Jonathan Cottam - The Urban Book of the Dead

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Urban Book of the dead is my second book to be published, after 'The Unrequited Zombie'. It is a rather less experimental work, though still unusual, vivid, and descriptive. I would describe the book as both psychedelic and surreal, being rather pedantic about the use of those two words. That is, if it were surreal I would be dealing with a psychological work, something that looked towards expanding knowledge of the Id, that primitive part of our nature that is repressed by social conventions and the need to plan to get what we want. It is, in that it is self gratifying without recourse to opinion, it is every animalistic urge that can only be released through art, because to do it any other way would have terrible repercussions. Having said that, next to my early work, it is not particularly arty or deep. It is psychedelic because it looks to reaching a higher consciousness by through creativity, to reach a state beyond the normal level of seeing things, it is also psychedelic and surreal in the commonly understood sense, it is 'trippy' and sometimes deals with drugs. It starts like this… "I floated above my body, I was a bubble fit to burst, I squeezed and struggled with my form, my clothes gripping and distorting my figure with their relative solidity, were the same ghost like material as the rest of me. Down below my face stared back at me; distorted and grotesque as the spirit shapes on the bark of trees, I felt my ghost face and it was etched there too, deforming me, chiselled by a million molecules of heroin, I had my wings, hung as from a pin, spread and feathered, and spanning the whole nicotine ceiling. I stared at the blue marbled arm; growing out like the gnarled branch of a tree, the fingers gesturing me towards it, and hanging from it, the syringe full of bubbles, blood and a quicksand of powdered death whirling like a vortex. A spoon lay on the floor and a small bit of cigarette filter in it, all having served a purely symbolic process. It seemed years of injecting powders and stuff flicked down to a dirty lemonade had paid off, perhaps a bubble could kill you after all." The book is I think taking one thing at least to a new level in literature, egomania. That is because the concept of the book is I the authors fight with god who is defeated, whilst at the same time dealing with my real life struggles as I go back through things that really actually happened to me in my drug filled and violent life as a drug dealer and through prison etcetera, and, changing them. I say egomania but again I mean the Id, the ego compromises, the Id does not. It is a very angry book because I am taking back the control that was taken from me, in that, to a very large extent I did not choose my life but it was forced on me, as with all the mishaps of all my dead friends who did not survive, through suicide, alcoholism, heroin overdose and murder. Enter God. God then is a symbol for society, capitalism, and the state, and also, plain bad luck. So is God then not God, is the book not satanic? My interest in black magic personally does not extend to believing in it, or God in any accepted sense either. I believe in magic as will, that Hitler could gain power through will is magic, that people can realise the future not through clairvoyance but precognition, taking in the world around them and understanding consciously or unconsciously where it is all going to lead, that kind of magic I believe, the other sort I only have a fair knowledge of as an interest and I am not a Satanist, that would be a misplacement of effort. "The noise got louder, but lower, rather than higher, so it travelled further and vibrated the walls. Crack's appeared in the walls in the form of a hundred distorted faces of people I had known, adventured and suffered with. A fragment of glass from a picture of 'Judith with the head of Hollerfernes' hit me in my eye, almost bursting my substance, which it settled in like a bloody monocle, magnifying the African tribal Fang mask in the centre of the wall, with its pale long wooden nose and owl like brow, its jutting chin; appeared to grow eyes that searched with the deepest hideous depth around my room and the dead body of me whose 'nakedness' I wanted to cover from the gaze. The mask bowed and came out of the wall, after it a huge body wearing the blue pinstripes of my wall paper and looking every bit the business man, come to settle my accounts, I was not about to make it easy. The scrambled voices became one, the word "Jonathan!" boomed. This was God, this was the confrontation I had been waiting for my whole life." The meaning of that is obvious in the pinstriped suit I think, but also a little later the meaning and symbolism is made totally obvious. "God spoke "I am the unity, I am the morals and the law, think like me and my triumphs will be your triumphs because there will be no difference, surrender all self generated thought of conflict, all difference is imaginary, it is not held and is alien to mind." I replied simply, my head turned to him from my place on the ceiling, "I am my desire." -A little later it gets really obvious. "With haste I flew forward and stabbed God in the eyes with my fingers, which flattened against the harder substance of Gods eyes, I cried out "This is for poverty, this is for the atomisation of life, this is for your prisons and the police, for all my friends who are lost yet alive, and all those you sent to hell which is a place on Earth. This is for everything." Soon events from the past unfold, and people I knew come into the picture such as Jay. Jay was a traveller; that is he moved from town to town, lived rough and begged. He had the unnerving attribute of being both friendly, warm, and a complete psychopath, loyal and perverse, he was a real good character for a book. I meet Jay again fishing in Hell. "I dropped my line in the molten lead from my rod. Immediately the rod bent almost double, despite its thickness. It pulled so hard I estimated that what ever was on the end must have been over two hundred pounds. I reeled in my rod and a giant fish splashed on the end of it, it looked like some kind of gigantic roach, its tail splashing molten lead at me as its body curved in the waves trying to get away. I landed the fish in the boat and it suffocated there its mouth open and body heaving, I marvelled at the square scales on its silver body, bigger than my hands. As I stood fascinated, the body of the fish, distorted as if something inside was trying to push its way out, a fist punched its way through, then two hands, pulled the fish apart, then before me was the crouched naked body of Jay, covered in a stinky fish slime, he held his nose and spoke nasally. "Hello Monster!" he said smoothly. Jay stood up tall, rocking only slightly; and threw chunks of fish in the water, now without the protection of its tough outer layers, the bits of fish flamed up as they entered the sea, with puffs of flame and billows of smoke. He held the rest of the carcass above his head, his arms at full length, and chucked that in after it; there was a huge flaming that threatened to engulf the boat, but it went out fast. I was pleased to see Jay, I had him picked out as my right hand man, there was something about him that persuaded you to trust him at the same time as acknowledging he wasn't entirely trust worthy, a slightly sly warmth, a look in the eyes that said he was tough and dependable, but somehow self centred. But, however he was useful, very handy; a good person to know. I asked a searching question. "How are you here? As far as I know you're still alive." Jay looked at me long and hard "Doesn't bloody look like it does it Monster. In Hell as well. What did I do to deserve that? A few fights, drug dealing, a couple of rich burglaries, fucking a tree on LSD, underage sex and a sexual assault in McDonalds that was nothing but feeling some ones leg, and I'm in Hell." Yes, he was really like that and he did all those things. The character of Jay is a rich part of the book, to which I am indebted to knowing him, not that many people will ever read it, but I live to write, quite literally. Another theme of the book is the yearning for togetherness, community, against the very real need for individuality, adventure and subjectivity. The two themes run through every religion, philosophy and form of politics to a varying degree of scientific application. It is not as simple as one or the other and both sides in the book take both approaches. There is no answer in human nature between the two, it is irreconcilable and all we can do is draw attention theoretically to the issue between fascism and anarchism, individuality and togetherness, though we do find more honest and liveable conditions in libertarianism than dictatorial politics. The problem between wanting togetherness and a shared identity, but being repulsed at having to give up subjectivity so pervades the book that many characters rebel against the human form, whilst not giving up the need for community, and become many headed monsters. But, the book insists, the need for adventure is the unifying theory that makes sense of our misery and creates a symbiosis between the conflicting forces. "As the ship rowed closer I realised it was the rule of these creatures, my brave men which is what they were, to reject the human form given by God for those of their own imagination, and to conjoin like the ultimate pack of animals, or; what I had seen in human riots when a crowd does indeed become a single and very different animal than the sum of its parts. I saw men who had formed their joints together to form the bodies of double kneed, twelve-foot men with two heads. Two had done that. The dragon with seven necks and six heads was also there, waiting in futility for my strange communion, for I was still attached to the human form, it still represented for me a thing of beauty and free autonomy." The book is all about conflict, but as Buddhists say, all conflict is imaginary, so I think, we are all in a state of symbiosis in a world where assistance between organisms is the norm even when it appears in the form of its opposite. That's all I want to say about the book.

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Preparing for what I had to say I asked “Do you still see APE?”

Jay looked sad “Ahh, ‘Anarchy, Peace and Ecstasy’ dead in a toilet, heroin overdose, most people we knew are dead, I hope I’m not, sounds like and adventure though, better than travelling.”

He looked straight at me “What really happened Monster, then we can change it.” He lit the spliff, and then passed it straight to me. Almost touching my hand he said “We went round to the Irish, soon after you had broke their window. Was it the Irish?”

“No. You know who it was.” I replied sternly.

Jay continued “Was it the Carters. You got some of your gear there.”

“No. It wasn’t” I looked straight at Jay, “You were going to get me a gun Jay.”

I passed the spliff to Jay, he smiled “Why did you want the gun?”

“Don’t you know?” I asked, calm, quiet, friendly and with complicity.

“You never said.” The conversation passed back and forth.

Me “That’s not what I meant, didn’t you know?”

Jay “I can’t remember.”

Me “It was because of what happened to Jane, I let it go after that, because she came to see me. Jane was raped and I was going to kill them, I was fucked anyway, thought I was fucked for good.”

Jay “So you think it was them?”

Me “This is just a little thing Jay, much worse things happened than this, before all this.”

Jay “And you never want to discuss it again.”

Me “Not here and now, maybe not ever.”

Jay “So you hocked you’re records with Alex, you got acid from mad Willy, the crazy black guy who thought he had a pig in his belly, you went up to the top flat and you got whiz from Lynn, no doubt passing some big muscular guy in the process and going over the open landing like a draw bridge, that legend has it many people have dropped to their deaths from. After having already had a bad day and a conversation with a police woman you should never, never of had, paranoid because your getting a gun and hunting some very bad people down, and then we deliberately send you on a bad trip, but as you say, worse things have happened.”

A determined anger was gripping me “You know all that, it’s as good as said, I think I should go back there at the point it went wrong, and change the outcome, after leaving. We can blame the state, capitalism or God, they are all one and the same to me, read, they are all one and the same, I don’t discern any difference. I blame the general not the particular. The particular is only a special breed of the general.”

Jay’s body started to fade; he looked down at himself and held his still solid hands up, “Looks like I have to go!” He smiled. His hands so white were the last thing to disappear.

A vortex like a tornado of light came into existence after Jay disappeared; I stepped into it and directed my self where I wanted to go. I travelled down my time line and I saw the past fly threw me. Each time I was in my own body. I felt the effects of chasing the dragon, as I came round at a friends flat, my hands stuffed down my pants I became hazily aware I was watching morning television, then on the television came Bruce Lee, then it was me on the television fighting a gang of Asians their car stopped in the middle of the road where I had drunkenly swore at them, the words “I’m not racist but…” spoke in my head, then I was fighting a gang of kids after I had beaten their leader, blocking and punching untouchably, I was down on the floor my jumper over my head being kicked as I drummed ones head into the pavement. I saw a drunk man with a Stanley knife trying to steel food at my flat, I hit him, then I was at his house meeting his wife and many children. A policeman tried to arrest me for theft of a traffic cone that was propping shut my door, and I put it on my head and laughed “Ne, na, ne, na” I went, and the sound followed me as I ran down the street with Alex, running from Pizza Hut without paying, I could feel pizza and bottles of cider rumbling in my belly, hear Alex shout “Monster!” as she was caught, I remembered to go back to the police station to pick her up, remembering to pick up the gift cannabis plant I had hidden in the bin on the way, at the station, the police officer so dead pan “Is that a cannabis plant?”, this all happened in the time it takes to tell it, I stopped off at the right point, though I could of drifted all day.

I will refer to my self as ‘Monster’ during the whole of the next episode to delineate the difference between ‘I’ the ghost and ‘I’ the historical entity.

I was back at the Avenham flat, plastic litre bottles on the floor are washed up messages from the twilight zone, washed up on a beach of ash as no one uses the ashtrays, or they just use empty beer cans that again end up on the floor. There are actual foot prints in the ash. The bottles have tried to make the evolutionary step and walk, they have lungs, and they are called lungs. The bottoms are cut off and plastic bags cello taped to them to push in and fill up with cannabis smoke. The room is long for a council high rise, there is room for an old sofa at the back, that is probably a death trap from the seventies, striped white and orange and so long there is plenty of room for the bearded hippy lying there to stretch out with an orange cushion on his head, the cushion matches the curtains. So does the hippy’s beard. There are several other chairs where you would strategically place them near a glass coffee table in a large room. The coffee table has a bong, pipes made out of cardboard tubes, one of which Jay was lighting, several cans and ash trays.

Monster was tripping, four grams of speed and four tabs of LSD running through his system. Monster studied his hands in the air seeing burning. I closed my eyes momentarily and cried dryly, covering my face with my wings, I again opened my eyes, a white feathery gauze beautifying reality, not wanting to see things the way they were.

Monster looked from his hands to Alex standing near the door; she was so young then in her snaky dreadlocks and army jacket. “I keep thinking I’m burned Alex.” He said begging. Deliberate scares from all concerned were sending him over the edge.

Jesus the hippy was lying on the sofa covering his face with a cushion, Jay; and Biggles; who is dark skinned, in an unavoidable Nosferatu stance because of his great height, his long boots going right up his legs; walked up to him making prints in the ash with their boots, “Wake up Jesus!” shouted Jay, playfully, but with an unmistakable edge in his voice. Jesus got up and took the cushion away, tears dripping from his beard, his face red, “He’s my friend!” shouted Jesus.

How fast can a thought be thought; how long does it take to create a reality. In a split second Monster new that he had been set up, that he had been burnt and he looked at Alex in the door way and saw her as Jane crying, he grabbed her to protect her his voice cried “Ohh”, then Alex was Alex again but a look of astonishment on her face, and then looked away angrily, with the stare of hate she had been giving him all night.

Monster went for the second door way in the hall and Alex followed him there. My wings were restless, I had to keep rustling them, they wanted to intervene or take flight, they kept moving, wanting to push themselves in the scene, working automatically from own deep desire. Monster was still not sure Alex was Alex, or if she was he wanted her out of there. “Come with me Alex.” My self ‘Monster’ said to Alex in the outer doorway. Alex hesitated, she took two steps forward and one back, Monster turned and left.

He made his way down the steps of the flats, five floors, and ten landings. I chased after him my wings dragging on the steps, I had a metallic taste in my mouth from running, I shouted but it was like my mouth was clogged with blood, blood and my own feathers, I couldn’t breathe. My diaphragm heaved, he was getting ahead of me disappearing from sight, but I heard the steps fading in the distance.

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