Witi Ihimaera - Uncle's Story

‘God, Johnny, I’m so bored,’ Sam remembered.

‘When I saw you signing back to me, it was like I wasn’t alone any longer — that there was somebody in the world who could hear me.’

The sea was rolling in. The waves were sucking at the hot sand.

‘Love happened to me in Vietnam, Sam, and I wasn’t expecting it — but it was the only good thing to come out of my war and I’m going to trust in it.

‘Sometimes I feel shit scared about what has happened to us. What is happening to us. I know it’s the same with you and we’re both terrified of where we go from here. I never ever wanted a complicated life. I think I’m still basically heterosexual, but that’s had to go on hold too. Since that first night in Vung Tau we’ve avoided talking about the physical stuff. But one of these days we’re going to have to bite on that bullet —’

‘It might explode in our faces —’

‘We’ve got to take the risk,’ Cliff said. ‘If we don’t, we’ll never know.’

‘What happens if it doesn’t work out?’

‘You go back to your life and I go back to mine.’

Sam turned and looked at Cliff. ‘And if it does work out?’

Cliff’s eyes crinkled into a grin. He was looking sexy as hell.

‘What do you mean if !’

By the time Sam and Cliff got to Tolaga Bay they were really running close to time — and the town was packed to the gills.

‘Holy Hone Hika,’ Sam said as he negotiated the traffic and sped towards the marae. There, cars were packed in like sardines.

‘This must be some wedding,’ Cliff said.

‘Yes, it’s a special one. My father always puts on a good show. He’s made sure everybody has pulled out all the stops. A lot of important people are coming.’

Sam grabbed up his gear and led Cliff into the meeting house where wedding guests were changing into their flash clothes. Until Sam and Cliff’s arrival everybody had been carrying on as if they were in the changing sheds at the public baths. Old kuia were putting dresses over slips. Men were hitching up pants over longjohns.

‘Hey, Milly! You better stop feeding your man! Jumping Jack’s getting so fat he can’t keep up his pants anymore.’

‘Oh, don’t worry about him, Whina. It gives Jack his excuse to flash.’

‘Flash? What? I didn’t see a thing, Milly! Did any of you other girls see anything?’

The other ‘girls’ looked at each other blankly.

‘Us? No, it must have happened when we were looking!’

When Sam walked in with Cliff, everyone went silent. As Sam made the introductions he could see the women coyly reaching for sheets under which to continue dressing. And did their language change? Did it what.

‘Oh, Whina, dear, do you happen to have a spare comb?’

‘No, Milly, darling, but I think I have a hairbrush! Yes, here it is.’

‘Oh, thank you, Whina.’

Sam smiled at Cliff and shrugged his shoulders.

‘They’re embarrassed because you’re a Pakeha.’

‘So I should do as the natives do?’ Cliff asked.

With that he dropped his trousers. There was a gasp — and a groan of disappointment as everyone realised Cliff was wearing underpants. An old woman’s voice floated across the meeting house:

‘Now I know I saw nothing, but give me that any day to Jumping Jack’s flash .’

Everybody roared with laughter and normal misbehaviour resumed. Across the room, Sam saw Patty waving furiously — she had already linked up with Kara and Anita — and Florence pointing at her watch.

‘Hurry up and get to the hotel! Your father’s already gone to collect the bride. You better get George down to the church quick and smart.’

‘George?’ Cliff asked. ‘Your mate in Vietnam?’

‘Yes.’

Five minutes later, Sam and Cliff were running into the hotel where George was waiting with his two groomsmen, Red Fleming and Zel Flanagan.

‘Hey! Woody!’ Red called. ‘I didn’t know you were in town.’

Cliff made the rounds. Meanwhile, Sam was trying to put George at ease. He was pale and sweating with nervousness.

‘Gee, Sam, I was hoping you wouldn’t arrive so that the wedding could be called off. Couldn’t you have had a little acc-i-dent?’

The two friends gripped each other tightly. When Cliff came up to shake George’s hand, George couldn’t let go.

‘This is worse than Vietnam, mate,’ George moaned. ‘The whole thing’s turned into a circus. Do you know how many guests at last count? Over eight hundred. At least in Vietnam the only thing I had to worry about was a battalion of Vietcong. Here, it’s the whole of the East Coast and Sam’s father!’ He turned to Sam. ‘Can you remember when you, Turei and I were being farewelled from Poho o Rawiri and how we wanted to get the hell out of there and leave you and your Dad to it?’

‘The man needs another beer,’ Zel Flanagan said.

‘No,’ Sam said, ‘we want him to walk to his wedding, not to be carried to it.’

‘What about you, Woody!’ George said. ‘Maybe you could rescue me! Is your chopper handy? Feel like doing a medevac?’

‘Listen, George,’ Sam said, taking him to one side. ‘There’s still time to get out of this. If you’re really serious we can still get a message to Emma. Call the whole thing off —’

‘No, I have to go through with it. First of all, your father would hound me forever if I didn’t. More important, I owe it to Turei.’

‘Owe him? By marrying his sister?’

‘He was my mate, Sam. The owl was supposed to come for me. Emma is a fine woman. That kid of hers could be mine. She says it is.’

‘But do you love her?’

George shrugged his shoulders.

‘Does everything have to be done for love?’

‘Okay, two up .’

Sam gave a patrol movement order and the boys, all except George, laughed. They pushed George down to the car and were soon on their way to the church. As they sped along the highway a shadow settled.

‘What’s that?’ George asked.

It was General Collinson flying in from Wellington in an Army helicopter.

‘Oh no,’ George agonised. ‘This was supposed to be a small wedding.’

The helicopter clattered across Tolaga Bay, making it a war zone, and little boys came out of their houses, pretending to fire at it with water pistols and ray guns.

‘Here we are,’ Sam said at last. Ahead, he saw the General and his entourage shaking the vicar’s hand. A guard of honour, made up of returned veterans including Jock Johanssen and Mandy Manderson, saluted the General as he went into the church.

A huge crowd had gathered. Arapeta had made sure of that. The guest list read like a Who’s Who of the East Coast district, and especially of the East Coast military families. Still, despite the high tone of the occasion, there were still some cheeky buggers around. As George stepped out of the car one of them called out:

‘Still time to cut and run, George!’

George shrugged his shoulders helplessly as he took in the crowd.

‘Trust your father to want to make a circus of all this,’ he said, turning to Sam. ‘Why couldn’t he wait until you got married? Why did he have to pick on me?’

‘You know what Dad’s like. He told you it was going to be the wedding of the year and he meant it.’

The guard of honour snapped George a salute. George paused as he went past Mandy Manderson:

‘I’d much rather be on platoon, mate. It’s good to see you and Jock.’

The vicar, looking harassed, greeted him at the doorway.

‘I suggest we go straight in. The bride is due any moment.’

Sam, Cliff, George and the groomsmen walked into the church. Sam saw Florence, Patty and Monty sitting in the pews on the bride’s side, and he took Cliff across to them before rejoining the boys at the altar. George looked as if he was having a heart attack.