Slava Brodsky - Funny Children's Stories. Bilingual Edition

П о здно в е чером, когд а я уж е леж а л в кров а ти и пыт а лся засн у ть, мне б ы ло совс е м не по себ е . Б ы ло мне не по себ е из-за всей э той ист о рии с деньг а ми и з у бом. И я попыт а лся предст а вить себ е , чт о случ и лось бы, е сли бы я сказ а л м а ме, что я потер я л д е ньги.

Нав е рное, м а ма ср а зу мне сказ а ла бы, что он а так и зн а ла, что я потер я ю д е ньги. А вот э того я не любл ю б о льше всег о . Уж а сно не любл ю , когд а м а ма мне говор и т: «Я так и зн а ла». Получ а ется, что я гл у пый совс е м. Получ а ется, что м а ме ср а зу ст а ло я сно, что я мог у потер я ть д е ньги, а мне д а же в г о лову э то не пришл о .

На с а мом д е ле, я т о же поним а л, что мог у д е ньги потер я ть, е сли я клад у их в тот же карм а н, где леж и т носов о й плат о к. Не так о й уж я гл у пый, как м а ма д у мает. Пр о сто у мен я с друг и ми карм а нами ещ ё х у же вс ё б ы ло.

В к у ртке, наприм е р, в одн о м карм а не у мен я леж а ли мон е ты, с гр я зью см е шанные, а в друг о м — пр о волока. Ну и из-за э той пр о волоки там д ы рка здор о вая образов а лась. Но я, кон е чно, не стал м а ме об э том говор и ть. Не стал я говор и ть об э том потом у , что в шк о лу оп а здывал и потом у , что у тром яз ы к во рту совс е м не х о чет вор о чаться.

Вот о ч ё м я д у мал вчер а п о здно в е чером, когд а леж а л в кров а ти и пыт а лся засн у ть. Ещ ё я под у мал, что е сли бы я вс ё -таки сказ а л м а ме, что потер я л д е ньги, у мен я н е было бы всех э тих муч е ний на весь вчер а шний день, а м о жет быть, д а же и на сл е дующий день т о же. С э тими м ы слями я вчер а и засн у л.

Сег о дня, когд а я просн у лся, я ср а зу всп о мнил всю э ту вчер а шнюю ист о рию. И ещ ё я всп о мнил о носов о м платк е , из-за кот о рого потер я л сво и д е ньги. Что же э то так о е получ а ется? Получ а ется, что я в ы сморкался, заверн у л вс ё э то д е ло в плат о к и полож и л себ е в карм а н. Э то пр о сто смешн о . Чт о -то тут непр а вильно. Так не должн о быть. Чт о -то тут не т о .

I do not like to lie. My mom thinks that I never lie. Therefore, I never do lie. I do not even say things that are untrue. Because if my mom found out that I said something that was not true, it would be the end of the world. And I do not want it to be the end of the world.

But sometimes it is very difficult to tell the truth. Sometimes telling the truth is just impossible. But those are completely different things: to say something that is not true or not to tell the truth.

For example, yesterday Mom gave me money for school breakfast. And when she saw that I put the money into my pants’ pocket, she did not like it. She suggested putting the money into the pocket of my school jacket so that I would not lose it.

But I did not put my money into the pocket of my school jacket and just said that I would not lose the money, “Don’t worry, Mom.” And I went to school. Well, unfortunately, it so happened that I did lose my money. I think it happened because I had my handkerchief in the same pocket where I put my money. And it is most likely that I lost my money as I was taking out the handkerchief.

When I came home from school, Mom did not ask me whether I had lost my money or not. If she had asked me about it, I would never have lied to her. I would have certainly told her that I had lost the money. But it did not occur to Mom to ask me this question.

I also made it seem as though I was in a very good mood. Because if I had not been my usual self, Mom would have immediately asked me what was wrong. But I did not want Mom to ask me these kinds of questions.

In the evening, at dinner, Mom asked Dad whether he was late for work because he had left home later than usual. Dad said that he was not late for work. But he did get in later than usual and saw how people were running to the entrance gates. And Dad pitied them. Dad especially pitied the old women. They were barely able to run, but they were afraid to be late. So they ran. “However,” Dad said, “I hope that nowadays they will no longer send people to prison for being one minute late.”

And here Mom gave Dad THE look. It was supposed to mean that Dad should not have said this in front of me because I was still too young.

But in reality Mom does not object to Dad saying this in front of me. Because Mom knows that I am no longer little. If Mom really did not want Dad to say these things, Dad would not, under any circumstances, say anything. I cannot remember Dad ever doing anything that Mom did not like.

So I think that when Mom gives Dad this look, she does it just for my sake. To make sure that I understand that at my age I should not be hearing things like what Dad said. And if I, for whatever reason, did hear it, I should not talk about it anywhere.

Then Mom started to ask Dad what interesting things happened at work. And Dad said that nothing interesting had happened. Everything was as usual. And that all the tracing paper had been pilfered from the drafters again. And Mom said that she was not surprised. Because food could be properly wrapped only in tracing paper.