Gore Vidal - Messiah

I had gone as far as I could. I glanced at Iris while I spoke; she had grown white and old-looking and, while I watched her, I realized whom it was she resembled, the obscure nagging memory which had disturbed me all through dinner: she was like my mother, a woman long dead, one whose gentle blurred features had been strikingly similar to that frightened face which now stared at me as though I were a murderer.

Paul was the one who answered me. "You're out of your mind, Gene," he said, when my meaning had at least penetrated to them all. "It doesn't follow in the least that Cave must die because others want to. The main work is still ahead of him. This country is only a corner of the world. There's some of Europe and most of Asia and Africa still ahead of us. How can you even suggest he quit now and die?"

"The work will be done whether he lives or not, as you certainly know. He's given it the first impetus. The rest is up to the others, to the ambitious, the inspired… we've met enough of them these last few years: they're quite capable of finishing the work without us."

"But it's nothing without Cave."

I shrugged. I was suddenly relieved as the restraint of three furious years went in a rush. "I am as devoted to Cave as anyone," I said (and I was, I think, honest). "I don't want him to die but all of you in your madness have made it impossible for him to live. He's gone now to the limit, to the last boundary: he is the son of death and each of you supports him. I don't, for it was only my wish to make life better, not death desirable. I never really believed it would come to this: that you, Cave, would speak out for death, against life." I raised my eyes to his. To my astonishment he had lowered his lids as though to hide from me, to shut me out. His head was shaking oddly from left to right and his lips were pressed tight together.

I struck again, without mercy. "But don't stop now. You've got your wish. By all means, build palaces if you like for those who choose to die in your name. But remember that you will be their victim, too. The victim of their passionate trust. They will force you to lead the way and you must be death's lover, Cave."

He opened his eyes and I was shocked to see them full of tears. "I'm not afraid," he said.

A few days after our disastrous dinner, Clarissa came to me in my office. It was our first real meeting since her return from Europe. It was also my first meeting with any one of the directors for, since the scene on the penthouse terrace, none had come near me, not even Paul whom I usually saw at least once a day.

Clarissa seemed tired but fashionable in summer lace. She sat down heavily in the chair beside my desk and looked at me oddly. "Recriminations?" I asked cheerfully: the recent outburst had restored me to perfect health and equanimity. I was prepared for anything, especially battle.

"You're an absolute fool and you know it," she said at last. "I suppose there are wires in here, recording everything we say."

"I shouldn't be surprised. Fortunately, I have no secrets."

"There's no doubt of that," she glared at me. "There was no need to rush things."

"You mean you anticipated this?"

"What else? Where else could it lead? The same thing happened to Christ, you know. They kept pushing him to claim the kingdom. Finally, they pushed too hard and he was killed. It was the killing which perpetuated the legend."

"And a number of other things."

"In any case, it's all gone too far. Also, I don't think you even begin to see what you've done."

"Done? I've merely brought the whole thing into the open… as well as put myself on record as being opposed to this… this passion for death."

"That of course is nonsense. Just because a few nitwits…"

"A few? Have you seen the statistics? Every month there are a few hundred more and as soon as Stokharin gets his damned roadhouses for would-be suicides going we may find that…"

"I always assumed Paul made up the statistics. But even if they are true, even if a few hundred thousand people decide to slip away every year, I am in favor of it. There are too many people as it is and most of them aren't worth the room they take up. I suspect all this is just one of nature's little devices to reduce the population… like pederasty on those Greek islands."

"You're outrageous."

"I'm perfectly rational which is more than I can say for you. Anyway, the reason I've come to see you today is, first, to warn you and, second, to say good-by."

"Good-by? You're not…"

"Going to kill myself?" she laughed. "Not in a hundred years… though I must say lately I've begun to feel old. No, I'm going away. I've told Paul that I've had my fun, that you're all on your own and that I want no part of what's to come."

"Where will you go?"

"Who knows? Now for the warning: Paul of course is furious at you and so is Iris."

"Perfectly understandable. What did he say?"

"Nothing good. I talked to him this morning. I won't enrage you by repeating all the expletives; it's enough to say he's eager to get you out of the way. He feels you've been a malcontent all along."

"He'll have trouble getting me to take Stokharin's magic pill."

"He may not leave it up to you," said Clarissa significantly, and, inadvertently, I shuddered. I had of course wondered if they would dare go so far. I had doubted it but the matter-of-fact Clarissa enlightened me. "Watch out for him, especially if he becomes friendly. You must remember that with the country Cavite and with Paul in charge of the organization you haven't much chance."

"I'll take what I have."

Clarissa looked at me without, I could see, much hope; it was disagreeable. "What you don't know, and this is my last good deed for in a sense I'm responsible for getting you into this, is that you accidentally gave the game away."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that Paul has been planning for over a year to do away with Cave. He feels that Cave's usefulness is over; he's also uneasy about letting him loose in the world. Paul wants full control of the establishment and he can't have it while Cave lives. Paul also realizes… he's much cleverer than you've ever thought, by the way… that the Cavites need a symbol, some great sacrifice and obviously Cave's suicide is the answer. It is Paul's intention either to get Cave to kill himself or else to do it for him and then announce that Cave, of his own free will, chose to die."

I had the brief sensation of a man drowning. "How do you know all this?"

"I have two eyes; also, Iris told me."

"She knows too?"

"Of course she knows! Why else do you think she's so anxious to get Cave away from this place? She knows Paul can have him killed at any time and no one would be the wiser."

I grunted with amazement: I understood now what it was that had happened on the terrace. I felt a perfect fool. Of them all I alone had been unaware of what was going on beneath the surface and, in my folly, I had detonated the situation without knowing it. " He knows too?" I asked weakly.

"Of course he does; he's on his guard every minute against Paul."

"Why has no one ever told me this?"

Clarissa shrugged. "They had no idea which side you'd take. They still don't know. Paul believes that you are with him and though he curses you for an impetuous fool, he's decided that perhaps it's a good idea now to bring all this into the open, at least among ourselves. He hopes for a majority vote in the directors' meeting to force Cave to kill himself."

"And Cave?"

"Has no wish to die… sensible man."

"I am a fool."

"What I've always told you, dear." Clarissa smiled at me. "I will say, though, that you are the only one of the lot who has acted for an impersonal reason, and certainly none of them understands you except me. I am on your side, in a way. Voluntary deaths don't alarm me the way they do you but this obsession which Cave has of death being preferable to life may have ghastly consequences."