James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

So if he jumped me, the best place was walking down to the railway station. But I could climb the wall and get through a close. So what if they caught me, if it was Webster, I would boot him or stick the knee in, that would be him. Except if he had handers, McEwan or Sabby, they would batter me. Maybe if I carried a blade and took it out. Alright then come on, come on. Ye want it, come on. Ye would just be careful no to stick it in the heart or else the eye or the neck. If they thought I was soft and they were going to get me, they would never get me. I did not need a knife for them, just if it was McEwan or Sabby.

I walked down a river-street and jumped a ferry. All the noise from the yards, sawing and screeching sounds, drills and big hammers falling, hooters going off. Only me and two old men were aboard. I stood up with the skipper looking way over to the pier, going on the wide curve out, it just looked wee. How come he never missed? Who would ye save if it sank, a wee wean or an old woman?

Imagine the skipper sailed it right down the river. One done that, he just got fed up. My Uncle Billy telled us. A real sailor from the islands, he sailed the ferry down the river and away out to sea, all the people shouting at him, a big teuchter, he didnay care, he was just wanting to sail the boat and just go away because it was all just horrible, everything.

My da laughed to hear it and so did me and Matt, seeing the ferry away out to sea and people all shouting at him. Except if the waves were too high, if it was rough seas and all crashing over, people would be scared, so nay wonder.

My grannie's street was quite a long walk. Auntie May was there. I went into the front room where grannie kept the writing paper and I done a forgery note to the Registration teacher from my maw just how I had the dentist.

My grannie made me toast and cheese. I did not stay long. If she forgot to give me my subway fare I had to take the ferry and it took longer. If she forgot I did not ask. I did not like asking with Auntie May there, if she thought I was trying to get my grannie's money. Sometimes she looked at me and I did not like it and just a funny feeling. I did not do anything wrong but it was as if I did. Then if she said about school, Oh how is yer studies? and ye were telling her, ye saw her eyes, no even looking at ye, no even listening.

I could have said about the belt and showed her my wrists. No my grannie, I would never have showed them to my grannie. But I would have showed them to my Auntie May. She would have seen them, then what would she have thought? But maybe she would not have bothered. When I done my granda's wave to grannie she just looked at me.

My grannie said, Oh but May he has got him to a tee.

But Auntie May did not like me doing it. How no, if he was yer granda? Auntie May acted like he was only her dad, it did not matter if he was yer grandfather. My granda used to wear a bunnet and now she kept it in her wardrobe. I was glad when she was not there. My grannie said, Oh son she is just unhappy.

***

Up at the second last close on the delivery run an old man and woman came to stay on the ground floor. She had bad legs and could not climb the stairs. They flitted in from another scheme. They had an alsatian sentry dog and it guarded the front close. It was a real killer dog and everybody was feared. Mitch would no go near that close. He just would not. The dog sat by the steps and stared at ye or else laid down at the side garden. Ye thought it was sleeping then the nearer ye got ye saw these wee eye slits and it growled from the back of its throat, quite quiet, but rough too. If it had something stuck there, maybe, licking its coat. Granda's cats used to do that and had to cough, so then out it came, big lumps of stuff, all hairs and oose, out from the cats' throats. See if there is any money in there! That was what Uncle Billy said.

The alsatian sentry dog's fur was scabby. Maybe the old man and woman did not care for it good. It went for the paperboy and nearly tore a chunk out his arm. Lucky for him he was wearing a new leather jerkin. The old man blamed him because of that. Oh yer jerkin is too glossy. If a dog sees a glossy thing it goes for it, it is like a rabbit running.

But rabbits are not glossy, and the leather jerkin was not either, it was just new. The paperboy had saved up for it. It was good style. Ye saw it and wished ye had it. That was only the third time he wore it out the house.

Oh but how come he was wearing a new leather jerkin if he was doing a paper run? The old man wanted to know that. But it was a Friday night. Ye wore yer school clothes through the week but no a Friday, no for collecting. That was when ye went to people's doors for the money, and ye got yer tips. Ye would not wear school clothes for that, just yer good ones. Lasses were there too, if they came to the door, they saw ye. Carolyn Smart. Her maw was Mitch's customer but I changed her to mine. Because if he did not come I had to do it. So then I just done it. Mitch got the close after to do. He did not mind. Carolyn Smart was a complete darling. She was just a complete darling, really, she was, so ye wore yer good stuff. I went home between the deliveries and the collecting. I took off my school stuff, put on my jeans and my jerkin. Mine was no leather, it was just ordinary.

Sometimes Mitch came home with me instead of his own house. My maw split my tea with the two of us and made toast and cheese to go with it. My da was usually at the pub on Friday nights after his work, it was a new job he had.

The paperboy had good style. Mitch thought it too. That leather jacket was a beauty. How come the old man did not pay for it if it was his dog done the damage? I said that to my maw. The old man should have paid for it, it was no fair.

Oh but if the paperboy was running, she said.

Well but if ye are late mum, if ye are running, the dog should not attack ye.

Dogs do not know any better.

Yes but it is the man's dog.

I do not know why his mother is buying him leather jackets anyway, she said.

Oh but it is a leather jerkin.

It is the same thing.

It is not the same thing. He bought it himself out his own money.

She did not speak after that because she did not like leather jerkins. And she did not like ordinary jerkins. And jeans too, she hated jeans. Oh they are just for keelies. It was my grannie bought me the jeans and jerkin. The jerkin was too wee and should have been a size bigger, and the jeans had too wide legs, people had tight ones, that was what I wanted. My maw did not like my grannie buying me stuff. My grannie said, He is just a boy, it does not matter.

Oh but mum it does matter.

Boys at that school had good clothes but they were no good style. I would not have wore them, they were just like for the Church and Sunday School, just posh boys and snobs, sports jackets and flannels, I hated them. That was what my maw wanted. But if I had my own money and just bought my own stuff. If it was my own money.

I still got Matt's old clothes. I did not want them, except maybe a jersey. But socks, vests and pants were the same ones, my maw kept them all in the same drawer. Ye had to look for wee ones. She bought them big so he could wear them. But it should have been him and my da because they were nearer the same, no me. I had to look for wee ones and they were just old and shrunk. At gym and the swimming ye had to change fast so people did not see. The socks were too big because with his feet. The heel bit came out the back of yer shoes.

On Fridays after tea I was fast out the house to collect the delivery money Mitch was slow. If he was coming from his own house I did not wait for him. I was going up the hill when I heard him whistling. I looked back to see him and he was crossing the burn. Smidddeh-hhhh, Smidddehhhhh. Ye heard it echoing across. I waved but I did not stop. It was a long long walk to that scheme. He had to run to catch up with me. Oh Smiddy how did ye no wait?