Tao Lin - Richard Yates

After the giant email she sent three short emails.

Haley Joel Osment sent a short email.

Dakota Fanning sent many medium-sized emails.

They sent more emails.

Around 5:00 p.m. Dakota Fanning said she was going for a walk and that Haley Joel Osment could call or text message whenever he wanted. Haley Joel Osment left Bobst Library and bought a salad and sat on a bench in front of New York University’s business school. He ate his salad listening to “Jackass” by The Vandals on repeat and felt sunlight on his face. He bought iced coffee. He went in Bobst Library. Dakota Fanning had emailed two photos of the backs of people in her town. “Thank you for the pictures,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email. “If you have more things to email so I can know more about you, so I can think about them, email them please.”

The next afternoon Dakota Fanning sent a very giant email.

“Thank you for emailing me about those things,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email. “There have been many times where I really wanted to leave you but because of circumstance I couldn’t. One time after we ate at Zen Palate you wanted to go home and read. I wanted to tell you to go home to New Jersey to read. When you were late to meet me at the train with the orange dress, I think the orange dress, we had agreed on Gmail chat to go to the ledge. But then you were late to the station and then you didn’t want to go to the ledge. When we got to the buses you didn’t want to go on the buses. I walked around trying to figure out if I should go back to New York. When we got off the train at Hoboken you didn’t take off your headphones even when you tried to ask me how to buy a ticket for the PATH train. I really hate that. During this time I would always like you more when we talked on Gmail chat and not when I saw you in person. I’m horrible for caring so much about weight. But obviously I need to be physically attracted to someone or else some part of the relationship is not fulfilled. And also I talked about what I think when I see an overweight person in a relationship. So after seeing you I would always think ‘I’m not going to be with her anymore’ but then we would talk on Gmail chat and text messages and I would like you again. Remember when I made you a peanut butter and flaxseed sandwich while you were showering? I stopped doing things like that because I saw that you don’t do things like that for me, and if I kept doing them I would start to feel irritated, because it would remind me how you don’t do them for me, causing me to eventually not like you anymore.”

“Maybe if I could make fun of myself more I would change faster,” said Dakota Fanning in an email. “I wish you made fun of me more. Like when I look at a cheese beast I make fun of it and I think ‘I don’t ever want to be that, that really is ridiculous.’ If we had made fun of me more I would think ‘I really am being a ridiculous asshole.’ Today I kind of felt like that. Instead of crying and feeling ashamed I thought ‘fuck, what the hell have I become? I’m so confused, I’m out-of-control’ and laughed a little. I walked around by the river and did pushups and exercised on my mom’s exercise machine and felt happy and calm.”

They continued emailing. Their emails became shorter and more frequent. “Did you like the cheese beast I sent you?” said Dakota Fanning in an email. “I saw it on Newsweek . My mom just got a new cell phone so now I have her old phone and can take pictures. My mom just said hi. She really likes you now. We talked about you in the Wendy’s parking lot. She said it really meant a lot to her when you sent her the email thanking her for all those things.”

A few days later Dakota Fanning emailed around 9:00 p.m. that she was bored and still hadn’t done her Advanced Placement work. She said she wouldn’t be able to go to Haley Joel Osment’s July 20 reading if she didn’t finish her Advanced Placement work. “Do things,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email around 5:00 a.m. “You don’t do things unless I lecture you. Then you do things for the two days after I lectured you. I’m tired of lecturing you. Why do people only do things when you lecture them? I’m so tired of lecturing people. I’m tired. People don’t think or something. They only think when you lecture them, then they only think for two days. I’ve never met anyone not like this. Amazing. I’ve never met someone not like this.”

“I did do things yesterday until I felt sick later in the afternoon,” said Dakota Fanning in an email around 5:30 a.m. “I exercised, read, and worked in the garden. I felt bored because I couldn’t talk to you, not because I wasn’t doing anything or didn’t have anything to do.”

“Hi,” she said about an hour later on Gmail chat.

“Do you know when you’re going to Florida,” she said.

“August 1,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’ll talk to my mom once more about it before she talks to your mom. She still hasn’t given me an answer about it,” said Dakota Fanning about going to Florida for a week with Haley Joel Osment. “It takes her like a week to decide on anything.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You are irritated with me right now I think.”

“I’m tired of lecturing you.”

“I did do things yesterday, you didn’t have to lecture me.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m tired of lecturing.”

“Okay. Do you still want me to come to your reading and Florida.”

“Yes. But I am tired of lecturing you. You act differently after I lecture. I don’t know. I am tired of lecturing. Just print out selections of my lecture of you and pretend I am doing it each morning and you will act differently.” Dakota Fanning said “Okay.” “But do it before I tell you to do it, in the future,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “Which is impossible,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Since I just told you to do it.”

Dakota Fanning said she had to start getting ready to go to work with her mother.

“I can predict what is going to happen,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I predicted it before and every time I lectured you. That is bad. That is so tiring. I feel so tired of people. I wish someone would surprise me for once.”

Dakota Fanning wasn’t typing anything.

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Go get ready.”

“I understand,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I can also predict that you will probably try a little harder since I said I can predict. And maybe do something I can’t predict, until the next time I say it. There’s really nothing you can say anymore. I wouldn’t know what to say. I would think there is something really wrong with one of us.”

“I will email throughout the day,” said Dakota Fanning. “I have to go. Thank you for being honest. What airline do you usually fly.”

“Delta,” said Haley Joel Osment.

That night around 9:30 p.m. after sleeping from 8:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Haley Joel Osment emailed Dakota Fanning that she didn’t surprise him today. He said he wasn’t going to talk to her or think about her. “You didn’t understand how ‘dire’ the situation was this morning,” he said.

Dakota Fanning emailed that the day wasn’t over. “I just went to Wal-Mart to steal a tape recorder,” she said. “I’m going to record some songs for you. I couldn’t find a tape recorder at Wal-Mart and Staples was closed so I just stole a tape and will use tape man’s recorder until I have to mail it back. I just got home now. I thought you would be surprised if I sang some of your favorite songs for you. I spent the rest of the time painting and making paper cranes covered in little hamsters. I stole the heart monitor so we could listen to our hearts when I come for your reading. I talked to my mom about Florida and she said ‘I don’t know, I really don’t think you should go, I don’t know, that’s my gut feeling’ but she wasn’t saying ‘no’ really. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”