James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

He never talked to people except, You go there and You go there, and everybody done what he wanted. It was just because of football, ye knew he was a very good player. People liked the old PE teacher as well but he was no a real football player, he just hit the ball the same way and did not hit it with all the different bits and that was Mr Ramsay, he could just hit it any way, just how he wanted.

***

Milkboys were loaded. It was the tips that done it. Ye did not worry about the wages. And ye got stuff too. If ye wanted milk ye just drank it and said it was a leaky bottle. Then if a woman came out the house to see if there was any spare milk you just selled her a bottle and did not tell the milkman, ye kept the money to yerself. Gary's big brother had the best clothes and the best style and haircuts. If ye had clothes like that ye would feel good. A milkboy was the best job. Out them all. Ye started dead early and then were finished for the day Ye were out the house at five in the morning and back in the house for eight then yer breakfast, a sausage piece or else fried egg. Then Friday night ye collected yer money and made yer tips.

When Gary's brother left school he got his milkboy job. I went with him to see if I could get one too. The man was there that drove the milklorry. I waited for Gary to say about me. But he did not, he just jumped up and climbed in the cabin. The door was open and I was looking at him but he did not say nothing, he just was laughing, no at me but just because of the lorry, that was him and he was up sitting in it, he was just laughing, he forgot me. I had never been on a lorry and not much in a motor car except my granda's funeral. Oh Gary! I shouted up at him.

He waved out the window to me. I ran round the front of the lorry and shouted to the man, Oh mister! Mr!

Aye what is it son?

Any chance of a job?

Naw, sorry.

So that was me. He just drove away. I saw Gary the next time and he said, Tough luck, maybe ye will get one later.

He had fags and we smoked one. But I knew I would not get a job later. I would never get one. That was just me, if it was Fate, I did not f*****g care. I said it to Gary and he laughed but really it was no funny, it was all just hopeless, if ye thought about Gary and his brother and me and mine, and then if it was jobs or what ye had, what things happened to ye. People were lucky in their life with Fate but I was not. People got stuff. I never. Gary said, Oh if a job comes I will tell ye.

But I knew he would not, it was Podgie he would tell. I did not care. I did not care about Gary and them and just whatever, they could just do it, I did not care. Except if I had got the job. Imagine I did. If I did. I would just be f*****g shouting, shouting and laughing. If anybody saw me they would be looking. Oh what is up with Smiddy?

But I did not get a job. I would never. It would just be other ones. Then Mitch telled me about one he was getting. Mitch. He was even to get one. His big sister's boyfriend knew a man that drove a van to do with deliveries. He was talking for Mitch. Oh it is my big sister's boyfriend, he is talking for me.

He is talking for me. People said that for a job. So if ye were fifteen and could leave school, people talked for ye and ye got a job, or if it was yer apprenticeship, ye got yer apprenticeship, people talked for ye. My da said that too, Ye need somebody to talk for ye.

Nobody talked for him. He did not get a job. Then if he did it was no a good one. Oh I will join the Masons, that was what my da said. I telled my grannie and she said, Oh they will no let him in but they will let in you.

Because my granda was one. They would not let my da in the Masons but for me and Matt we could get in because we were blood. And then we would get a job easy. But only when we were twenty-one. It did not matter for milkboy jobs.

Just if somebody talked for ye. But they did not talk for me, just other ones. So there was Gary and now Mitch. People got stuff but I did not, I did not get stuff. Other people did. I did not. And if they got it they did not want it. That was even my brother. He got a job and then just chucked it after one week. People that wanted jobs did not get them, just them that did not.

Then it was Mitch! He was saying it too. Just how he did not fancy it. How come? What was he saying? He did not fancy the job. He might not even take it, if he got it, if the people gave him the job, he might no even take it. Oh but I might no take it. That was what he said. No take the delivery job. He was meaning that. He could get a job and was not going to take it.

Oh but Mitch, I said, it would be great.

Aye but.

Oh see if it was me!

Aye but I do not fancy it.

Oh f**k I would do it.

Aye but Smiddy ye have to go all the time. If ye do not they f*****g sack ye.

Do ye work Saturdays?

I do not know.

Oh Mitch take it.

Maybe.

Oh f**k it would be great. Getting yer own wages, it would just be yer own money. Oh ye have to do it.

Oh but Smiddy.

Oh no ye have to. Ye just have to. I would f*****g do it with ye.

Would ye?

Aye.

Well maybe I will.

Oh Mitch for f**k sake take it.

Well if you do it with me.

Oh of course, just of course, of course. Oh for f**k sake Mitch if it is a job! Oh f**k sake.

Mitch was laughing. You are f*****g mental ya c**t.

F**k sake Mitch.

I just ran hame after that but who to tell, nobody Nobody.

When ye walked to the subway from my grannie's street there was good shops for clothes and I was seeing them for if I got a job, just if I did and could save money. I would be able to. Then I could just buy my stuff. Great shirts, jeans, jerkins and trousers, casual shirts too and smart jackets, and denhim jackets. Just the best denhim jackets and that was what I wanted, one with big inside pockets and they would be great for keeping stuff and how they just looked good, I just liked them. My maw did not. She said I was not to get them. But if it was my money? I would just get them. I said it but she just got angry.

Matt laughed, Ye should not blab. You always blab.

I was just saying to her.

Yes but ye should not. Once ye get a job ye just go and do it, do not tell people. You tell people everything.

I do not.

Yes ye do. Just go and buy it.

But I cannot because I have no got any money.

Well what are ye talking about?

Just when I get a job.

Oh, okay.

It is a denhim jacket, a beauty.

A denhim jacket. Matt laughed. If ye wore that to school they would send ye home.

Oh well good.

Yes ye say that now.

I will say that all the time.

Okay.

I will say it all the time.

Good.

Imagine no letting ye wear a denhim jacket to school. That is just stupid.

Yes.

So if they send ye home for wearing one. I think I would wear it. Then if they sent me home, that would be good, I would be glad. So if ye got out of school, who wants to go there anyway. I would just wear it.

Matt shifted round on his seat at the desk so he would not see me. I was in bed and it was time for the light out but he was wanting to read more. I did not mind. But if I read a book I fell asleep. It was because it was schoolbooks. If I could just read an ordinary book. But if I did I still fell asleep. I was too tired. If I wanted to read a book I done it in the kitchenette so I stayed awake. Sometimes I read it in the living room but if the television was on my da did not like me doing it. He gave grumpy looks. How come, if I was just reading a book. What was wrong with that, if the telly was on. I did not tell him to turn it down. I did not care. I just read the book. My head went in it and I did not hear the telly. I did not care about it.

Matt thought the same as me, he never read in the living room. It was just dad, how he took things like that, as if ye were making him feel bad. I was not. I did not care if he watched the telly, I just wanted to read my book. The telly was boring, I did not care about it. In books ye got anything ye liked. But it was his telly, his and my maw's. She backed him up. Then he backed up her.