H. Adler - Panorama

There is another ring, and as Josef opens the door he can’t stop Frau Michalik from running into the main office. The new visitor is a heavy man, well dressed, wearing strong cologne, as he sits right down and says his name is Schebesta, and that he was here earlier today, around nine o’clock, no one was here, no one opened the door, nor did he wish to disturb anyone in the administration, but he had a meager request, but which is quite important, he having visited many editors already, though no one had time for him, the newspapers thinking only about politics, sports, and criminals, scientific sensations getting short shrift, even the academy not having the proper understanding, as there they continue to employ ancient methods, Schebesta pulling a bulky manuscript from his briefcase as he says, “Look here, this is my new method, I came up with it all by myself. As you know, none of the experts in the field have had any success, despite diligent effort, in raising fungi from seed. Only mushrooms can be grown. But with my method one can cultivate the spores of any fungus and let them thrive. One can also grow any of the poisonous sorts, which I am especially pleased with. After the seeds have been planted, you lay a piece of blotting paper over them that is soaked with salt and important nutrients. All of it is water-soluable. The chemical configuration is sound, and completely original, but it has to remain a secret. According to a schedule which I have calculated exactly, after two days the paper is watered with regular water so that all the nutrients in the paper dissolve. Then you take away the paper, and the fungi begin to sprout. The economic benefit of my invention is obvious, and I can explain it in greater detail if you wish. You can appreciate, however, that with this method you can grow fresh fungi in the middle of an industrial district. I believe the best thing would be for you to take my manuscript and give it to the proper individual to read. The Cultural Center could then spread the word about the advantages of growing fungi artificially and profit from it, my recommendation being that your share should be fifty percent.”

Before Josef can say a word, the door to the main office opens, as Schrimpl vigorously pushes Frau Michalik out ahead of him and yells, “You can’t just barge in here, Frau Michalik! Michel, you should … Where is Michel?” Frau Michalik is insulted, and says, “This is an outrage! I must speak with Professor Rapp!” Josef explains Michel’s absence and the reason that the woman succeeded at pressing her way in, at which Schrimpl again yells, “There’s nothing for you here! How often do you need to be told that it’s forbidden to enter? You will get a written notice when it’s time for your talk. Now just go!” More people enter the foyer, as Frau Michalik begins to rant that she wants her animal tales back, it’s a den of thieves that has to be escaped. The noise upsets Schebesta, who calls out in the midst of it that he’s not at fault, he only wanted to report about his discovery of how to raise fungi, even poisonous ones, though Frau Michalik doesn’t understand, she doesn’t know anything about fungi, she can’t eat them, but Schebesta explains that fungi are healthy, the poisonous ones are only for display in gardens, one will no longer have to go into the woods in order to marvel at the fly agaric, for people used to place artificial reproductions of them in gardens, and now that will no longer be necessary once anyone can raise his own fly agaric. And when Fräulein Auer comes up, wearing a pendant that has a fly agaric mushroom on it, Schebesta points to it and says, “There, look! The woman is wearing a reproduction of a fly agaric! That’s now outmoded, she can have fresh ones every day. She can have the real thing!”

Because of the ruckus, Dr. Horn steps in, Frau Michalik lunging toward him as she lets loose: “It’s all your fault! You told them that I’m not quite right!” Horn wants to know what’s wrong, it’s like a madhouse in here, he can’t even talk on the telephone in his own office, and the Professor will be back from the radio station soon, so no one should leave, everyone needs to get ready for the staff meeting, yet Frau Michalik bursts out, “To hell with your staff meeting! At last Professor Rapp is on his way, that’s good! I have time, I’m not budging an inch from my spot!” Schrimpl tries to mildly push Michalik toward the stairs, but she stands her ground and screams, “Violence! You’re hurting me! An innocent soul is being harmed!” The doors stand open, more and more people visible whom Josef doesn’t know, a man saying he is supposed to be giving a talk today in the large auditorium, where should he put his coat? Michel, who finally is back, should show him where. An older woman wants to know, “How can that be? Today’s paper says that a lecture on ‘Chemistry in the Kitchen’ is supposed to be given by Marietta Stolz in Classroom 2. And why doesn’t anyone know whether there’s supposed to be a lecture, and where?”

Then Herr Rosensaft introduces himself, saying that he’s supposed to speak about “Walking Tours of Naples,” but he was just in the small auditorium and the epidiascope is not there, just a projector, but he needs an epidiascope, because he has photo transparencies, not slides, which he told them beforehand, yet Horn explains, “Certainly, Herr Rosensaft. But the man who runs the epidiascope is sick. I’m sorry, there’s nothing that can be done.” Herr Rosensaft yells, “This is a scandal! The entire gist of my lecture will be lost if I don’t show my photos! You people have to make things right, or I’m not speaking!” Horn replies, “Calm down! It all depends on the lecture. Whoever talks about a landscape in a captivating manner does a far better job than any picture in rolling out a panorama before our eyes.”—“This is the last lecture I’ll ever do here! Twenty percent of the gross! No one pays as shabbily as does Rumpler! I must have the epidiascope! I need those pictures!” Saybusch then joins in to say, “Herr Dr. Horn, if you can pay me, I can run the epi.” Horn is outraged, saying that if Saybusch can work it he simply needs to do so, but Saybusch responds that he doesn’t have to, and no one can make him, for though he’d like to help, it would mean taking time from his time off, and that’s not part of the usual overtime allowance, but Horn explains, “For talks on geography hardly anyone shows. There’s no way that you can be paid for it, Saybusch. The lecture will take place without any pictures.” Rosensaft gets excited, saying, “What do you mean that geography talks don’t draw? In Graz the hall was packed. In Brno I had to deliver this talk three times, and twice in Reichenberg. If it doesn’t draw, it’s your fault, because you’ve handled things badly. I only saw four lines about it in the newspaper. You haven’t done enough ads and haven’t quoted any of my text.” Horn counters that the Cultural Center could never support its program through the kind of advertising that Herr Rosensaft is demanding, not even Sven Hedin had been so prominently promoted, but Rosensaft complains that everything has already been bungled, now it’s too late, and he needs the epidiascope, otherwise there will be no lecture, but Dr. Horn then threatens, “If you’re talking about bailing out, then that means breaking your contract, and you are answerable and accountable for that. Be reasonable. Otherwise you will pay the price, that I guarantee you.”—“You can’t nail me with breaking the contract! What are you thinking? I can hold you accountable and show you in black and white where it says that you are to provide me with an epidiascope.” Frau Michalik then jumps in, saying, “Just you wait, you swindler! Just you wait! Professor Rapp will be here any minute. We all have a bone to pick with him. It’s simply unheard of how things are run around here!” Saybusch offers to set up the epidiascope for Rosensaft and to take over the running of it, but only for a fee. Rosensaft won’t consider it, though, and stands on his rights, unwilling to pay any peon for what he is already due. Saybusch shrugs and repeats that he has to get something, either from the Cultural Center or from Herr Rosensaft, otherwise he doesn’t want any part of it.