James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

But I was going to get soaked too. I did not have a coat, just a jacket. I hated coats. Only they were good for their pockets. If I got soaked I would have to go home from school and change. That made ye late for work. But if I dogged the last two periods.

Maybe I would. Or else right now, if I just went home right now, and dogged the rest of the afternoon. Except the Registration teacher was giving me looks with my forgery notes. When it got bad with people the teachers wrote letters to yer maw and da. If mine did it I would just get his letter off the postman, or else what, I did not care. Or if the rain went off, maybe I would stay in school, or go to my grannie.

I was just thinking about it and something at my back just at my bum, it was like something, I did not know what, but just — and McEwan behind me. So it was him. It was him doing it. I sat forward.

So it was him and he was doing it to me. So that was that and it was McEwan. It was just McEwan. But it was no sore, just tickly. But he still done it and I could not go more forward.

I kidded on I did not feel it. I heard him whispering, Oh I f*****g telled ye, he loves it.

Oh I f*****g telled ye, he loves it, scraping my bum with something, a ruler or pencil, that was McEwan and I went total red because I knew it, that was it and what he was doing to me and I had to look round. I had to. And Sabby and Webster and them looking at me. McEwan kidded on he was not doing nothing. But he started doing it again. I turned round to him. Oh, I said, going to chuck it.

I just said it quiet then sat to the front and was waiting for something, whatever, to happen, then the scraping thing again, but only a wee minute then it stopped.

I counted. I was going to count to twenty but after twelve I lifted my school bag and got up and left the cafe. So that was me, so I was not one of McEwan's pals. Well I did not want to be. I did not want to be anybody's pals, no ever. Just going myself, that was what I wanted. Other ones did not care about McEwan. Posh ones. Big Borland and them did not care about McEwan, they did not go where he went. I would be the same.

Boys got called poofs and bumboys. That was the worst. I always thought if Carslake told people. Maybe he did. But I do not think so because they would shout at him too. Bumboys. And that was McEwan doing it to mine. Ye got called that. So if they were going to do it to me, if they just tried it. What if they did? McEwan and them were down the lane having a smoke. I was too and did not see them till I was there. McEwan did not look at me but Sabby said, Alright Smith?

I just walked past and nothing happened. I did not act tough to them but I did not speak because I did not want to and just could not, if they were going to get me, five of them, that was just cowards, I did not care about them, I was just waiting. Other times they waited there for lasses. McEwan went with one and another went with another. The rest stood a bit away and watched if they were kissing. One time I saw McEwan and Sabby down the railway lane and they were standing with the gang that went there. I was going to pass them that time but I did not, I just went round the long way and they never saw me.

Really it was Webster, he was the one in my class, how he acted it, just stupid stuff, flicking the school bag off yer shoulder and slapping ye on the back then dodging roundabout, clicking yer heels when ye were walking. People kidded on it was a laugh. It was not. He did not do it to Brogan and Hannah or Donald Shields. Even ones like Carslake. How come he left them alone? In Algebra class he started doing it to me, just tapping me on the shoulder. I kidded on it was nothing, just a laugh, but he kept doing it and it was on the same spot and getting sore so I was just moving a wee bit, then he said, Please sir he is hitting me.

He done it in a low voice but as if he was mimicking me and I was going to shop him to the teacher. It was just stupid. Then he was tapping me on the shoulder again so I turned round and said, Stop that.

He mimicked me. Stop that.

He stopped it for a wee while then done a couple of more taps. They were not that sore but just how they annoyed me. I turned round to him, Fucking chuck it.

I shouted it loud and everybody heard. I did not care. It was the Algebra teacher, Mad Marty. I did not care who it was, Mad Marty, so what. His eyes went wide. It was complete silence till he said, What was that! Come out here. Did I hear you right. What did you say? What did you say boy? Speak up. You shall go straight to the Headmaster's Office.

He was opening the desk and bringing out the belt. So it was not the Headmaster, just him strapping ye. He gave me four with crossed hands. If ever ye split yer hands with him so much the worse. Two of them were sore ones that went up yer wrist and came out red with white blotches. And ye just had to stand there when he was putting the belt away, yer hands hanging down and a nothing feeling, then all pins and needles.

Please sir can I leave the room? Please sir may I leave the room?

He nodded his head.

Ye had to leave the room. Martin belted ye hard and ye could not help it, just water out yer eyes. Ye did not want people to see so ye asked him, and ye had to say it like that. Please sir may I leave the room. If ye said can I leave the room, he did not speak till ye said it right. Sometimes he said, Can I canoe you up the river.

He let ye go to the lawy if ye got belted, ye did not want to blink because then the water would come. Maybe ye were not greeting but it looked like ye were and then sitting down in front of them all. And yer hands, what ye do with them, if ye leave them on the desk or under the table and ye cannot blow on them just having to sit there then what, just waiting there till the bell goes for the end of the period and yer head is not thinking about nothing except just how yer hands are and how the stinging is going, if ye know what stage it is, is it near the end or maybe another bit to go, white or red. So if ye go to the toilet, getting the cold water for yer hands and yer wrists, yer face too so ye were not greeting, ye were not greeting, it was just water how it came out yer eyes, I hated that it was just so fucking horrible ye just could not, no if ye could manage no to so ye tried to leave the room ye just ran water over them out the tap. They went tingling and ye looked at them and they were curled up and just shaking a wee bit and then up yer wrist the white was away and it was coming up red and ye saw yer veins. What if they burst? All yer veins were there and that was where he belted ye. He did not try to hit ye there but he did.

People were looking at me after the class. I did not care and was happy what had happened. It was no my school and I was getting to fuck away out it. Webster came up to talk to me after the class. I knew he would. I just did. I knew he would just want to and I was nearly laughing.

Oh what did ye shout for? Ye should not have shouted, he said, that was how ye got belted. What did ye shout for? Ye should not have shouted.

Aye but I did.

Well ye should not have.

Aye but I fucking did.

Webster was looking at me and I was looking at him back. Ha ha, that was what I thought, if he wanted to fight me, well I would fucking have him, that was what I thought, I could just fucking beat him. Other people were looking too. Oh is Smith going to fight him. Maybe I would maybe I wouldnay. I did not care about Webster and all them, McEwan or else the posh ones, I just wanted away and just away from them all, all them, I did not care about any of them. I saw the street down the hill and that was me, I imagined walking down it.

Webster was no a real fighter. I would batter him. Maybe if he jumped me he would get me but he would not.

I was glad I took the belt. People all would know. Oh Smith did not care, he just swore in the classroom. Mad Marty gave him four and he just took it. And that was Webster, it was his fault.