James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

That was it with the clothes, because when I got a job. My maw went on and on about it. She did not like it because if I had money I could just do what I thought. So if it was to buy clothes, if it was my pay and my money, well I could just save up and spend it. I could buy what I wanted, if it was new jeans and a denhim jacket, so what. Oh it is just hooligan clothes, it is hooligans who dress like that. That was my maw.

But if it is my job and my money.

It does not matter.

If it is my money? Well if it is I can buy any stuff.

Kieron!

How no? If it is my money.

Do not be so daft, said my da.

But dad it is not daft. What if I am going to places like the pictures or else to a cafe? Even just walking about. I need my own clothes, outside clothes.

The police will lift ye if ye walk about looking like that, denhim jackets and jeans.

How come?

It is hooligan clothes.

How come?

Because ye are wearing them.

Aye but if I am no doing anything?

Ye know fine well what I mean.

Your dad is right. If you wear clothes like that then you are a boy from the streets, they are just street clothes.

Yes but mum if ye wear them on the street, so that is you on the street, so they are street clothes. What is wrong with that? They are not house clothes.

Do not be cheeky to yer mother.

I am no being cheeky.

Yes you are, said my maw.

No I am no.

No you are not.

No I am not.

Kieron do not be so cheeky.

I am no being cheeky.

You are not being cheeky.

I am not being cheeky.

Ye bloody well are, said my da. Ye are no too big for a skelp, just you remember that.

But I was too big for a skelp. My da would not have hit me. If he did I would just have done something, I would have done something, I do not know what. They could not do anything about my clothes, no if it was my money and I got it from my job, and I was going to.

Oh what about that nice boy? said my maw, I never hear you talking about him.

Who?

You heard, said my da.

That nice boy, said my maw.

I do not know who you mean?

He was in your Geography class.

Richard Carslake, said my da. My da always remembered his name. So did my maw, but she kidded on she did not. But it was Geometry and not Geography.

Are you still friends with him? said my maw.

No.

That is a shame.

Mum I was not friends with Motorpuddle, he is just a stupid boaster.

His name is Carslake and he is a nice boy.

Just because he is posh, that is how you like him. Ye have never met him.

Kieron do not be cheeky.

I am not being cheeky.

Yes you are.

I am not.

You are.

He just tells fibs all the time, just all stupid nonsense.

Oh do not talk like that, it is not nice.

Mum he is a snobby boaster and tells fibs. I am not pals with him. He is not pals with me and I am not pals with him.

Well who is yer pals? said my da.

Pardon?

You heard. Who is yer pals?

Well ye know them, I said, if it is my pals, Billy and Mitch and Peter and Gary, and Podgie.

My da looked at me then turned his head.

You know what your dad means, said my maw.

My pals?

If you have friends in school.

Oh.

But I knew that. My da was a snob too. He was holding up the paper, kidding on he was reading it. That was what he done. But he listened to everything. I did not say any names. They were not meaning my real pals, just ones from the good school. I went one time to Motorpuddle's house and they loved hearing about it. But it was just lies and stupid nonsense. It was to play football at a park near his house, a real football pitch. But there was not a game, he was just a snobby boaster and was lying. He stayed in a big house and his da did a good job. For my maw everything had to be posh. That was how she liked him and when I went up for him. Oh you will be a guest, you will need to act like one.

But mum it is just for a game of football.

Oh but if he takes ye into his house. You will have to behave properly. Do not say umnay didnay and willnay. Please do not. And say bathroom if it is the bathroom, do not say lavatory.

Ye might get yer tea, said my da. He was laughing. A big juicy steak with mushrooms and chips.

That was my da, all just food and dinners. It was stupid. Motorpuddle was a liar. Liar was a bad word in my house and ye could not say it. And if it was about him, oh they loved him. He stayed up an old building, one storey up with fancy walls and painted windows. It was the same as the one near the railway lane where they had grass out in the backcourt and wee flowers roundabout. Anybody could steal them. Grass was in the middle where the women hung out their clothes and inside the house it was all different and giant big ceilings. I had to take my shoes off and go into the lounge. It was him said it. Oh you will have to take off your shoes to go into the lounge.

My maw had to hear about it, lounge. His young sister was there and just lying on the carpet. His da was there too. His mother was out at the shops. Oh this is a friend from school.

His da shook hands with me. His young sister did not look up. I was to sit on the couch. Motorpuddle lied beside her. It was a children's picture on television about farm animals, they were owned by a farmer who did not like them and wanted to sell them to the butcher. Just a complete children's picture. There was a clock up on the mantelpiece. I was waiting for him to say about the football. It just went on and on. The end came and I got up to go to the toilet. He came to show me. I said, Are we going to play football?

No, there is not a game today.

How come?

Oh it is just cancelled.

There was not a game. It was all just stupid nonsense. He thought he was big because it was me, he thought he could do stuff and I would be too scared or what, just because he was posh and I was not, if I would not batter him, but I would have battered him, if he thought he could do things to me. I hated him and just showing off all the time. Other ones too. Then f*****g homework. I did not f*****g care about f*****g homework. They put their hand up to answer and said it if the teacher telled them. Oh please come out and demonstrate. It is triangles and two sides for the equation. They went out and done it because the teacher said it. Oh 6a equals x minus 1Z if it is multiplied by 2Z. The teacher gave them the chalk and they wrote it on the blackboard. Imagine doing that. Maybe Matt done it too, he was good at mathematics. I was glad, because I was not. So if he went to College, I was glad and if it was his desk, he could just take the desk, I did not want it, I was not going to College, I had my own pals.

***

I wanted my own delivery run. If the driver saw I was doing it good with Mitch, maybe he would give me one. I hoped that. He could do his and I could do mine so the two of us would have our money. It would be great, all just for yerself and what ye wanted to spend it on, ye could just spend it on anything. I needed the job. I needed it.

The deliveries went to people out in a new scheme. It was a big long walk over the field and up the hill and away round past the old Squatters' Camp, away way past. My da thought it was good but my maw did not, if it interfered with my lessons. But if it was two doing it we would just run round and get home fast and it would not interfere.

The man brought the deliveries to the corner of the first street. Ye filled yer bags and he gave ye the delivery sheets. Ye had yer own streets and yer own customers. Other boys had theirs. He gave ye the sacks to keep in the house. Ye were supposed to go home after school and get them to go back out again but I did not, I just took them to school and went straight to the job. Ye had to be there at twenty-five to five. He was waiting but only for five minutes. If ye did not come he went away and took stuff to other boys then came back at five to five. He waited five minutes again. If ye were no there that second time he did not come back till half past five. After that ye were finished and ye just had to go and see the boss.