Tao Lin - Richard Yates

A few hours later they were on a bed they had made on the floor. It was light outside. They had not slept. Haley Joel Osment was crying a little on his back with his arms by his sides. Dakota Fanning was kneeling over him saying “Please don’t cry, please don’t cry” while lightly touching and sometimes hugging him.

About ten minutes later Haley Joel Osment was thinking “She is crying alone ‘over there’ ” with his eyes closed while still on his back. Dakota Fanning was on her side facing away. She rolled toward him and hugged him very hard and went downstairs. Haley Joel Osment thought about why she hugged him so hard. He went downstairs. In a bathroom the door to the area with a toilet and a bathtub was locked.

Haley Joel Osment said “Dakota” a few times and tried to open the door. He walked away and sat on the edge of a guest bed. He walked to the door and knocked. He sat on the floor. “Please let me in,” he said in a high-pitched voice. “I’m afraid. Please. Dakota.” He heard metallic noises. He opened the door. Dakota Fanning was standing in the bathtub wrapped in the shower curtain. He unwrapped the shower curtain. There was blood on the front of Dakota Fanning’s bright-orange American Apparel dress.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

They sat on the edge of the guest bed. He moved her dress and saw cuts on her chest. She said she had lied about the scars on her thighs being from cutting too deep when she wanted a little blood to use in Valentine’s cards for her friends. She said she had cut her thighs because she hated herself and wanted to remind herself of things. She said something about tape man. “You probably think I’m a stupid melodramatic 12-year-old now,” she said.

They talked for about thirty minutes.

Dakota Fanning said she wouldn’t cut herself anymore.

They slept until around 2:30 p.m. and then drove to the beach. They looked at many dead jellyfish on the sand. They put their clothes and sandals on a towel. Dakota Fanning was in her underwear. Haley Joel Osment asked if her cuts would hurt in the water and she said probably but that she didn’t care. They jumped against the waves and swam parallel to the shore. On the drive to Haley Joel Osment’s parents’ house the sky was red and purple and other colors.

They parked under a bridge and looked at dolphins in the distance.

At Haley Joel Osment’s parents’ house they showered together and drank smoothies.

Around 11:00 p.m. they walked about thirty minutes to Blockbuster Video and rented a movie about corporations and a movie about a depressed Japanese person in Bangkok. They drank coffee and watched both movies. During the second movie Dakota Fanning stood and walked to different areas of the living room while looking at the TV screen. Haley Joel Osment asked what she was doing. She said she was moving so she wouldn’t fall asleep. “I’m glad she wants to stay awake, but I don’t know,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “Is that really the best way.”

Around 5:00 a.m. they went upstairs to Haley Joel Osment’s room. Dakota Fanning talked about wanting drum lessons. Haley Joel Osment asked why she wanted that if she already didn’t have time to do other things. After a few minutes she said she didn’t want drum lessons. Haley Joel Osment became upset that she was wearing her purple dress on their last night together instead of the orange dress. She said her orange dress was dirty. Haley Joel Osment said she could have washed it in the bathtub when they got back from the beach.

Around 8:30 a.m. they drove to the airport.

Dakota Fanning went to New Jersey.

That afternoon Haley Joel Osment text-messaged her and she said she was surprised. On Gmail chat he asked why she had been surprised. “I don’t know,” she said. “You just seemed upset this morning. I thought either you were never going to talk to me again or you’d just stop for a few days.”

“How do you feel now,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I feel okay. I’m happy you’re talking to me because I was very worried and depressed and lonely all day but I still feel sad because we’re so far away.”

“Me too,” said Haley Joel Osment.

A few days later on Gmail chat around 1:00 a.m. Dakota Fanning said she had to sleep because she was leaving around 4:00 a.m. for a tow-truck convention in Texas with her mother. Haley Joel Osment said something about how in Florida Dakota Fanning had said she was going to make a stuffed dog for his mother.

“I am,” she said. “But I can’t until I get back from Texas.”

“Are you tired,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Yes, I am tired. Do you want me to stay?”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Are you sure? I’ll stay.”

“Take caffeine when you are tired,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I want to figure out why you don’t take caffeine right now. I was always the one to make us take it. Or else we’d be sitting there feeling shitty the entire time in Florida. I want to figure out why that is.”

“I took it all day today on my own,” said Dakota Fanning. “I didn’t take it now because I should sleep before I leave. I’m not like you, I can’t sleep 14 hours a day. I need to sleep a little tonight because I probably won’t be able to sleep when I get to Texas because I can’t sleep well in hotels. It’s not good to just continuously take caffeine and never sleep I think.”

“Why isn’t it good to never sleep? I mean when you’re with someone. Not when you’re alone. I mean you only started taking the pills after I said things in Florida. So I feel like I’m the only person wanting to stay awake and actually do things with the other person.”

“That was bad,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m sorry to make you feel that way. I will remind myself to get out of the habit of waiting for you to do things first. I waited in Epcot because I didn’t think you wanted to drink their shitty coffee so I was nervous about it so I waited until you asked.”

“But I like it when someone I like wants to drink coffee on their own volition in order to be more alive around me,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Why would you not want that, I still don’t understand.”

“I do want that but I always wait until you want it too.”

“But tell me why,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I wait to ask because I’m a robot. I told you this before. I need your approval for pretty much everything. I’m a robot. I wait for you to say things because I’m too afraid to ask or say things that I’m not sure you will approve of. That is bad. I will remember. It’s wrong to wait for you to ask instead of just asking myself for coffee.” Dakota Fanning typed coffee as caffe and Haley Joel Osment stared at that. “It’s not wrong,” he said. “It’s what you do naturally. Tell me why. Also if you want to lose weight why would you want to drink that smoothie instead of a normal green tea at Wal-Mart?”

“Because I don’t understand how important caffeine is I guess. I didn’t think caffeine would make me walk longer distances or something. I thought it would just make me awake and faster.”

“Even if you don’t feel better, wouldn’t you think it would make me feel happier if I saw that you wanted to try to have more energy to match what you say instead of doing the opposite of what you say?”

“I really didn’t think that,” said Dakota Fanning. “Yes it would. I’m stupid for not thinking that way.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to make yourself awake and faster, if you think you’re boring to me? I’m not angry or accusing you of anything. I just want to know.”

“I need to be more extreme I think,” said Dakota Fanning. “Getting caffeine or making sure I don’t have bad breath should be as important as making sure I go to the bathroom before I piss myself. I will make it as important. I was very careless and selfish. Doing things to make you more comfortable and happy should be more important than anything for myself. When we were driving I should have asked you to stop somewhere so I could get coffee and mints or something just as I asked to pee. I want to be considerate and energetic for you, I don’t care about not sleeping anymore. That isn’t important. I want to stay and talk with you. I should be glad when I’m not sleeping because then I have more time to do better things like talking to you and exercising and reading.”