Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

With this Estate, settl’d as you have heard, and with the best Husband in the World, I left England again; I had not only in humane Prudence, and by the Nature of the thing, being now marry’d and settl’d in so glorious a Manner , I say, I had not only abandon’d all the gay [312] gay : dissipated, immoral. and wicked Course which I had gone thorow before, but I began to look back upon it with that Horror, and that Detestation, which is the certain Companion, if not the Forerunner, of Repentance.

Sometimes the Wonders of my present Circumstances wou’d work upon me, and I shou’d have some Raptures upon my Soul, upon the Subject of my coming so smoothly out of the Arms of Hell, that I was not ingulph’d in Ruin, as most who lead such Lives are, first or last; but this was a Flight too high for me; I was not come to that Repentance that is rais’d from a Sence of Heaven’s Goodness; I repented of the Crime, but it was of another and lower kind of Repentance, and rather mov’d by my Fears of Vengeance, than from a Sense of being spar’d from being punish’d, and landed safe after a Storm.

The first thing which happen’d after our coming to the Hague , (where we lodg’d for a-while) was, that my Spouse saluted me one Morning with the Title of Countess ; as he said he intended to do, by having the Inheritance to which the Honour was annex’d, made over to him; it is true, it was a Reversion, [313] a Reversion : not transferred outright, but as a right of succession at some future time (usually after the death or retirement of the holder). See note 293. but it soon fell, [314] fell : fell in, was obtained. and in the mean time, as all the Brothers of a Count are call’d Counts, [315] as all the Brothers of a Count are call’d Counts : Unlike the English practice, by which titles of nobility are acquired by right of primogeniture, continental practice permitted all the sons of a count to assume the title. so I had the Title by Courtesie, [316] by Courtesie : courtesy titles have no legal validity but are recognized by social custom. about three Years before I had it in reality.

I was agreeably surpriz’d at this coming so soon, and wou’d have had my Spouse have taken the Money which it cost him, out of my Stock, but he laugh’d at me, and went on.

I was now in the height of my Glory and Prosperity, and I was call’d the Countess de —; for I had obtain’d that unlook’d for, which I secretly aim’d at, and was really the main Reason of my coming Abroad: I took now more Servants; liv’d in a kind of Magnificence that I had not been acquainted with; was call’d Your Honour at every word, and had a Coronet behind my Coach; tho’ at the same time I knew little or nothing of my new Pedigree.

The first thing that my Spouse took upon him to manage, was to declare ourselves marry’d eleven Years before our arriving in Holland ; and consequently to acknowledge our little Son, who was yet in England , to be legitimate; order him to be brought over, and added to his Family, and acknowledge him to be our own.

This was done by giving Notice to his People at Nimeguen , where his Children (which were two Sons and a Daughter) were brought-up; that he was come over from England ; and that he was arriv’d at the Hague , with his Wife, and shou’d reside there some time; and that he wou’d have his two Sons brought down to see him, which accordingly was done, and where I entertain’d them with all the Kindness and Tenderness that they cou’d expect from their Mother-in-Law; and who pretended to be so ever since they were two or three Years old.

This, supposing us to have been so long marry’d, was not difficult at-all, in a Country where we had been seen together about that time, viz . eleven Years and a half before; and where we had never been seen afterwards, till we now return’d together; this being seen together, was also openly own’d, and acknowledg’d of course, by our Friend, the Merchant at Rotterdam ; and also by the People in the House where we both lodg’d, in the same City, and where our first Intimacies began, and who, as it happen’d, were all alive; and therefore to make it the more publick, we made a Tour to Rotterdam again, lodg’d in the same House, and was visited there by our Friend, the Merchant; and afterwards invited frequently to his House, where he treated us very handsomely.

This Conduct of my Spouse, and which he manag’d very cleverly, was indeed, a Testimony of a wonderful Degree of Honesty and Affection to our little Son; for it was done purely for the sake of the Child.

I call it an honest Affection, because it was from a Principle of Honesty that he so earnestly concern’d himself, to prevent the Scandal which wou’d otherwise have fallen upon the Child, who was itself innocent ; and as it was from this Principle of Justice that he so earnestly sollicited me, and conjur’d [317] conjur’d implored, appealed solemnly to. me by the natural Affections of a Mother, to marry him, when it was yet young within me, and unborn, that the Child might not suffer for the Sin of its Father and Mother; so tho’ at the same time, he really lov’d me very well, yet I had reason to believe, that it was from this Principle of Justice to the Child, that he came to England again to seek me, with design to marry me, and, as he call’d it , save the innocent Lamb from an Infamy worse than Death.

It is with a just Reproach to myself, that I must repeat it again, that I had not the same Concern for it, tho’ it was the Child of my own Body; nor had I ever the hearty affectionate Love to the Child, that he had; what the reason of it was, I cannot tell; and indeed, I had shown a general Neglect of the Child, thro’ all the gay Years of my London Revels; except that I sent Amy to look upon it now and then, and to pay for its Nursing; as for me, I scarce saw it four times in the first four Years of its Life, and often wish’d it wou’d go quietly out of the World; whereas a Son which I had by the Jeweller, I took a different Care of, and shew’d a differing Concern for, tho’ I did not let him know me; for I provided very well for him; had him put out very well to School; and when he came to Years fit for it, let him go over with a Person of Honesty and good Business, to the Indies ; and after he had liv’d there some time, and began to act for himself, sent him over the Value of 2000 l . at several times, with which he traded, and grew rich; and, as ’tis to be hop’d , may at last come over again with forty or fifty Thousand Pounds in his Pocket, as many do who have not such Encouragement at their Beginning.

I also sent him over a Wife; a beautiful young Lady, well-bred, an exceeding good-natur’d pleasant Creature; but the nice young Fellow did not like her, and had the Impudence to write to me, that is, to the Person I employ’d to correspond with him , to send him another; and promis’d, that he wou’d marry her I had sent him, to a Friend of his, who lik’d her better than he did; but I took it so ill, that I wou’d not send him another, and withal, stopp’d another Article of 1000 l . which I had appointed to send him: He consider’d of it afterwards, and offer’d to take her; but then truly she took so ill the first Affront he put upon her, that she wou’d not have him, and I sent him word, I thought she was very much in the right: However, after courting her two Years, and some Friends interposing, she took him, and made him an excellent Wife, as I knew she wou’d; but I never sent him the thousand Pound Cargo, so that he lost that Money for misusing me, and took the Lady at last without it.