Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

I think it was the first time that ever I was angry with Amy in all my Life; and when all was done, tho’ she was a devilish Jade in having such a Thought, yet it was all of it the Effect of her Excess of Affection and Fidelity to me.

But this thing gave me a terrible Shock, for it happen’d just after I was marry’d, and serv’d to hasten my going over to Holland ; for I wou’d not have been seen, so as to be known by the Name of Roxana , no, not for ten Thousand Pounds; it wou’d have been enough to have ruin’d me to all Intents and Purposes with my Husband, and everybody else too; I might as well have been the German Princess . [321] the German Princess : Mary Carleton, born Mary Moders in Canterbury in 1634 or 1635. She became a celebrated figure in London in 1663 when, posing as a wealthy German noblewoman, she made a bigamous marriage with John Carleton, and was soon afterwards exposed and tried at the Old Bailey. Several accounts were written of her life (including those by herself and by John Carleton) and a play entitled The German Princess was put on at the Duke’s House, Lincoln’s Inn Fields, in 1664 with Mary Carleton in the title role. She was hanged as a thief in 1674.

Well, I set Amy to-work; and give Amy her due, she set all her Wits to-work, to find out which way this Girl had her Knowledge; but more particularly, how much Knowledge she had, that is to say , what she really knew, and what she did not know; for this was the main thing with me; how she cou’d say she knew who Madam Roxana was, and what Notions she had of that Affair was very mysterious to me; for ’twas certain she cou’d not have a right Notion of me, because she wou’d have it be, that Amy was her Mother.

I scolded heartily at Amy , for letting the Girl ever know her, that is to say , know her in this Affair; for that she knew her, cou’d not be hid, because she, as I might say , serv’d Amy , or rather under Amy , in my Family, as is said before ; but she (Amy) talk’d with her at first by another Person, and not by herself; and that Secret came out by an Accident, as I have said above .

Amy was concern’d at it as well as I, but cou’d not help it; and tho’ it gave us great Uneasiness, yet as there was no Remedy, we were bound to make as little Noise of it as we cou’d, that it might go no farther: I bade Amy punish the Girl for it, and she did so , for she parted with her in a Huff, and told her , she shou’d see, she was not her Mother, for that she cou’d leave her just where she found her; and seeing she cou’d not be content to be serv’d by the Kindness of a Friend, but that she wou’d needs make a Mother of her, she wou’d for the future, be neither Mother or Friend; and so bid her go to Service again, and be a Drudge, as she was before.

The poor Girl cry’d most lamentably, but wou’d not be beaten out of it still; but that which dumfounded Amy more than all the rest, was, that when she had rated the poor Girl a long time, and cou’d not beat her out of it, and had, as I have observ’d , threaten’d to leave her; the Girl kept to what she said before, and put this Turn to it again; that she was sure, if Amy wa’n’t, my Lady Roxana was, her Mother; and that she wou’d go find her out; adding , that she made no doubt but she cou’d do it, for she knew where to enquire the Name of her new Husband.

Amy came home with this Piece of News in her Mouth, to me; I cou’d easily perceive when she came in, that she was mad in her Mind, and in a Rage at something or other, and was in great Pain to get it out; for when she came first in, my Husband was in the Room; however, Amy going up to undress her, I soon made an Excuse to follow her, and coming into the Room; What the D—1 is the Matter, Amy? says I ; I am sure you have some bad News: News, says Amy, aloud , ay, so I have; I think the D—1 is in that young Wench, she’ll ruin us all, and herself too, there’s no quieting her: So she went on, and told me all the Particulars; but sure nothing was so astonish’d as I was, when she told me that the Girl knew I was marry’d; that she knew my Husband’s Name, and wou’d endeavour to find me out; I thought I shou’d have sunk down at the very Words; in the middle of all my Amazement, Amy starts up, and runs about the Room like a distracted body; I’ll put an End to it, that I will; I can’t bear it; I must murther her; I’ll kill her B—, and swears by her Maker, in the most serious Tone in the World ; and then repeated it over three or four times, walking to-and-again in the Room; I will, in short , I will kill her, if there was not another Wench in the World.

Prethee hold thy Tongue, Amy, says I , why thou art mad; ay, so I am, says she , stark-mad, but I’ll be the Death of her for-all that, and then I shall be sober again: But you shan’t, says I , you shan’t hurt a Hair of her Head; why you ought to be hang’d for what you have done already; for having resolv’d on it, is doing it, as to the Guilt of the Fact; you are a Murtherer already, as much as if you had done it already.

I know that, says Amy , and it can be no worse; I’ll put you out of your Pain, and her too; she shall never challenge you for her Mother in this World, whatever she may in the next: Well, well, says I , be quiet, and do not talk thus, I can’t bear it; so she grew a little soberer after a-while.

I must acknowledge, the Notion of being discover’d, carried with it so many frightful Ideas , and hurry’d my Thoughts so much, that I was scarce myself, any more than Amy , so dreadful a thing is a Load of Guilt upon the Mind.

And yet when Amy began the second time, to talk thus abominably of killing the poor Child, of murthering her, and swore by her Maker that she wou’d, so that I began to see that she was in earnest, I was farther terrified a great deal, and it help’d to bring me to myself again in other Cases.

We laid our Heads together then, to see if it was possible to discover by what means she had learn’d to talk so, and how she ( I mean my Girl ) came to know that her Mother had marry’d a Husband; but it wou’d not do, the Girl wou’d acknowlege nothing, and gave but a very imperfect Account of things still, being disgusted to the last Degree with Amy’s leaving her so abruptly as she did.

Well, Amy went to the House where the Boy was, but it was all one; there they had only heard a confus’d Story of the Lady somebody , they knew not who, which this same Wench had told them, but they gave no heed to it at-all: Amy told them how foolishly the Girl had acted; and how she had carry’d on the Whimsie so far, in spight of all they cou’d say to her; that she had taken it so ill, she wou’d see her no more, and so she might e’en go to Service again if she wou’d, for she (Amy) wou’d have nothing to do with her, unless she humbled herself, and chang’d her Note, and that quickly too.

The good old Gentleman who had been the Benefactor to them all, was greatly concern’d at it, and the good Woman his Wife was griev’d beyond all expressing, and begg’d her Ladyship, meaning Amy , not to resent it, they promis’d too, they would talk with her about it; and the old Gentlewoman added, with some Astonishment , Sure she cannot be such a Fool but she will be prevail’d with to hold her Tongue, when she has it from your own Mouth, that you are not her Mother, and sees that it disobliges your Ladyship to have her insist upon it; and so Amy came away, with some Expectation that it wou’d be stopp’d here.