Joseph McElroy - Women and Men

Well, that’s their story, and don’t expect to be admitted to any of their shindigs.

All of which is his alone to know, hypothetical man, a notch more beat-up this morning, last night’s pound of steer ground down in the gears of his gut, no one’s going to push him around; but hypothetical: but only he knows this secret union, the geology and the Indian stuff. United in what you can call one operation, like the same collateral for two loans, make it three, four; and he is encouraged not to get a more single-minded telling of the ship story or the monster story or the bird story from the environmentalist lady from Albuquerque who wants him militant, that’s why she’s trying to see him— develop an attack — make certain the surface-mining legislation coming we hope this year at least compels operators to repair damage to the land, and while the polluting particulates, the sulfur dioxide, the nitrogen oxides are worse from Four Corners than from what’s ahead, what’s ahead is thousands more acre-feet of water that could just as well be Indian irrigation-project water, taken from the Colorado River system; millions more tons of coal stripped, because now (if the companies get what they want — and let’s face it, energy projects as the Sierra Club man said are like apple pie, God, mother, and country) it’s gas —gas by the German method of chemical transformation — the Lurgi method, how does the name grab you? why aren’t you busy at your particular job in your niche, your stall, your compartment? — where you add oxygen and steam to an oven-hot pressure-pot of coal to make a gas composed of hydrogen, carbon oxides, methane, some sulfur compounds, then take away the wastes (which you sell while they’re fresh): which leaves low-heat-content "town gas" which before you shoot it to California gets refined again to make good old pipeline methane — a long, quiet, interstate fart — which was your object — a synthetic natural gas! Which is what this beautifully named process is all about: "gasification," the one simple object of all this.

This trip, his copy’s going to be pretty brisk.

Meanwhile he has made it here to Ship Rock alone only then to feel (for no place is only itself) eyes on him two thousand miles east as he put an open geology book on a table by a clear-glass bowl of water with pink and white petals in it (but now he saw only the water — which those very eyes had said would be — if you could only wrap water — a very nice present to take to Kyoto — she said it was a Jap poem). And he thought he heard a car from far off toward the town of Ship Rock (spelled as one word with a small r, he later noted) but then it might be the vehicle that he’d seen but now maybe can’t see coming slowly back over the curved, rutted track from the Rock, and so did not hear the car.

But then did — all around him like that hollow whole of his son’s stereo at college.

Or the equality of all places. Haunting him.

Well how did we get here? blinks an Indian woman.

Think up a story to tell her quick. Wing it.

Father Sky run roughshod over Mother Earth? Only in some families.

Blinking against the sun that he forgot to curtain out when he came in from the motel bar last night, blinking early this morning against the phone, blinking against two car doors clucked shut by marital voices outside the next unit, two voices, the memory of coffee ahead. Woke to the phone ringing Ship Rock out of his crumbling head, sleeping head, so that he need not pick up if he no want to, while last night’s drinks swung, hung together into one swaying deposit as deep as stories two engineers in invulnerable Stetsons told at the bar, which was not very deep, until he rolled one bed-creaking shoulder to grab the phone (feeling the void of another purpose than his own approaching his ear) and found his heart pounding through as if he had a hole in his ribs and heard instead something pretty nice, and the hope that in his report he would tell the "whole ecological story" and if we can’t stop these people, at least get a strong reclamation provision into the new law — make the bastards replace their divots, he thought, and if they don’t, then fine their asses, and if they don’t pay up, then check who’s buying their coal, but he heard himself say "Get back to you," and out of a dream of sailing round Ship Rock he thought he told her he wanted to go there, voices in the increasing shadow of his bladder — but for the first time (like a pun that only he had missed, carrying it, but missed only because he’d daydreamed it, no doubt to forget it)— "shipwreck."

This message. But one the messenger carrying it can’t know.

The Albuquerque lady anyway woke him with her call. But he thought he would not call her back. (O.K.? he asked, asking himself.)

She was not waiting for him when he came out of the shower onto—

More telling still, if by old practice he must speak aloud the message: words he knows in his sleep and told his daughter and son with more or less success before theirs, their sleep, of the Eastern Princess who went among crystal labyrinths (that sort of thing) and unheard-of flowers and rode a giant bird past the pyramids of Egypt and the bright hot springs of Iceland, saw the ritual slaughterhouses of five continents and a healer who with an invisible knife parted the skin to let out bad thoughts — and this East Far Eastern Princess whose royal father had shown her all the monuments of his country and all the love and all the young nobles that he and his loyal wife could muster, had given her this growing bird of a giant species noted for its traveling powers, but having caught and gobbled a cow here and there on the great plains and up into the desert among the greatest monuments of the earth that the Princess had yet seen, her bird found down across its track an animal faster and whiter than it had ever seen and flew at it and caught it in its beak and secreted it under its left muscle and flew on. But at that moment was spied a creature never seen before, or so it seemed in its solitary white-and-dark-dappled speed, nor did the Princess’s bird see that the speed of this western horse was a sudden reaction to the bird’s own course. And the bird caught the white-and-dark-dappled horse in its iron beak until a call like none the Princess had yet heard came from a crag on the horizon, whereupon she saw a herd of similar wild horses and above them a burnished prince upon his own dark, tall horse calling, in a language she knew without taking thought, calling to her that the wild and fancy young horse her giant bird had beaked could be hers.

There was more of that story if he did not think, and if he did not fully wake up. But the Albuquerque lady woke him with her call. He thought he would not call her back. (O.K.? he asked himself.)

She was not waiting for him when he came out of the shower onto thick dry carpet, the shower’s pleasant dream, nor waiting in the dining room smelling the steak-and-eggs platters sailing by, nor in credit car, into which he did not quite disappear, to flow secretly back through the wide streets of this boom town of Farmington (boom? boom? average, wide-streeted, middle-of-the-road boom) honked not boomed back to his senses and the right side of the road after catching sight of Ship Rock thirty-odd miles ahead, thinking maybe it was the Albuquerque woman following, who on the phone had offered her own car. Turn his in, she said, cancel his plane to Albuquerque, she was going to Albuquerque anyway, going home, her voice hesitated in order to be insistent, like his daughter’s voice somewhere very far east of here, probably in Washington, drowned out by her motorcycle; and he wanted for a moment to have breakfast with the woman but was able to say, "Get back to you." Shoulder creaking, hung up, knowing in the heart of this heartfelt clarity of knowing that he would take his own car and drive to Ship Rock by himself, hung up and found the woman’s voice between his legs in the motel bed.