James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

The first day I got off the train from school and went straight from the railway station to meet the van. I had the delivery sacks inside my school bag. I had two and Mitch had two. But Mitch still had not come and the driver was waiting. He thought I was Mitch and was a wee bit angry Oh for f**k sake son, I cannot give ye nay f*****g parcels.

Oh but mister.

What is yer f****›g name?

Kieron Smith.

Kieron Smith. Are ye a Fenian b*****d?

No. I am Mitch's pal. We are doing the deliveries the gether.

Well I am f*****g sorry but I cannot give ye the f****rs. The boss goes off his head if ye do something like that. I was telled to give the stuff to a c**t called Mitchell. If you are not Mitchell ye do not f*****g get them.

Oh but that is Mitch, he is my pal. It will be fine, honest. He just went to get his sacks. I have got mines here.

I brought them out my school bag to show him.

Oh f**k. He took off his bunnet and scratched his head. His hair was all flattened down. He looked at his watch. F**k it, he said, and started giving me the parcels. I was putting them in my two sacks but then there was no much room left. Oh for f**k sake, he said, and was looking at his watch. Where is that wee c**t?

He is just coming. If ye give me them I can carry them in the close and just wait for him. He will be here in a minute.

I cannot f*****g do that, I telled ye.

How no?

How no! What if some c**t f*****g robs ye?

Oh but they will not.

How do you know?

Oh because they would not. I would not f*****g let them. Oh mister come on, I can just wait for him.

The driver closed his eyes. He did not want to do it. But if I brought all the deliveries in the first close then he could just drive away and no have to come back again. So that was good for him. So he waited a wee minute then just done it. I stuffed the two sacks full and carried them into the close and walked back for the next load, just to carry them and put them beside the sacks. He shouted at me. For f**k sake man hurry up. And never you leave yer f*****g sacks lying about, there is aye some c**t watching. And it is you pays the losses.

What?

It is you pays the f*****g losses.

Me?

You, aye, who the f**k else? What do ye think the f*****g boss will pay it for ye! It is you. You pay.

But if it is not my fault?

What ye f*****g talking about man if you leave them lying, and some c**t lifts them! Of course it is your f*****g fault.

Aye but if I do not know?

Well ye f*****g should know, it is your f*****g deliveries.

Aye but.

Nay aye buts just do not let them out yer sight.

I carried all the parcels into the close and he tooted his horn and drove away. His name was Freddy and he was the worst swearer ever. I could not have told my maw. She would just have I do not know what. She would not have liked it. But he did not mind if ye swore back and ye were just to call him his name, Freddy Some adults did not like ye calling their name and if ye swore, even if they swore at you. And it was the same with fags, he did not mind if ye were smoking but just asked ye for a fag. You are too young to smoke, give it to me. But he did not like giving you one. But ye felt good working with him. He just talked to ye that way, oh man, f**k sake man f*****g c**ts.

I sat down on the steps to read my school lessons for tomorrow. People were passing along the pavement, lasses too.

Teachers gave ye preparation to do. Ye were to look at pages for stuff and to memorize. It was freezing sitting there. I put the sacks beside me and they were warm.

A paperboy came fast in the close, taking papers out his bag while he went. He passed by folding a newspaper, shoved it through the first letterbox then ran up the stair two at a time. Then was jumping back down and out the close, walking fast to the next one. That was good about newspapers, just folding them up and shoving them through the letterbox. Most parcels were too thick to go through, ye had to chap the door and give it to the person.

I hated sitting there. Mitch was just too late. I could have been away doing the deliveries and getting finished. I brought out the delivery sheets and looked through them. I saw the names and the close numbers and how it all worked, who was to get parcels on such and such a night and then how the parcels checked against their numbers on the sheet. I checked the parcels for the first close. I could just do them. I could just run up fast.

So I did. I ran up and gave them in, and ran back down. Nobody knocked nothing. I would have heard them come in the close. Except if they crept in quiet, if it was a real sneaky robber, then went out the back close.

I looked at my school exercises again but it was freezing sitting on the stairs and my feet and my bum got pins and needles.

Mitch took ages. When he came I had the stuff ready to go into his sacks. I telled him all how we done it with the delivery sheets. He had a fag and sat down for a smoke. Oh come on, I said, smoke it when we go.

F**k sake Smiddy I have been walking for f*****g miles, I need a wee seat.

Well I can just start. You can catch up.

F**k sake.

Well I have been f*****g waiting.

Well I have been f*****g walking.

Me and Mitch did not fight much but now we were. It was no fighting but just an argument, a wee one, but the two of us were looking. It was funny The school I went to was miles and miles away in the town. Ye needed a train there and back. The one Mitch went to was just a walk. But I was quicker. But his was a long long walk. Him and the boys done it the gether, so it took ages. If he went himself it would be better. I said it to him. Do not wait for Podgie and them, just go quick yerself.

But Mitch did not say he would. He just smoked his fag, passed me it for a limit. I took one draw and passed it back. I went and looked out the back then out the front, just looking. What time was it? When did we finish, when did we get our tea and if we had homework. I did not like waiting it was just f*****g horrible. And how come Mitch did not bother, he did not bother. I hated waiting.

Usually ye done a delivery run yerself or got a wee boy to help ye. But no two the same age like me and Mitch because it was no big money and ye had to split it. Then the tips. Some customers were good tippers and other ones were no. Some did not tip at all. Ye went all week with their stuff and they did not tip ye. Mitch said, F**k them, I am not giving them their stuff.

But that was daft, ye had to give them their stuff. That was just Mitch. I said to Freddy the driver about the tips. He told us some customers did not tip ye every week but just saved it up and gave ye a big one for yer Christmas and Ne'erday.

Friday was the collecting night. Friday was when people got paid. It was the best night for getting the money. But then we done it and were short of money. How come? I did not know. Neither did Mitch. Maybe people had not paid him. I said it to him, Did people no pay ye?

Oh aye, that c**t up the last close. I have to come back and get it.

Well what is their name?

Oh it is up number fourteen, I know them.

But he did not. He forgot who it was and then other ones too. Or if they gave him the wrong money. We counted it all up and it was wrong, it was all just wrong. We walked away down to the office and the boss counted it all again and done sums on the paper. Oh there are big losses, he said. Have ye no got anything more?

No.

Oh ye must have something.

We have no got nothing.

But what is that in yer pockets?

That is my tips, I said.

Yer tips! The boss looked over at another man that worked there. He forgot about his tips. Get them out, he said, get them out.

So me and Mitch had to put everything all out and he counted it. Good tips, he said. But ye still owe me money. I will just have to deduct it.