Jonathan Cottam - The Urban Book of the Dead

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Urban Book of the dead is my second book to be published, after 'The Unrequited Zombie'. It is a rather less experimental work, though still unusual, vivid, and descriptive. I would describe the book as both psychedelic and surreal, being rather pedantic about the use of those two words. That is, if it were surreal I would be dealing with a psychological work, something that looked towards expanding knowledge of the Id, that primitive part of our nature that is repressed by social conventions and the need to plan to get what we want. It is, in that it is self gratifying without recourse to opinion, it is every animalistic urge that can only be released through art, because to do it any other way would have terrible repercussions. Having said that, next to my early work, it is not particularly arty or deep. It is psychedelic because it looks to reaching a higher consciousness by through creativity, to reach a state beyond the normal level of seeing things, it is also psychedelic and surreal in the commonly understood sense, it is 'trippy' and sometimes deals with drugs. It starts like this… "I floated above my body, I was a bubble fit to burst, I squeezed and struggled with my form, my clothes gripping and distorting my figure with their relative solidity, were the same ghost like material as the rest of me. Down below my face stared back at me; distorted and grotesque as the spirit shapes on the bark of trees, I felt my ghost face and it was etched there too, deforming me, chiselled by a million molecules of heroin, I had my wings, hung as from a pin, spread and feathered, and spanning the whole nicotine ceiling. I stared at the blue marbled arm; growing out like the gnarled branch of a tree, the fingers gesturing me towards it, and hanging from it, the syringe full of bubbles, blood and a quicksand of powdered death whirling like a vortex. A spoon lay on the floor and a small bit of cigarette filter in it, all having served a purely symbolic process. It seemed years of injecting powders and stuff flicked down to a dirty lemonade had paid off, perhaps a bubble could kill you after all." The book is I think taking one thing at least to a new level in literature, egomania. That is because the concept of the book is I the authors fight with god who is defeated, whilst at the same time dealing with my real life struggles as I go back through things that really actually happened to me in my drug filled and violent life as a drug dealer and through prison etcetera, and, changing them. I say egomania but again I mean the Id, the ego compromises, the Id does not. It is a very angry book because I am taking back the control that was taken from me, in that, to a very large extent I did not choose my life but it was forced on me, as with all the mishaps of all my dead friends who did not survive, through suicide, alcoholism, heroin overdose and murder. Enter God. God then is a symbol for society, capitalism, and the state, and also, plain bad luck. So is God then not God, is the book not satanic? My interest in black magic personally does not extend to believing in it, or God in any accepted sense either. I believe in magic as will, that Hitler could gain power through will is magic, that people can realise the future not through clairvoyance but precognition, taking in the world around them and understanding consciously or unconsciously where it is all going to lead, that kind of magic I believe, the other sort I only have a fair knowledge of as an interest and I am not a Satanist, that would be a misplacement of effort. "The noise got louder, but lower, rather than higher, so it travelled further and vibrated the walls. Crack's appeared in the walls in the form of a hundred distorted faces of people I had known, adventured and suffered with. A fragment of glass from a picture of 'Judith with the head of Hollerfernes' hit me in my eye, almost bursting my substance, which it settled in like a bloody monocle, magnifying the African tribal Fang mask in the centre of the wall, with its pale long wooden nose and owl like brow, its jutting chin; appeared to grow eyes that searched with the deepest hideous depth around my room and the dead body of me whose 'nakedness' I wanted to cover from the gaze. The mask bowed and came out of the wall, after it a huge body wearing the blue pinstripes of my wall paper and looking every bit the business man, come to settle my accounts, I was not about to make it easy. The scrambled voices became one, the word "Jonathan!" boomed. This was God, this was the confrontation I had been waiting for my whole life." The meaning of that is obvious in the pinstriped suit I think, but also a little later the meaning and symbolism is made totally obvious. "God spoke "I am the unity, I am the morals and the law, think like me and my triumphs will be your triumphs because there will be no difference, surrender all self generated thought of conflict, all difference is imaginary, it is not held and is alien to mind." I replied simply, my head turned to him from my place on the ceiling, "I am my desire." -A little later it gets really obvious. "With haste I flew forward and stabbed God in the eyes with my fingers, which flattened against the harder substance of Gods eyes, I cried out "This is for poverty, this is for the atomisation of life, this is for your prisons and the police, for all my friends who are lost yet alive, and all those you sent to hell which is a place on Earth. This is for everything." Soon events from the past unfold, and people I knew come into the picture such as Jay. Jay was a traveller; that is he moved from town to town, lived rough and begged. He had the unnerving attribute of being both friendly, warm, and a complete psychopath, loyal and perverse, he was a real good character for a book. I meet Jay again fishing in Hell. "I dropped my line in the molten lead from my rod. Immediately the rod bent almost double, despite its thickness. It pulled so hard I estimated that what ever was on the end must have been over two hundred pounds. I reeled in my rod and a giant fish splashed on the end of it, it looked like some kind of gigantic roach, its tail splashing molten lead at me as its body curved in the waves trying to get away. I landed the fish in the boat and it suffocated there its mouth open and body heaving, I marvelled at the square scales on its silver body, bigger than my hands. As I stood fascinated, the body of the fish, distorted as if something inside was trying to push its way out, a fist punched its way through, then two hands, pulled the fish apart, then before me was the crouched naked body of Jay, covered in a stinky fish slime, he held his nose and spoke nasally. "Hello Monster!" he said smoothly. Jay stood up tall, rocking only slightly; and threw chunks of fish in the water, now without the protection of its tough outer layers, the bits of fish flamed up as they entered the sea, with puffs of flame and billows of smoke. He held the rest of the carcass above his head, his arms at full length, and chucked that in after it; there was a huge flaming that threatened to engulf the boat, but it went out fast. I was pleased to see Jay, I had him picked out as my right hand man, there was something about him that persuaded you to trust him at the same time as acknowledging he wasn't entirely trust worthy, a slightly sly warmth, a look in the eyes that said he was tough and dependable, but somehow self centred. But, however he was useful, very handy; a good person to know. I asked a searching question. "How are you here? As far as I know you're still alive." Jay looked at me long and hard "Doesn't bloody look like it does it Monster. In Hell as well. What did I do to deserve that? A few fights, drug dealing, a couple of rich burglaries, fucking a tree on LSD, underage sex and a sexual assault in McDonalds that was nothing but feeling some ones leg, and I'm in Hell." Yes, he was really like that and he did all those things. The character of Jay is a rich part of the book, to which I am indebted to knowing him, not that many people will ever read it, but I live to write, quite literally. Another theme of the book is the yearning for togetherness, community, against the very real need for individuality, adventure and subjectivity. The two themes run through every religion, philosophy and form of politics to a varying degree of scientific application. It is not as simple as one or the other and both sides in the book take both approaches. There is no answer in human nature between the two, it is irreconcilable and all we can do is draw attention theoretically to the issue between fascism and anarchism, individuality and togetherness, though we do find more honest and liveable conditions in libertarianism than dictatorial politics. The problem between wanting togetherness and a shared identity, but being repulsed at having to give up subjectivity so pervades the book that many characters rebel against the human form, whilst not giving up the need for community, and become many headed monsters. But, the book insists, the need for adventure is the unifying theory that makes sense of our misery and creates a symbiosis between the conflicting forces. "As the ship rowed closer I realised it was the rule of these creatures, my brave men which is what they were, to reject the human form given by God for those of their own imagination, and to conjoin like the ultimate pack of animals, or; what I had seen in human riots when a crowd does indeed become a single and very different animal than the sum of its parts. I saw men who had formed their joints together to form the bodies of double kneed, twelve-foot men with two heads. Two had done that. The dragon with seven necks and six heads was also there, waiting in futility for my strange communion, for I was still attached to the human form, it still represented for me a thing of beauty and free autonomy." The book is all about conflict, but as Buddhists say, all conflict is imaginary, so I think, we are all in a state of symbiosis in a world where assistance between organisms is the norm even when it appears in the form of its opposite. That's all I want to say about the book.

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I came back into the living room and looked with desire at my couch against the wall and near the door leading to the living room and bathroom, the couch was an inviting tanned velvet, big and with over flowing cushions, it was my opinion that a couch was something you had to be able to fall asleep on when you were stoned, or a refuge should you come home drunk. Moving along the red chord carpet I now scuffed my feet along was an arm chair of the same material, I sat in it and picked up the remote for the small telly in the corner by the window, I looked up at the prison shirt stripes of my wall paper and the incredulous crumbling plaster shape of a large man cut out in it. The shape was half way amongst a picture of ‘Judith with the head of Hollerfernes’ and two remaining tribal masks. I pressed the remote button.

I looked at the old tube telly as it breathed fuzz and rattled its silver buttons with vibrations, asthmatic and empty. My imagination filled in the static with voices and the voices started to become real, but they just filled in my thoughts, “going to switch this off” and “does everything become real, real, here”. I switched the damn thing off, squashing my finger on the button with a stab of dull pain. Better to get things done than mess around.

It was now necessary to eat some magic, not having time to become adept. I went to the kitchen and put on the frying pan and put some lard in the pan, then some eggs and a sausage arranged in a face. The pan hissed and spat, and when you are a ghost it hurts even more to be spat at, the little globules passed right in to me as surely as bullets. There was no mistaking the frying pans contempt or the holes in my hand and arm. I now got a book off a shelf in my bed room, it was the books of thelema by Aleister Crowley, I tore some pages out and put them in the frying pan and they went brown and soggy. Having cooked my meal I placed it all on a plate and ate it in a chair in the living room. It was hard to consume because I was forcing myself to eat, which is always painful and gives a physical aspect to ones misery which the term ‘not being able to stomach’ suggests, also being a ghost of limited solidity it was very hard on the insides and almost passed through my stomach all together. But immediately having ate the pages I felt more powerful.

I went to the front door and opened it to look out on the twilight world I had entered. Immediately billows of choking smoke came through the door, fumes of carbon monoxide mixed with lead. The Sun was smothered in the sky and glowing red. It cast giant shadows of fearsome aspects fighting with various weapons from swords to Uzis, figures were slayed and fell to the ground, one lay its shadow head on my doorstep, turned and died. A procession of cars travelled down the street, the cars were hobbling along on wings in disjointed jumps rather than rolling on their wheels, they honked like geese. The procession was going through Avenham where I used to live, and it was being lead by God. God turned around and looked at me, drawing himself to his full height, just a few feet away, his wallpaper clothes were turning into a suit, a collar of torn paper hung out of the suit and flapped in the breeze, the mask had become fleshy. The figure smiled. I looked back with contempt and shut the door. It would not be possible to travel to the Prison that way, although it was just down the road.

I got a piece of pool chalk and went to my bedroom door and chalked a voodoo pentacle, which is more like an umbrella, I put various Thelema symbols on the door. Then I chalked the date 1997 and wrote ‘prison’. Then I opened the door.

Inside I was in a cell in HMP Preston. I was in front of my living solid self whom I will refer to throughout by my old slang name of Monster, and so try to avoid the mirrored complexities of what faced me in your mind, as I watched myself confusedly juxtaposed. I searched Monster’s familiar features ready to intervene. He was sitting at a table eating pie and vege with mash and gravy. Monster was aware he was right next the toilet as he ate; only a Formica partition separated him from the new unwelcome pad mates earlier turd. Monster felt as intimidated by the smell as he would be if the new pad mate had leaned over the table and screwed up his Goya face and breathed his hot halitosis in his face.

The new pad mate was an inferior specimen, he was finding prison hard but hiding it by trying to assert his authority through prison bullshit, he had already accused Monster of stealing his powdered milk, which Monster may have taken by mistake, but he was really a coward and Monster was dominating him whilst hardly saying a word. He was slightly shorter than Monster and chunky in his sweater and blue-stripped prison shirt, but the chunk was flab not muscle, it gave Monster the impression that he had fattened himself up for prison rather than worked out. Monster couldn’t eat the food in front of him because he was antagonised, he played with it with his fork in a meditational way rather like the food represented the interplay of ideas, pushing a thought of a carrot up hill, he was too wired to eat. The pad mate made a show of wolfing the food down from the tray in front of him, he even licked it. Monster looked at him then spat on his food to ensure the bag of yeast would not ask for his food, which traditionally he would to ensure his dominance. I think that rather sealed it for him, I did not fail to notice the look that flicked across his face.

Having finished the meal as far as he was concerned, Monster put the tray next to the door and got on to the top bunk and continued his studying of a book on the rise to power of the Nazis, making notes on blue prison letter paper. He was sitting upright with his hand out on the knitted green blanket with its many holes and long history of desperate spunk stains. The pad mate got up and rang the prison bell with his tray in his hands. Monster had known what was coming and prepared for it, this really was a very cowardly act. My Monster self got ready to block a tray with his arm, I touched the ghost scar on the side of my head.

I watched as a ghost. I had to wince at the next bit I knew was coming, this discomfort showed itself as a cramp in my wings, which I could however not stretch in the confines of a cell, as much as I existed in that dimension. I decided I would not intervene in this particular experience, as it was very positive for my future good opinion, however it was rather unfortunate that Monster was interestedly reading about the rise of German fascism, this would be bound to exert its influence in a negative way.

The door opened and two large prison officers were there looking smart and officious in their uniforms, our own uniforms didn’t fit and were worn. “What do you want?” asked one rather nicely.

The pad mate’s face reddened and there were tears in his eyes. Monster tensed. To me as a ghost, I imagined a short man with a large red beetroot hovering instead of a head, I would of liked to bite a chunk out of it, besides being only slightly partial to beetroot.

“ I want to move from this cell”, he said. “My pad mates a thief!” He cried launching the tray at Monster’s solid head.

An arm went up almost casually to absorb the blow, but, unexpectedly he grabbed the arm and went flying with the tray again. Fountains of blood leapt from Monster’s bald skinhead. In a wonderful display of adaptability, I knew my solid self was enjoying the flow and the pain, almost in a reciprocal relationship with metal. Monster dropped from the bunk and the retard dropped the tray, the thud of Monster’s feet and the clang of the tray answering each other. Monster thumped him continuously and he answered back with weak, but wide swings that Monster easily blocked, Monster enjoyed it with the blood increasing his power, as the beetroot took a beating in the heady flow of blood, getting marked and thumped with gratuitous feeling of hitting a piece of vege. Two fingers went to the eyes ‘so that’s were that move came from’. Then the prison officers grabbed the beetroot and wrestled him to the ground outside the cell. As Monster was grabbed, he kicked the prone body in the balls several times feeling every inch the powerful fascist. The prison officers who had arrived on the scene dragged Monster away with respectful looks.

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