Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

I think the Girl’s mad, says Amy ; why Child, I tell thee, if I was thy Mother I wou’d not disown thee; don’t you see I am as kind to you as if I was your Mother? Amy might as well have sung a Song to a Kettle-Drum, as talk to her: Yes, says the Girl , you are very good to me indeed; and that was enough to make any-body believe she was her Mother too; but however, that was not the Case, she had other Reasons to believe, and to know that she was her Mother; and it was a sad thing she wou’d not let her call her Mother, who was her own Child.

Amy was so Heart-full with the Disturbance of it, that she did not enter farther with her into the Enquiry, as she wou’d otherwise have done; I mean, as to what made the Girl so positive, but comes away, and tells me the whole Story.

I was Thunder-struck with the Story at first, and much more afterwards, as you shall hear , but, I say , I was Thunder-struck at first, and amaz’d, and said to Amy , There must be something or other in it more than we know of; but having examin’d farther into it, I found the Girl had no Notion of any-body, but of Amy ; and glad I was that I was not concern’d in the Pretence, and that the Girl had no Notion of me in it: But even this Easiness did not continue long, for the next time Amy went to see her, she was the same thing, and rather more violent with Amy than she was before: Amy endeavour’d to pacifie her by all the Ways imaginable; first , she told her, she took it ill that she wou’d not believe her; and told her , if she wou’d not give over such a foolish Whimsie, she wou’d leave her to the wide World, as she found her.

This put the Girl into Fits, and she cry’d ready to kill herself, and hung about Amy again, like a Child: Why, says Amy , why can you not be easie with me then, and compose yourself, and let me go on to do you good, and show you Kindness, as I wou’d do, and as I intend to do? Can you think that if I was your Mother, I would not tell you so? What Whimsie is this that possesses your Mind? says Amy : Well, the Girl told her in a few Words, but those few such as frighted Amy out of her Wits, and me too: That she knew well enough how it was; I know, says she , when you left —, naming the Village , where I liv’d when my Father went away from us all, that you went over to France , I know that too, and who you went with, says the Girl ; did not my Lady Roxana come back again with you? I know it all well enough, tho’ I was but a Child, I have heard it all. – And thus she run on with such Discourse, as put Amy out of all Temper again; and she rav’d at her like a Bedlam , [320] a Bedlam : a lunatic. See note 254. and told her , she wou’d never come near her any more; she might go a-begging again if she wou’d; she’d have nothing to do with her: The Girl, a passionate Wench, told her , she knew the worst of it, she cou’d go to Service again, and if she wou’d not own her own Child, she must do as she pleas’d; then she fell into a Passion of crying again, as if she wou’d kill herself.

In short , this Girl’s Conduct terrify’d Amy to the last Degree, and me too, and was it not that we knew the Girl was quite wrong in some things, she was yet so right in some other, that it gave me a great-deal of Perplexity; but that which put Amy the most to it, was, that the Girl (my Daughter) told her, that she (meaning me her Mother) had gone away with the Jeweller , and into France too; she did not call him the Jeweller , but with the Landlord of the House; who, after her Mother fell into Distress, and that Amy had taken all the Children from her, made much of her, and afterwards marry’d her.

In short , it was plain the Girl had but a broken Account of things, but yet, that she had receiv’d some Accounts that had a reallity in the Bottom of them; so that it seems our first Measures, and the Amour with the Jeweller , were not so conceal’d as I thought they had been; and it seems, came in a broken manner to my Sister-in-Law, who Amy carry’d the Children to, and she made some Bustle it seems, about it; but as good-luck was, it was too late, and I was remov’d, and gone, none knew whither; or else she wou’d have sent all the Children home to me again, to be sure .

This we pick’d out of the Girl’s Discourse, that is to say, Amy did, at several times; but it all consisted of broken Fragments of Stories, such as the Girl herself had heard so long ago, that she herself cou’d make very little of it; only that in the main, that her Mother had play’d the Whore; had gone away with the Gentleman that was Landlord of the House; that he married her; that she went into France ; and as she had learn’d in my Family, where she was a Servant, that Mrs. Amy and her Lady Roxana had been in France together; so she put all these things together, and joining them with the great Kindness that Amy now shew’d her, possess’d the Creature that Amy was really her Mother; nor was it possible for Amy to conquer it for a long time.

But this, after I had search’d into it as far as by Amy’s relation, I cou’d get an Account of it, did not disquiet me half so much, as that the young Slut had got the Name of Roxana by the end; and that she knew who her Lady Roxana was, and the like ; tho’ this neither, did not hang together, for then she wou’d not have fix’d upon Amy for her Mother: But some time after, when Amy had almost perswaded her out of it, and that the Girl began to be so confounded in her Discourses of it, that they made neither Head nor Tail; at last, the passionate Creature flew out in a kind of Rage, and said to Amy, That if she was not her Mother, Madam Roxana was her Mother then, for one of them, she was sure , was her Mother; and then all this that Amy had done for her, was by Madam Roxana’s Order; and I am sure, says she , it was my Lady Roxana’s Coach that brought the Gentlewoman (whoever it was) to my Uncle’s in Spittle-Fields ; for the Coachman told me so; Amy fell a-laughing at her aloud, as was her usual way ; but as Amy told me, it was but on one side of her Mouth; for she was so confounded at her Discourse, that she was ready to sink into the Ground; and so was I too, when she told it me.

However, Amy brazen’d her out of it all; told her , Well, since you think you are so high-born, as to be my Lady Roxana’s Daughter, you may go to her and claim your Kindred, can’t you? I suppose, says Amy , you know where to find her? She said , she did not question to find her, for she knew where she was gone to live privately; but tho’ she might be remov’d again, for I know how it is, says she , with a kind of a Smile, or a Grin; I know how it all is, well enough.

Amy was so provok’d, that she told me, in short , she began to think it wou’d be absolutely necessary to murther her: That Expression fill’d me with Horror; all my Blood ran chill in my Veins, and a Fit of trembling seiz’d me, that I cou’d not speak a good-while; at last, What is the Devil in you, Amy, said I ? Nay, nay, says she , let it be the Devil, or not the Devil, if I thought she knew one tittle of your History, I wou’d dispatch her if she were my own Daughter a thousand times; and I, says I in a Rage , as well as I love you, wou’d be the first that shou’d put the Halter about your Neck, and see you hang’d, with more Satisfaction than ever I saw you in my Life; nay, says I , you wou’d not live to be hang’d, I believe , I shou’d cut your Throat with my own Hand; I am almost ready to do it, said I , as ’tis, for your but naming the thing; with that, I call’d her cursed Devil, and bade her get out of the Room.