James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

One game they did not even pick sides. One picked up the ball and shouted, Papes versus Proddies! He booted it high up in the air like a rugby kick. So that was the game started. Everybody all was laughing. That was Papes on one side, Proddies on the other. They all just played. Papes against Proddies and it was a laugh.

I did not see who won because me and the boys went to get a game of our own but that was what I was thinking because we did not have full sides, I could have went up and got Pat and Danny and then their pals that were Catholics, we could have had a big game too. Ours was just four against four.

After that we went back to see them playing cards. Then we were just talking about stuff. No me because I did not want to. They were saying about their school and stuff and what was happening. Boys came from all over the schemes to go and there was a lot of tough stuff. There was a fight and one had a blade in his pocket. A teacher took it off him and was lucky he did not get the blade stuck in him. Gary McNab's big brother was pals with that boy and he was just a mental case. He ran about with a gang that all had motorbikes and leather jackets. The boys were talking about it, ye could go a motorbike at sixteen. Gary's brother had turned fifteen and was leaving school soon then he would get a job and save up for one. He ran about with the same gang. That was how ye said it, if one went about with people. Oh he runs about with them.

Podgie said to me, Hey Smiddy, is there any gangs in your school?

Oh aye.

What like are they?

Well I do not f*****g know them.

Are they hard? said Mitch.

Aye. No that hard but.

Do they carry?

I think some of them.

Mitch meant about blades. Gangs carried blades. I did not see them. Mitch had one but no all the time.

There was tough ones in my year but no as tough as all that. Gary's brother would just laugh, him and his pals would kill them. But Podgie and the boys too, imagine them coming to school with me, just for one day, we could walk up the school gates, maybe round the cafe. It would be a laugh.

They did not get Latin. Peter and Billy got French. I would have been in their class. Latin was a dead language of the Roman Empire. Matt got it as well. My da said it was ridiculous if it was a dead language, and if it was the Holy Roman Empire, that was RCs. He just said it for a joke. Matt was no there when he did. My maw was pleased I got Latin. Ye got it at good schools but not at other ones.

I was going to say about the Belgium boy in my class but I did not. Imagine a Catholic in yer class. But I was wanting to say it. Matt had a darkie in his, she was a lassie. I saw her, her wee sister was in the year below.

They got other stuff at their school. Woodwork. I fancied Woodwork. Podgie and them got Metalwork. Lasses got Domestic. They were in the Junior Secondary and did not get a language. And they got Arithmetic. We did not, we got Geometry and Algebra and then Logarithms. Peter and Billy got that too but the other ones did not. Podgie said, Oh we are dumbies.

Gary McNab and the Primary 7S laughed. I did not. Podgie would see if I did. He said it for me. I just knew him. Mitch said, Oh Smiddy are you still joining the Navy?

Oh aye.

I was glad he said it because how they all were looking. Mitch was going in the Army when he was seventeen. For the Navy it was seventeen as well unless it was fifteen, ye joined as a Cadet. Then after two years ye signed on for seven, or else nine. Ye got good wages.

But that was the Royal. My da telled me it was best to think about it first. If it was the Merchant Navy ye could just do voyages. He done that, Brazil or Africa, then ye got the South China Seas. It was all pirates down there then if it was Borneo and all headhunters. But he liked it. He was going back in. He said he was but my maw did not want him to. But imagine he did and I was there and on the same boat as him. Ye were just stuck in the same place. What if it was the same cabin?

Me and Mitch talked about it. If I was in the Navy and he was in the Army and it was a War on, if my boat was taking the troops to the overseas, so all the troops came on board and Mitch was one. That would be a laugh. Oh but it would be f*****g great, said Mitch. Ye would just tell people oh there is my pal.

And he would shout on me and wave over. But before that he wanted me to join the Army, the two of us could do it the gether. People done that, they just went in the same bit. Oh but you join the Navy, I said.

I would never f*****g join the Navy.

Well I would not join the f*****g Army.

Oh but Smiddy ye can go places.

Mitch always said that. He loved going on boats and swimming and all other stuff about the Navy but no if ye were there for good and it was just all the time. Because where could ye go? Even just a walk, ye could not go one. Ye could no go anywhere. That was what he hated, ye were just stuck and could not get out. And ye needed to, ye just needed to. So ye could not go anyplace, just round and round the boat, it would just be f*****g horrible, just a horrible nightmare.

I thought that too. I only said Navy. I was no meaning it. We used to say when we were weer but no much now, only sometimes and only if it was Mitch. I did not think about it if he was not there. Something else I was thinking I did not say to people, no even Mitch, because if they thought ye were a boaster, I was not a boaster. It was just how if I could play football, play for a real team. Maybe I could. Billy was the one people said. But how no me too? When we got a game with the big ones they picked him first but it was me second. That was me before Podgie. They picked me instead. Podgie hated it. It did not mean I was better than him. But maybe it did. Podgie was a good tackier but he just kicked people. So people gave him the ball so they would not get kicked. Podgie came in on the tackle so they just kicked the ball away. They were feared. But that was our games, no the big Sunday ones. Podgie could not go in and boot the big boys. They just booted him back, and they done it sorer.

Oh but Billy had a great great shot. How did he do it? How can some kick it hard and other ones cannot? Maybe their leg does it quicker, just boom, or if it is a thick leg. Even at the good school and that stupid daft game out in the playground. Ones there could really belt that wee ball, they just thudded it so really hard, McEwan, how did he do it? I tried to but could not do it good. Except if it was dropping down, just bouncing, then ye could.

Imagine Billy in that playground game. What if he came and played. Maybe he would not be so good. Ye could not be good in that game, too many were running about. Really, it was just's***e. Billy was a good runner too but maybe I was faster. But he was a great dribbler. But then passing, he was just great at passing. The big ones said that. Oh wee Billy is a great passer of a ball. When they picked sides they picked him first among all us. They even picked him before some big ones. I saw them doing it. Billy was just the best player. But they picked me second of the wee boys and people saw it. I was not boasting, they just done it.

***

There was not much fighting at the good school except football in the playground if somebody booted ye so ye booted them back or went in hard and they just swiped at ye. Or else rugby, if they stuck their arms out and shoved ye so if ye shoved them back or in the scrum somebody punched ye.

We got rugby practice. Ye picked the ball up and threw it back the way, ye ran forward but threw it back. Some boys knew about rugby. I did not, and other ones. Ye ran about if it was windy, or else if it was not ye just stood still and were freezing. Big ones were good at it, fat ones leaned on top of ye. The old PE teacher liked rugby better than football and wanted us to play it. Ye aye got muddy falling down. Some just stayed out the way. I was one except I was no a bad runner. The teacher shouted at me to carry the ball, run with it, get to the byline and leave it on the ground behind the goal, and that counted as a goal. One boy was a fast runner and knew how to do it. Hannah. Oh tackle him, tackle him.