Jonathan Cottam - The Urban Book of the Dead

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Urban Book of the dead is my second book to be published, after 'The Unrequited Zombie'. It is a rather less experimental work, though still unusual, vivid, and descriptive. I would describe the book as both psychedelic and surreal, being rather pedantic about the use of those two words. That is, if it were surreal I would be dealing with a psychological work, something that looked towards expanding knowledge of the Id, that primitive part of our nature that is repressed by social conventions and the need to plan to get what we want. It is, in that it is self gratifying without recourse to opinion, it is every animalistic urge that can only be released through art, because to do it any other way would have terrible repercussions. Having said that, next to my early work, it is not particularly arty or deep. It is psychedelic because it looks to reaching a higher consciousness by through creativity, to reach a state beyond the normal level of seeing things, it is also psychedelic and surreal in the commonly understood sense, it is 'trippy' and sometimes deals with drugs. It starts like this… "I floated above my body, I was a bubble fit to burst, I squeezed and struggled with my form, my clothes gripping and distorting my figure with their relative solidity, were the same ghost like material as the rest of me. Down below my face stared back at me; distorted and grotesque as the spirit shapes on the bark of trees, I felt my ghost face and it was etched there too, deforming me, chiselled by a million molecules of heroin, I had my wings, hung as from a pin, spread and feathered, and spanning the whole nicotine ceiling. I stared at the blue marbled arm; growing out like the gnarled branch of a tree, the fingers gesturing me towards it, and hanging from it, the syringe full of bubbles, blood and a quicksand of powdered death whirling like a vortex. A spoon lay on the floor and a small bit of cigarette filter in it, all having served a purely symbolic process. It seemed years of injecting powders and stuff flicked down to a dirty lemonade had paid off, perhaps a bubble could kill you after all." The book is I think taking one thing at least to a new level in literature, egomania. That is because the concept of the book is I the authors fight with god who is defeated, whilst at the same time dealing with my real life struggles as I go back through things that really actually happened to me in my drug filled and violent life as a drug dealer and through prison etcetera, and, changing them. I say egomania but again I mean the Id, the ego compromises, the Id does not. It is a very angry book because I am taking back the control that was taken from me, in that, to a very large extent I did not choose my life but it was forced on me, as with all the mishaps of all my dead friends who did not survive, through suicide, alcoholism, heroin overdose and murder. Enter God. God then is a symbol for society, capitalism, and the state, and also, plain bad luck. So is God then not God, is the book not satanic? My interest in black magic personally does not extend to believing in it, or God in any accepted sense either. I believe in magic as will, that Hitler could gain power through will is magic, that people can realise the future not through clairvoyance but precognition, taking in the world around them and understanding consciously or unconsciously where it is all going to lead, that kind of magic I believe, the other sort I only have a fair knowledge of as an interest and I am not a Satanist, that would be a misplacement of effort. "The noise got louder, but lower, rather than higher, so it travelled further and vibrated the walls. Crack's appeared in the walls in the form of a hundred distorted faces of people I had known, adventured and suffered with. A fragment of glass from a picture of 'Judith with the head of Hollerfernes' hit me in my eye, almost bursting my substance, which it settled in like a bloody monocle, magnifying the African tribal Fang mask in the centre of the wall, with its pale long wooden nose and owl like brow, its jutting chin; appeared to grow eyes that searched with the deepest hideous depth around my room and the dead body of me whose 'nakedness' I wanted to cover from the gaze. The mask bowed and came out of the wall, after it a huge body wearing the blue pinstripes of my wall paper and looking every bit the business man, come to settle my accounts, I was not about to make it easy. The scrambled voices became one, the word "Jonathan!" boomed. This was God, this was the confrontation I had been waiting for my whole life." The meaning of that is obvious in the pinstriped suit I think, but also a little later the meaning and symbolism is made totally obvious. "God spoke "I am the unity, I am the morals and the law, think like me and my triumphs will be your triumphs because there will be no difference, surrender all self generated thought of conflict, all difference is imaginary, it is not held and is alien to mind." I replied simply, my head turned to him from my place on the ceiling, "I am my desire." -A little later it gets really obvious. "With haste I flew forward and stabbed God in the eyes with my fingers, which flattened against the harder substance of Gods eyes, I cried out "This is for poverty, this is for the atomisation of life, this is for your prisons and the police, for all my friends who are lost yet alive, and all those you sent to hell which is a place on Earth. This is for everything." Soon events from the past unfold, and people I knew come into the picture such as Jay. Jay was a traveller; that is he moved from town to town, lived rough and begged. He had the unnerving attribute of being both friendly, warm, and a complete psychopath, loyal and perverse, he was a real good character for a book. I meet Jay again fishing in Hell. "I dropped my line in the molten lead from my rod. Immediately the rod bent almost double, despite its thickness. It pulled so hard I estimated that what ever was on the end must have been over two hundred pounds. I reeled in my rod and a giant fish splashed on the end of it, it looked like some kind of gigantic roach, its tail splashing molten lead at me as its body curved in the waves trying to get away. I landed the fish in the boat and it suffocated there its mouth open and body heaving, I marvelled at the square scales on its silver body, bigger than my hands. As I stood fascinated, the body of the fish, distorted as if something inside was trying to push its way out, a fist punched its way through, then two hands, pulled the fish apart, then before me was the crouched naked body of Jay, covered in a stinky fish slime, he held his nose and spoke nasally. "Hello Monster!" he said smoothly. Jay stood up tall, rocking only slightly; and threw chunks of fish in the water, now without the protection of its tough outer layers, the bits of fish flamed up as they entered the sea, with puffs of flame and billows of smoke. He held the rest of the carcass above his head, his arms at full length, and chucked that in after it; there was a huge flaming that threatened to engulf the boat, but it went out fast. I was pleased to see Jay, I had him picked out as my right hand man, there was something about him that persuaded you to trust him at the same time as acknowledging he wasn't entirely trust worthy, a slightly sly warmth, a look in the eyes that said he was tough and dependable, but somehow self centred. But, however he was useful, very handy; a good person to know. I asked a searching question. "How are you here? As far as I know you're still alive." Jay looked at me long and hard "Doesn't bloody look like it does it Monster. In Hell as well. What did I do to deserve that? A few fights, drug dealing, a couple of rich burglaries, fucking a tree on LSD, underage sex and a sexual assault in McDonalds that was nothing but feeling some ones leg, and I'm in Hell." Yes, he was really like that and he did all those things. The character of Jay is a rich part of the book, to which I am indebted to knowing him, not that many people will ever read it, but I live to write, quite literally. Another theme of the book is the yearning for togetherness, community, against the very real need for individuality, adventure and subjectivity. The two themes run through every religion, philosophy and form of politics to a varying degree of scientific application. It is not as simple as one or the other and both sides in the book take both approaches. There is no answer in human nature between the two, it is irreconcilable and all we can do is draw attention theoretically to the issue between fascism and anarchism, individuality and togetherness, though we do find more honest and liveable conditions in libertarianism than dictatorial politics. The problem between wanting togetherness and a shared identity, but being repulsed at having to give up subjectivity so pervades the book that many characters rebel against the human form, whilst not giving up the need for community, and become many headed monsters. But, the book insists, the need for adventure is the unifying theory that makes sense of our misery and creates a symbiosis between the conflicting forces. "As the ship rowed closer I realised it was the rule of these creatures, my brave men which is what they were, to reject the human form given by God for those of their own imagination, and to conjoin like the ultimate pack of animals, or; what I had seen in human riots when a crowd does indeed become a single and very different animal than the sum of its parts. I saw men who had formed their joints together to form the bodies of double kneed, twelve-foot men with two heads. Two had done that. The dragon with seven necks and six heads was also there, waiting in futility for my strange communion, for I was still attached to the human form, it still represented for me a thing of beauty and free autonomy." The book is all about conflict, but as Buddhists say, all conflict is imaginary, so I think, we are all in a state of symbiosis in a world where assistance between organisms is the norm even when it appears in the form of its opposite. That's all I want to say about the book.

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Next we were both out in the street going towards town, I took to the air with spastic flaps, sailing from side to side my legs dragging, I shouted after him, but he was deaf to me, his ears full of my feathers or the flap of wings mistaken for his heart beat. He could only hear the beat of my wings, the blood in his ears, so I tempered out my flapping, trying to slow them down and the beat of his heart in the process.

I stayed there all night above his head as he wandered; a protective silhouette against the full moon, I flying backwards was like a pastry shaper cutting a hole in it. Then I beat my wings in his ears again, he was oblivious. “Monster” I cried as he entered the streets of town. People who had been drinking looked at his form in a grey t-shirt, grey arms and face, naked or camouflaged, in his gait he walked to be invisible, which made him all the more visible, even as I covered him with my wings. Drunk and unfit themselves, they looked at the man who was having a bad trip contemptuous, cleverly, like they knew better and they didn’t, I wished them all weak livers, a curse that fitted, weak livered they were.

I hovered above him as he made the four mile journey to my Mothers terrace house four times, each time near the door, where his mother and sister lived, Monster balked and walked back, I would shout “Monster, its me, its you.” But he never once heard.

Eventually, in the last hour of night, he knocked on our mother’s door. She let us in. Monster went through the hard unforgiving wood of the hall floor to the living room. I was astounded to be back in this house as it had been. Only the suite was new, with its varnished arms and dizzying floral pattern that danced before my distressed eyes, merging with the like floral pattern of the carpet, Ikea lamps cast sinister shadows to complete the picture. The whole scene was completely reflected in the blank screen of the thirty inch telly. From which my winged form was eerily absent, making me feel even more like I didn’t exist.

“I think I’m burned but I can’t see it” Monster cried out. My sister came down and stood by my mother. Both in gowns, my sister combing her hands through her early morning tangled strawberry blonde hair, nervously; but made serene by her sleepiness. My mother looked strangely tall; the glasses did not hide her fear for Monster, the eyes and their intentions magnified, starring hypnotic, her body made long in the stark lights shadows, my sister hugging her close. Then they were both hugging themselves.

“Why are you hugging yourselves?” asked Monster.

“Its cold!” said my sister.

Then my mum said “Its cold.”

“Am I burnt?” Monster asked.

“No you’re not burnt” said my mother, rubbing Monsters hands, “see”.

She looked intently in his face. The rattle of a milk float could be heard out side. Monster ran to the door and opened it; the milkman was there with a bottle in his hand.

“Tell him he’s not burnt” My mother said

“Your not burnt” said the milkman in surprise, looking wary. To me it seemed the bottle crashed from his hand in astonishment, the shards of glass cutting into the pea soup atmosphere of fear, the milk that so nurtured us, running away as fast as it could, but it was still there in his hand, he proffered it.

Monster ran off down the street, I knew the terror, the LSD exaggerating his emotions, already intently afraid by illusion. That was where I learnt intense fear has a green hue. He screamed “Arghh!” all the way down the street.

From somewhere a police van turned up, he thought they would kill him, he shouted “Help!” The police van stopped and six policemen got out. Monster ran up a drive way and rammed his fist through a window to get attention from the sleeping inhabitants, his arm was wide open and I could see the tendons, as the warm blood flowed down his arm, I knew the idea came to him for a second that he was a robot, but it was fleeting. The police grabbed him to the ground and put a wet cloth that smelt of petrol over his face.

Monster screamed “Its vitriol!”

A police man cursed “Oh shit!”

They cuffed Monster with stiff, plastic joined cuffs, he pulled the cuffs hard apart and there was an audible cracking sound. The police noticed all the blood pouring, one looked down “Oh shit!” He said again. Monster was now in the back of the police van. I got in too “Monster! Monster!” I tried again “Jon; its me, its you” He could notice nothing, I whipped a policeman with my wing, he flinched, ‘good’.

Now Monster was on a hospital bed, two policemen watched as four held him down, he was so full of adrenalin he rose up, again and again, the police kept pushing him down “I want to see Jane before I die!” He cried out, “Get Jane.”

“We can’t!” the police shouted.

“Please get me a cup of tea” Shouted Monster, pleading.

“We can’t” They said.

“You’re not real policemen” Monster shouted again.

The police looked grateful, I nearly cringed. The nurses were there, they pulled Monsters trousers down, making his anxiety worse, then they injected him, he realised the injection was not fatal and started to calm down, a drip was put in his arm that he kept pulling out, and they started to take the glass out of his arm. There was no more to see, I went back.

I was weary and depressed. The exploit had failed tragically, if anything I was weakened by what I had seen. I needed a familiar face, if that’s all it was, a face, the most familiar. She could help me and tell me where it had all gone wrong, what I needed now more than ever was a strong ally.

I felt self destructive, and the magic I chose reflected that. I sat down in my armchair and rolled a cigarette and lit it, then; putting it in the ashtray I pulled off my left hand with my right. Picking up the cigarette I burned two eyes on it. They wriggled at me shifting from side to side. The ligaments of the join to my arm moved, feeling to rejoin. I turned the hand palm upwards and opened it up, reattaching all the ligaments to different parts of the hand, a clumsy process with only one hand, even harder was turning it over and moulding it into a crab. Now with a mind of its own I threw it on the floor and it scurried around and hid under the sofa, the only available ‘rock’.

I went to the kitchen and got a can of beer from the fridge, pulling the ring pull off with my teeth. I whistled for the crab and it scurried obediently into the circle that the Judith or the Scarlet Whore had left. I scattered the contents of the beer on top of it. The Scarlet Whore grew out of the crab form, in the crab shape she had left in, then she transformed back into her real ‘Judith’ image, but she was now the bright red of oxygenated blood, and naked she stood before me with nipples of gold and a head dress of skulls of vanquished lover kings, and two golden rams horns. Her cheeks bulged and she spat the beer back in my face, then she laughed heartily and came over and wiped my face clean with her fingers, as though I was a small child, She spoke to me in a tone of voice that matched the action as she shook me fondly.

“Hey soldier! Legionnaire! God slayer! You called me back!” Judith said jovially.

She held my stump in her hands and then she was holding my new hand in her hands in a slight of magic. I lay back in the chair and sighed deeply, my words came out with my breath. “You are right. I need help desperately, I can’t do it, I can’t”

“Yes you can” She smiled rubbing my hand “Only you can do it.” She nodded her head reassuringly. “Let me show you how it’s done and put you on the right track.”

She continued “Here do you remember this?” I was suddenly back at my old flat in Avenham, I recognised the scene. Judith was still hold of my hand and we stood unseen in the background.

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