James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

Podgie did not want ye saying Podgie if his da was there. So if ye just let him beat ye because his da was there, if he was wanting that, but ye did not. I did not care if his da was there. So what? If his da thought he was the best player, he was not. Podgie just could tackle and boot the ball, that was all, and if he scored a goal it was just easy and he kicked it. And then if he did a dirty tackle on ye his da just shouted, Good play good play!

It was not good play it was just dirty. People just's**t it when he tackled. So they let him win the ball. He never picked me. Him and Billy MacGregor were captains. Billy was the real best player. Him and Peter Wylie were in the second top division. Billy would have wanted to be in the top but he was not. He looked at me no swearing. His maw and da all went to Church. Billy always picked me for his team.

But Podgie was too slow. I could play him easy, ye got the ball at yer feet and ye just ran with it because he could not catch ye. So he stopped running. He telled us what his da said. Oh Smiddy would be good if he remembered the ball. Smiddy runs fast but he cannot dribble, ye just stick out yer foot and get the ball off him.

His da took him to the Rangers' games. I said how I got in when I was wee. The men lifted us over the gates, we did not have to pay. So we got in for nothing, we just dodged the cops. Podgie went away and telled his da then came back. Oh Smiddy you are a lying b*****d.

No I am not.

Ye f*****g are.

No I am not.

My da said ye could never have done it because that was the olden days.

I did so do it. I done it a lot of times.

Podgie did not believe me. Him and Gary were pointing at me and laughing. Two boys from the class below us were there. They were laughing too. What were they laughing about? If they thought they could laugh at me. They just went with Podgie because they wanted in with him. They were feared of him.

But if it was fighting he would beat ye. I thought about how ye would fight him and what my Uncle Billy said. Oh ye just grab something and batter him with it, if it is a brick or what, a bottle, ye just batter him with it and the best place is the nose, hit him on the nose and he will not get up. Or else boot him in the b**ls. If it was football it was rupture. Ye could not move if the ball hit ye there it was just the worst agony. So what if it was a boot? Ten times worse, a hundred times. Yer b**ls went all black, that was what happened to a bad rupture, ye saw all the football players if it was Rangers or who, Celtic or Thistle, and it was a free kick, they all shielded their b**ls else what would happen, it was a rupture and that was you.

Podgie acted tough with me all the time. So if I was easy he was going to take me any day. I thought how to fight him. Podgie could bash ye. He was not fat but just with a very thick body so if he did punch ye, ye would just fall down and that was you if ye were knocked out. A knock-out punch. Ye saw that in boxing.

If ye just did not do nothing, that was the worst thing. Boys done that. Somebody was battering them and they were just holding themselves, Oh stop stop stop, oh do not hit me, do not hit me. But they just got belted harder and then down on the ground, if it was a dirty fighter, they got a kicking. People shouted that, Oh let yer man up!

But a dirty fighter did not let his man up, just booted into him on the ground and the boy shouting, Oh give us mercies give us mercies.

A dirty fighter did not give mercies. The big boys were like that at football. They just booted ye. Two times they let me and Billy MacGregor play with them. They just booted ye off the park. They were in Secondary School. RCs played too, well if it was Sunday. So for Billy because he was good, it was just boot boot boot but Billy just dodged them. If it was me I just ran fast to get away, then they shouted at ye, Oh Smiddy is a wee's***ebag.

No wonder if you are just going to boot us!

But that was all they done. Ye heard somebody say, Oh he is a great tackier. But he was not a great tackier just dirty. I thought that. Then if they had thick legs they just crunched ye. Some of the big boys' legs were very thick, and if ye were trying to get into them they just banged ye and ye fell down. Even they did not mean it, they just caught ye or if it was their knee it cracked ye. Oh and it was pure agony. Yer leg was away and ye could not stand on it. Ye had to go and sit down till it got okay again.

So it was not good playing with them even if they let us. Ye just liked it because they were big. We got our own game and it was best. Big ones played with us but only Primary 7 up to First Year Secondary. In that big Sunday game ones had left school and were working. I did not play good with the big boys. Podgie and Mitch did not even play in their games. They just sat and were smoking. Gary McNab was with them. Gary did not play football much. One time he said to me, Football is p**h.

His big brother played and it was him and his pals brought the cards. He just left the game and went over behind the goals. So did other ones. Then the football finished and they started cards. Pontoons. Ye had to get to 21S or ye got bust. It was for money, so only them with money played. If ye did not have money ye just watched. I liked watching. But if there was too many wee ones and just all talking all the time, the big ones got angry, Oh stop f*****g yapping. Oh f**k off, wee c**ts.

But if ye were just there and quiet and just were watching then it did not matter. Or else if ye helped and went messages. If one was playing and you were not he would just say to ye, Oh will ye go to the ice-cream van and get me five fags and a bottle of ginger.

So ye just went. I went a lot because I did not have money. Ye got a drink of ginger or else a fag for going. If that one won a lot of money he could give ye something, threepence or sixpence. Sometimes he did not give ye anything, no even a fag. Just if he was flinging away the dowp he gived it to you so ye got the last draw before it burned too low. Some big ones did not give ye nothing. Ye ran round to the icey or else down the shops for them. Then ye came back and they laughed at ye. So ye stopped going their messages. Oh he is too miserable.

Some boys made pieces for ones that were winning the most money, and they said, Oh I am starving.

Do ye want a piece on jam?

No, a piece on cheese.

This was what Podgie done. He stayed near. He would run away up to his house and make a piece on cheese and then back down and give it to the other one and he would get money for doing it. So then if he played cards with the money he got, so if he won. Most times he lost it quick.

I lived too faraway to do it.

In my house ye did not get money. Matt got a job but then stopped it with his studies. A lot of the big boys had jobs. They done deliveries, milk or papers or what. Gary's brother worked on the milk. Another big boy there was George who was pally with my brother and had a wee brother Jim, he was a paperboy. He spoke to me. Oh I do not see Matt these days, what is he up to?

He is doing his studies. For his exams.

A lot of times George lost his money and was dead angry. He tossed his cards away and one time he tore them. Gary's big brother was looking at him, so if it was going to be a fight. But George won sometimes and if he gived me money. Do not gamble it now.

He called me Kieron. Some of the boys looked at me. Smiddy is Kieron. Then Podgie and a wee smile to Gary McNab, oh it is a Pape's name, I knew what he was meaning.

Somebody said Podgie got a doing off a Pape. I did not know if it was true. Just if he was going to pick on ye, that was what worried ye. One time in class me and Gary McNab were talking and he telled me Podgie had a wee t****r. Gary done a \y*****g sign with two fingers and was laughing. I telled Mitch. Mitch said it back to Gary but Gary said he did not say it, so if I said he did I was lying. I was not lying. He just laughed. That was what Gary done, so if it went back to Podgie, what would he say to me?