James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

And it was off our wages. But even when he done it there was still no enough money. So he took what we owed him from next week too. So we would not get any wages for next week, except just tips. I was angry and so was Mitch. Mitch was going to get him. He was going to hide behind the trees and fling a brick at him. It was just daft and I telled him no to. He will know it is us, I said.

Well I will f*****g puncture his tyres.

Oh but he will just f*****g sack us and get the cops.

There was a cop station no faraway The boss knew them. Some Fridays ye went into his office and cops were there having a smoke or else drinking a cup of tea. A lot of boys did not go in when they were there. Mitch was one.

But it was not just his fault with the money. People tried to cheat ye. It happened to milkboys and paperboys too. People kidded on they paid ye and they did not. Because they were grown-ups, so they could get away with it. Ye knew it was lies and had to say it to them. Oh missis sorry but ye did not pay because I wrote it in the book and the boss has it as well.

I telled Mitch. Ye just had to say stuff. He did not like to. He got a red face and then telled me. Oh she would not pay me Smiddy, I am going to f*****g break her windows.

We have to get her money but.

She would not f*****g give me it.

Well but we have got to get it.

But Smiddy she would not f*****g give me it.

Well I am going to ask for it.

Oh but she will no give ye it.

But it is our money so she f*****g better, I said because I just got angry too because if it was our money and she was just stealing, that was what I thought. So I just went up and chapped her door and said it to her. Oh missis you did not pay for yer deliveries because the boss told us and wrote down yer name.

I did so pay.

No ye did not.

Oh but I did.

No missis you did not. I said it to the boss tonight when he was talking to the cops and I just told him when all the names were there. Look, see, and your name is down, it was me that wrote it, look.

And then I showed her where her name was written down and how much it was. The woman just got grumpy but she paid it because she knew she had to because if it was the cops and she was just lying. Ye just knew she was lying.

Mitch did not like me telling him stuff. But if it was our money. If ye worked all week and ye did not get anything, no even yer tips, just nothing. Well it is no my fault, he said.

Well it is no mine either. Ye just have to watch it Mitch, if they are f*****g lying. Ye just tell them. We have just got to else we do not get our wages.

Oh f**k, I would just f*****g batter them.

Aye but no if it is a woman.

Well but if she is f*****g cheating us.

Aye but Mitch if it is a woman.

He did not like me saying it but I had to and the same a lot of Fridays because when the money did not add up and if it was him to blame, it was the ones he collected.

But if it was just me I liked Friday night. I liked collecting. Ye got yer tips when ye done it right and all people came to the door, lasses too, and ye were just there and saw them all.

But other days Mitch still came late. I took his sacks to school with me so I could get it ready for when he came. Then I started doing it myself, because even five minutes and I could do two closes. Easy. One night I was away doing the fifth when he came and he had to catch up. Oh f**k Smiddy, you should wait.

But I was just sitting.

Aye but it is no fair if you are doing it all.

Oh but I do not f*****g mind.

Aye but f**k sake Smiddy it is my job and if you are f*****g doing it.

Well but if I am sitting doing nothing.

How can ye no wait? Just wait.

Aye but if I am no f*****g doing nothing.

Well can ye no do yer f*****g homework, if ye have got homework, that is what ye say, so just do it.

F**k sake Mitch.

Just till I come.

It is too f*****g cold sitting down.

Well that is no my fault.

Well it is no mine either.

He could have been there fast. If I could so could he. Even if he skipped out early. People asked the teacher, maybe if it was the dentist. Ye could just get a forgery note. I would write it for him. Even ten minutes early was great for me because a train came five minutes before the bell rang. I pelted down the road. Most times I caught it. Other ones done it. All fourth or fifth years. Lasses too. Twice I saw my brother. He did not see me.

The early train was great, just sitting at the window. People in my class were still at their desk and I was miles away. Imagine it was forever. Some trains went to the highlands. All mountains, fields and lochs and ye could get a boat maybe and go sailing, right out to sea, away way away. And that would be you. Boys got jobs as fishermen. Maybe I could. It was a hard life but ye made money and ye saved up. It was rough seas up north and that was where the fishermen went, away to Greenland and up the Baltic. So I was not going in the Navy, but I still liked sea stories.

When Freddy came I was waiting for him. I said, If I come earlier can ye bring the deliveries?

Oh aye, quarter past, I can do it for quarter past.

Oh that would be great.

Well ye better f*****g be there man cause I am not coming for f**k all.

I told Mitch so he could come early too but he did not. Then it was one day he did not come at all, and then the next night. The paperboy passed and we smoked a fag. He said, Oh well maybe he does not want the f*****g job.

I went the whole way. It was heavy with the four sacks but the weight went down every parcel ye delivered. That was two times. Really, it was no fair. He only had to tell me the day before. Then I would not be looking for him. I would have finished faster. After my tea I went up to his house. He said he had to stay home because his maw telled him. But I knew she did not tell him. It was just a f*****g fib. I could have said it to him. It was just stupid.

Then the delivery sheets. Mitch would not read them. How come? So then if he took wrong stuff to people and they were there complaining, Oh where is my parcel this is the wrong one.

I showed him how to mark in the delivery sheets and all the stuff but he did not see it right. Oh Smiddy, f**k sake, if you just tell me.

Oh but Mitch ye have got to do it yerself, look. And if ye showed him, he just did not look so if he was not concentrating. The teacher said it in Primary class how he would not concentrate. But it was true. Then dogs. How come he worried about dogs? Even the second close dog, old scabby chops. Who could be scared of old scabby chops except Mitch. All it done was lie in the weeds in the front garden. It was just an old old dog, nearly dead, just scabby-looking. Nobody could be feared of it. Ye just wondered because it would be dead soon, poor old thing, Oh my time has come. It just lied there and looked at its paws. Another dog was there and Mitch was feared of it too, a wee mongrel terrier. Other people did not like this one. It was a dog that jumped on ye. But what was it going to do? It could hardly even nip ye. I clapped it to show Mitch. That was all ye done. But he hated dogs and would never clap them. I used to put his hand to the dog to pet it but he still would not.

It did not matter about dogs if ye hated them or ye loved them. Freddy the driver said that. If ye got them ye got them. There is nothing except ye have to do it, if it is yer job. Ye have to go up the close. I said it to Mitch, What if a dog is in every house so then ye cannot f*****g do any f*****g deliveries?

No.

Aye but ye would need to if it was yer customers.

Well I would not.

So if ye could not do the job?

I would.

How?

I just f*****g would.

Aye but how, if ye cannay?

The mongrel terrier was the worst of all for Mitch. When it came running he forgot the names of people and all what he was doing. It was a worry. Then too how come he was so slow? He went up closes and did not come back. Where was he? So I done the next closes myself. He did not like me doing it. F**k sake Smiddy ye knew I was coming.