James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

My grannie had stopped talking. Usually she was at the sink and washing stuff. It was all just quiet. That happened. Ye heard a wee sound and it was like somebody. If it was my granda. Where is granda? It came in yer mind and ye looked for him. Maybe he was at the bathroom. If ye heard the plug getting pulled. Maybe it was him. Granda could not pull it good. A stupid old thing and ye had to yank it up and down. A lot of times he could not work it. He came out and banged the door. Stupid old thing. Ye heard him saying it.

Now this time he would hear her. But he would know she was just sad for him. My grannie was no really a boaster. He would just be smiling. Oh is she talking about me?

Granda could still be here if it was his ghost. It would see ye all the time. If people done stuff to ye it was him and he would be watching. But they did not do stuff to me, if they even tried it, just if they tried it. If they even thought they could.

My grannie's eyes were closed. She did not have her specs on. She sat that way and did not listen to the radio. Oh son I am just thinking about things. It was only granda that put the radio on, to hear the news. She never did. Maybe she was sleeping. But she was not. If I got up she would hear me.

I needed a forgery note for the Registration teacher, how I had a bad stomach. He was very strict and belted people, ye needed it right. My grannie had a book with all hospital stuff and names. If it was diarrhoea ye could spell it. The books were on the cupboard in the front parlour. Her writing pad was there as well. Ye done different writing for yer maw and da and signed their names. I knew how to write them. I done my grannie's too. She did printing and not writing. It was fancy and with wee twiddles on the end of the letters. I liked doing hers. I liked all the different ways people done it, straight up and down, as many ways as ye wanted. Ye could write all the names down and they all were different.

But I had to do the whole forgery note like my maw. Kieron has got diarrhoea and went home early.

Ones in that school had typewriters. Ye could do good notes with them to get off school. How come ye had to go if ye did not want to, if it was something ye hated and ye had to do it. If ye did not want to go, how come ye had to?

It was horrible. Snobs were the worst. I hated them the worst of all. If they thought ye would not fight, if ye were just a coward, they were very mistaken, if they thought I was easy. I would batter their heads in.

Imagine bringing Podgie and the boys into this school, ye could just do anything. Ye would just laugh and batter them. 5th year and 6th year too, just blooming snobs. So if Matt was there, so what. Who did he come in with, them or me? Was he a snob? Maybe he was. One of his pals was, I heard him talking and he had a snobby posh voice. That was Matt. He must have liked snobs, that was his pals. Well he could just keep them and go with them. I had my own pals and if it was my own school. I should have went there. How come I did not? Only my maw, she was just a snob, and a boaster. My da was one too but no as bad. But my grannie too. I did not know she was one but she was, if she said these things about a high-up family.

They were all snobs, everybody. Except Uncle Billy And Auntie May, she was no one either.

Auntie May was going away from grannie's house. Grannie would miss her, she liked having her. Oh she makes me laugh.

My grannie liked laughing. It was great when she did. My granda made her. Now he was away she sat on the chair a lot. She did not sit on it when he was there. My granda said, Oh wummin will ye sit down for a wee minute.

I have no time to sit down for any wee minutes.

She did not sit in granda's chair, just a wooden one. Her eyes were closed, she maybe was sleeping and her face was just well it was only just just the way it was, how she was sleeping, if she was sleeping, maybe she was not.

I got up and ben the parlour and got the writing pad and pencil and back in, seeing the door did not creak, and onto my chair, quietly, my grannie did not move. The wee cat was there and just looking at me. The other one was away, it got put to sleep. Poor old cat. That was killed, got put to sleep. Oh we got the big cat put to sleep. We just killed it, they killed it. Ye just got killed.

I went to the back pages of my grannie's writing pad and started drawing her, just how she was sitting like it was just sideways, was she going to fall a wee bit, and her elbows like that how they were just, she was just holding one, they were like they were folded a wee bit, just one arm, her elbow and wrist and just her one hand holding the other and ye saw her fingers peeping out, that was funny, how her thumb, sticking out, it was even dirty, a wee bit. My grannie did not mind being clean. My maw worried, my grannie did not. Then her knees too and her skirt, just coming out, her knees just came out, her legs down and her slippers, they were just daft ones with pom poms. Pom-pom slippers. Oh will ye look at that woman's slippers. It was not woman it was wummin. That was my granda. Look at that wummin's slippers son, ye ever seen the likes, a pair of pompom slippers.

That was how my granda talked, wummin and didnay, um nay and will nay, he did not care. My maw said that, Oh do not talk like yer grandfather. Yes but he was not a snob. My granda was not. I did not draw him, I wished I had, if I had drew him, I wished I had. I knew people but could not see their faces. I was not good from memory.

***

I went up for Billy MacGregor for a game of football and his maw answered the door. Oh are you going to a good school?

She knew I was but just said it. She did not like me going, she wished it was Billy. What I noticed was a funny thing, how she did not say my name. She used to say my name, Oh hullo Kieron, Billy is not in. But now she did not. I walked over the field with Billy and Peter Wylie but they did not talk much to me either. Boys were waiting to play. Primary 7S too. A big game was on. A lot of times the big ones let us play but if there was too many we did not get on. Catholics were there as well.

We waited to see if ones went away early then some of us got a game. Billy got took first but me second. Podgie and Peter Wylie got a game too. Gary McNab, Mitch and other ones did not except if the big boys were very short of players.

If none of us got a game we went to another bit and started a game ourselves. Some big ones had left school and worked at jobs. Men played too. Podgie's da used to when we were at Primary Some men played for real teams. One was Gerry Henderson and he played for Stirling Albion. A man called Tam McLennan had games for Celtic reserves. When they were all there we did not get playing much. If ye did ye just tried for a kick. Usually they telled ye to keep out on the wing. Just f*****g run with it and cross it over.

It was tough games and I did not like it much but if ye got playing ye just said, Aye, because it was the big boys and if they asked ye. Our own games were better to play because ye could play good. But we all liked watching the big ones. Their games were a good laugh. Sometimes they went in dead hard and ones got hurted bad and that was them, they just had to lie down and watch. They done that to the weer ones, if ye were running on the wing, they just came in and crunched ye. They done fancy stuff to show off and shouted all stupid nonsense. And about religion too. Gerry Henderson was a Pape and he was a laugh. He said stuff about True Blues. Oh I am no playing in that c**t's team, he is a bitter Bluenose b*****d, he plays a f*****g flute for the Orange Lodge.

Proddies shouted too. Oh there will be no Signs of the Cross off you ya Fenian c**t. Oh look at that f*****g rebel b*****d he is crossing himself, I am no picking him in my f*****g team, what is he the f*****g Pope.