want to text message anyone. “I felt alone when you were texting Pedro,” he said to Dakota Fanning after a few minutes of being quiet.

The restaurant had half-circle-shaped tables where ten people sat facing a chef who cooked things while trying to make everyone laugh. Dakota Fanning told Haley Joel Osment that one of the obese heavy metal fans at their table photographed her about a minute ago. Haley Joel Osment asked if it was the smaller one or the bigger one. The smaller one was wearing a Megadeth T-shirt. The bigger one was wearing a Slayer T-shirt. Dakota Fanning said it was the bigger one. She said the person was probably going to masturbate to her photo later. Haley Joel Osment said it was an opportunity for the person because it’s rare to see someone wearing an Alice in Wonderland dress. He said Dakota Fanning should photograph the person and put it on the internet saying he photographed her for masturbation purposes. “Okay,” she said and held her camera. “I’m afraid,” she said. “Me too,” said Haley Joel Osment. The heavy metal fans ordered steaks substituting broccoli with potatoes. The bigger one pushed his salad aside. Dakota Fanning did not finish her pasta and offered some to Haley Joel Osment who kissed her and ate the pasta. “She stopped herself from eating too much, she is aware and doing things,” he thought with a very neutral facial expression. “I feel happy, we’re getting better.”

In his parents’ house they watched a movie about two people in a relationship in Mississippi. Dakota Fanning was asleep after about fifty minutes. Haley Joel Osment had seen the movie a few years ago and wanted to see it with Dakota Fanning. In bed he asked if she liked the movie. She said it was okay. He said he felt alone when she was asleep.

A few nights later they were having sex and Haley Joel Osment sat and did things to Dakota Fanning’s vagina with his fingers for about eight minutes. She orgasmed. She said “Sorry.”

“What do you mean?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m sorry it took so long. I should have stopped you.”

Haley Joel Osment lay and they held each other. He thought about saying it was okay. After about a minute he asked what she thought about while trying to orgasm. “I thought about you fucking me,” she said and was quiet for about thirty seconds. “What do you think about when I’m giving you a blowjob?”

“Mostly I don’t think anything,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I just feel it.”

They were quiet and then Dakota Fanning asked when he last masturbated. He said probably before going to New Jersey to come to Florida. Dakota Fanning asked what he thought about when he masturbated.

“Different people, I think,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Do you think about me?” said Dakota Fanning quietly.

“Yes. Sometimes. Usually I think about different people.”

“Who?” said Dakota Fanning.

“Strangers, that I’ve seen that day, usually,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What do you think about?” he said after about five seconds.

Dakota Fanning said she usually didn’t think about sex at first. She thought about writing an essay or doing other schoolwork until she was ready to orgasm and then she thought about different people. She said she always thought about Haley Joel Osment when she orgasmed. They talked some more about sexual things. Haley Joel Osment said he had to think about different people to stay aroused for a long time. Dakota Fanning was quiet and then said she needed to pee and left the bed.