James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

He was good at spitting. He done it through his front teeth, tthhhh. And he was a smashing whistler and did not use his fingers. Ye would be away at the end of the street and ye would hear him. Even across the field and down at the burn, oh there is Mitch. I could only do it with my fingers but no loud.

Some boys laughed at him. It was a funny thing in his voice and they mimicked him too but no if he would hear them. He was very very good at fighting. He was a best fighter in the school. He did not care about stuff. If it was a boy in a higher class. He did not care. He was in a big fight with a Primary 7. All people were watching. The Primary 7 was a best fighter. Then Mitch was greeting. We saw he was, and it was loud greeting, he was making a noise and it sounded just funny and people were looking. The Primary 7 boy's pals all thought stuff, if Mitch would give in. But we knew he would not and he just still was fighting, and he bashed the Primary 7 hard on the ear with a real hard punch and the Primary 7 just stopped and was holding his ear and going, Ohh ohhh and moaning, then went down on the ground and was still moaning.

Mitch ran away. Me and the boys ran after him. You won the fight Mitch!

I thought Mitch could beat Podgie at fighting. Other ones did not. Podgie done stuff. I did not like it. He dared Mitch to do stuff and Mitch done it. Go and skelp that lassie's b*m.

I telled him no to but he did.

Oh away and throw a stane at that window. So Mitch went and done it and Podgie and Gary laughed. Mitch hoped I would laugh but I did not. Oh Smiddy it is just for a joke.

But I did not like Podgie doing it. If it was me I would not have done it. So how come Mitch done it? I did not know.

Then in the class if Podgie said it, Oh away out and touch the blackboard. So Mitch ran out and done that too. And if Miss Cooney saw him, Oh William Mitchell what are you doing?

She shouted at him and gived him the belt. Mitch just looked. She belted people all the time but did not do it good. People laughed at her. So if ye were chalking a sum on the blackboard ye did a daft face or stuck yer tongue out. Then if she gived ye the belt. One time she done it to Gary McNab and he said, Oh please Miss that was dead sore, and he held his hands out and just flapped them so everybody was laughing.

Then people spoke rude to her, just saying all slang words, aye and doon and aw I cannay dae that miss, whit is it ye says miss. One time Podgie grabbed a lassie's school bag and emptied it on on the floor and Miss Cooney saw him but kidded on she did not. But I saw her and she did. The lassie got a big red face and was going to greet but she did not.

Miss Cooney was boney and with skinny legs and a yellow skirt and then the same jacket, she did not change it. Her back was bent over and she had black hair in a funny way stuck up. Gary McNab said, Oh that is not hair it is a hat.

Oh it is a wig. Podgie said, It is a wig to cover a baldy head.

Everybody all was laughing, lasses as well. They did not like Podgie but still were laughing. But some thought if it was true, if it was a wig. Imagine it. Then what happened, she dropped her chalk on the floor and went to pick it up. But she put her hand on her head. So that was to stop the wig falling off. So really it was a wig, it could be. Out at playtime people were talking about it. Oh if it is a wig. Maybe it is. Maybe she is a murderer, if it is a disguise. Oh what are we going to do? People were saying that.

So Podgie dared Mitch. Heh Mitch you lift it and see.

People did not think he would but he did. Miss Cooney was chalking stuff at the blackboard. Mitch ran over and pulled her hair hard. She fell down and was shouting in a high tiny voice, ohhhh, ohhhh.

Mitch was just there standing and people all were looking and just quiet.

Ohhh, ohhh.

What was going to happen? We all were watching. But she just got up and was holding her head. She saw a book and grabbed it, she bashed Mitch right on the head with it, oh and the book fell and she got his neck and choked it and then bashed him again and he was fighting to get away and done it. He ran to the back of the room. She shouted and went to get him but he dodged roundabout. She could not catch him. It was funny to see but everybody all was quiet and just looking to see. Ye could hear Miss Cooney breathing, Huh hoh, huh hoh, huh hoh, huh hoh.

Then ye saw how Mitch was getting near the door, he was just going with toty wee steps, getting there. He was trying to. But she saw him. Oh do not dare leave this room William Mitchell. But he did, just dived to the door and flung it open and away. Miss Cooney chased out after him.

What would happen? If she caught him or if it was the headmaster or else what? If it was the cops and the Approved School. Boys got sent to the Approved School or else Borstal. People all were talking till then a teacher came in, Get on with your work.

Another teacher came in and sat at Miss Cooney's desk till the bell went to go home. Me and the boys were walking down the street talking about it. Then there he was, he was hiding in a close. He came out and walked in the middle of us so nobody could see him, Oh if the cops came. Gary said it.

We went down the shops. Mitch telled us he did not see Miss Cooney. He just skipped out the front entrance and then out the gate when the jannie was not there. But the next day Miss Cooney did not come in and she did not come back again to school. Mitch's maw was there, she went into the headmaster's office. Mitch got a bad doing off his da.

But he was not good at football. He hoped he was and he was a fast runner but he did not hit the ball right and could not dribble. Usually he went in goals. He was good at diving and did not care about it, no even if it was raining and he got soaked. On the school pitch it was puddles puddles and down the goalie's end was worse, and then muddy. So who was in goals, if he had to dive, he got soaking wet and all muddy clothes. My maw would have killed me.

If it was too heavy raining ye did not play.

That was the worst. It just was. It was only football ye wanted. Sitting in the class and just waiting for the dinnerbell to ring then dinnerschool then getting a game.

Usually it was Billy MacGregor had the ball. The ones to carry it lived beside the school. If they were too far away they did not carry it. If ye carried the ball ye had to be first back. Billy did not go to dinnerschool. His maw was home and made his dinner. He got soup and toast and cheese but if his maw was late he just got a piece on cheese. Wait for yer soup! That was his maw shouting. No, I am not hungry. Billy telled me. He just rushed out and back to school.

If ye were late back with the ball people moaned at ye. If ye were dead late that was the worst thing, if yer maw kept ye in and the boys were out on the pitch waiting and there was not a ball. That was the worst. Who is carrying the ball? Oh it is Billy. Where f*****g is he!

How come he was not here! Then ye saw him running up and he gived a big kick of the ball. We got the sides picked and then were playing.

It was not Billy's ball really. It was a boy called Wotherspoon, it was his ball. He gived it to Billy after morning playtime. Billy kept it under the desk or if somebody else took it. I did too, sometimes. Ye just squeezed it under. If it jumped back out, sometimes it did, so ye pushed it in or if it bounced out on the floor and the teacher thought ye were laughing at her, ye were not, ye did not mean it. I will take that ball!

But she gived ye it back at dinnertime and just was smiling. Oh well ye better have it I suppose.

After school some of us got another game and the boys out Primary 7 played with us and weer ones out Primary 5. Sometimes it was only a wee drop of boys. We played crossing the ball and heidies, or three-and-in, so one boy went in goals and who scores three goals out the other ones, so it was your turn in goals.