Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

I stood amaz’d at this Account, as well I might , and said nothing to him for a good-while, and the rather, because I saw him still busie, looking over his Books: After a-while, as I was going to express my Wonder; Hold , my Dear, says he , this is not all neither; then he pull’d me out some old Seals, and small Parchment-Rolls, which I did not understand; but he told me , they were a Right of Reversion [305] a Right of Reversion : a written right of succession to an estate. In English law reversion means that the estate (leased or granted, often for life, to someone who has no hereditary claim to it) reverts to the original grantor, or his heirs, on the death of the grantee or when the grant expires. which he had to a Paternal Estate in his Family, and a Mortgage of 14000 Rixdollars , which he had upon it, in the Hands of the present Possessor; so that was about 3000 l . more.

But now hold again, says he , for I must pay my Debts out of all this, and they are very great, I assure you ; and the first, he said , was a black Article of 8000 Pistoles, which he had a Law-Suit about, at Paris , but had it awarded against him, which was the Loss he had told me of, and which made him leave Paris in Disgust; that in other Accounts he ow’d about 5300 l . Sterling; but after all this, upon the whole, he had still 17000 I . clear Stock in Money, and 1320 l . a-Year in Rent.

After some Pause, it came to my Turn to speak; Well, says I , ’tis very hard a Gentleman with such a Fortune as this, shou’d come over to England , and marry a Wife with Nothing ; it shall never, says I , be said, but what I have, I’ll bring into the Publick Stock; so I began to produce.

First , I pull’d out the Mortgage which good Sir Robert had procur’d for me, the annual Rent 700 l . per Annum ; the principal Money 14000 l .

Secondly , I pull’d out another Mortgage upon Land, procur’d by the same faithful Friend, which at three times, had advanc’d 12000 l .

Thirdly , I pull’d him out a Parcel of little Securities, procur’d by several Hands, by Fee-Farm Rents, [306] Fee-Farm Rents : the rent paid for an estate held in absolute possession but subject to a perpetual fixed rent. and such Petty Mortgages as those Times afforded, amounting to 10800 l . principal Money, and paying six hundred and thirty six Pounds a-Year; so that in the whole, there was two thousand fifty six Pounds a-Year, Ready-Money, constantly coming in.

When I had shewn him all these, I laid them upon the Table, and bade him take them, that he might be able to give me an Answer to the second Question , viz. What Fortune he had with his Wife ? and laugh’d a little at it.

He look’d at them a-while, and then handed them all back again to me; I will not touch them, says he , nor one of them, till they are all settl’d in Trustees Hands, for your own Use, and the Management wholly your own.

I cannot omit what happen’d to me while all this was acting, tho’ it was chearful Work in the main, yet I trembled every Joint of me, worse for ought I know, than ever Belshazzjer did at the Hand-writing on the Wall, [307] than ever Belshazzer did at the Hand-writing on the Wall : Daniel 5:1–30. and the Occasion was every way as just: Unhappy Wretch , said I to myself, shall my ill-got Wealth, the Product of prosperous Lust, and of a vile and vicious Life of Whoredom and Adultery, be intermingled with the honest well-gotten Estate of this innocent Gentleman, to be a Moth and a Catterpiller among it, [308] a Moth and a Catterpiller among it : echoes Matthew 6:19–21. and bring the Judgments of Heaven upon him, and upon what he has, for my sake! Shall my Wickedness blast his Comforts! Shall I be Fire in his Flax! [309] Fire in his Flax : a traditional proverbial expression of the ease of destruction, similar to the modern expression ‘a match to a powder-keg’. and be a Means to provoke Heaven to curse his Blessings! God forbid! I’ll keep them asunder, if it be possible .

This is the true Reason why I have been so particular in the Account of my vast acquir’d Stock; and how his Estate, which was perhaps, the Product of many Years fortunate Industry; and which was equal, if not superior, to mine, at best, was at my Request , kept apart from mine, as is mention’d above .

I have told you how he gave back all my Writings into my own Hands again: Well, says I , seeing you will have it be kept apart, it shall be so , upon one Condition, which I have to propose, and no other; and what is the Conditon, says he ? why, says I , all the Pretence [310] Pretence : reason, purpose. I can have for the making-over my own Estate to me, is, that in Case of your Mortallity, I may have it reserv’d for me, if I outlive you; well, says he , that is true: But then, said I , the Annual Income is always receiv’d by the Husband, during his Life, as ’tis suppos’d for the mutual Subsistance of the Family; now, says I , here is 2000 l . a Year, which I believe is as much as we shall spend, and I desire none of it may be sav’d; and all the Income of your own Estate, the Interest of the 17000 l . and the 1320 l . a Year may be constantly laid by for the Encrease of your Estate, and so, added I , by joining the Interest every Year to the Capital, you will perhaps grow as rich as you would do, if you were to Trade with it all, if you were oblig’d to keep House out of it too.

He lik’d the Proposal very well, and said it should be so; and this way I, in some Measure, satisfied myself, that I should not bring my Husband under the Blast of a just Providence, for mingling my cursed ill-gotten Wealth with his honest Estate: This was occasion’d by the Reflections which at some certain Intervals of time, came into my Thoughts, of the Justice of Heaven, which I had reason to expect would sometime or other still fall upon me or my Effects, for the dreadful Life I had liv’d.

And let no-body conclude from the strange Success I met with in all my wicked Doings, and the vast Estate which I had rais’d by it, that therefore I either was happy or easie: No, no, there was a Dart struck into the Liver; [311] a Dart struck into the Liver : Proverbs 7:22–23. The allusion is curiously inappropriate since the reference is to a man seduced by the wiles of a harlot. Defoe uses it in that sense in Moll Flanders (Penguin Books, 1978), p. 218. there was a secret Hell within, even all the while, when our Joy was at the highest; but more especially now , after it was all over, and when according to all appearance, I was one of the happiest Women upon Earth; all this while, I say , I had such a constant Terror upon my Mind, as gave me every now and then very terrible Shocks, and which made me expect something very frightful upon every Accident of Life.

In a word , it never Lightn’d or Thunder’d, but I expected the next Flash wou’d penetrate my Vitals, and melt the Sword [Soul] in this Scabbord of Flesh; it never blew a Storm of Wind, but I expected the Fall of some Stack of Chimneys, or some Part of the House wou’d bury me in its Ruins; and so of other things.

But I shall perhaps, have Occasion to speak of all these things again by-and-by; the Case before us was in a manner settl’d; we had full four thousand Pounds per Annum for our future Subsistence, besides a vast Sum in Jewels and Plate; and besides this, I had about eight thousand Pounds reserv’d in Money, which I kept back from him, to provide for my two Daughters; of whom I have yet much to say.