Jill Steeples - Desperately Seeking Heaven

‘Do I have to come?’

I’d pulled the car over into side of the road where I’d stopped only yesterday, not knowing at that point my life was about to take such a weirdly unexpected turn. In the half-light, the field gave no clue to the horrors it had witnessed, but the stillness that had been so apparent in daylight only seemed magnified in the eerie twilight.

‘Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you have to come. What would be the point in me going on my own? It’s you that we’re trying to get despatched, after all.’

Jimmy winced, looking at me through narrowed eyes and I immediately regretted my choice of words. To be honest, I wanted nothing more than to turn around and take him home to the safety of my flat, but I knew that wouldn’t have helped either of us.

‘I’m just not sure this is a good idea, that’s all. For God’s sake, Alice, this is where it all happened. I really don’t think I need to be re-visiting the scene of my death. It’s too soon, it’s not natural.’

I turned my head to look at him and he grasped my hand, as though it were the most natural thing in the world, our fingers instantly interlocking.

‘I know this is difficult, Jimmy, but you being stuck in this state of limbo isn’t natural either. I’m worried for you. This has been devastating for everyone concerned, but we can’t change what’s happened. What we can do is try our hardest to make sure you end up where you should be and I’m pretty certain that isn’t meant to be in my little flat. You should be out there,’ I pointed into the distance through the windscreen, ‘with your own… your own type.’

I cringed. He cringed. There was no easy way to say these things.

‘You make it sound so very appealing.’ He laughed, tipping his head back on the car seat. His strongly defined jawline, the tilt of his chin, the tiny dimple at the corner of his mouth were highlighted in profile, making my heart twist with longing.

‘Come on,’ he said, leaning over and tracing a finger down the length of my cheek. ‘Let’s get this over with then.’

Outside the sky had darkened further and I dug my hands into my jacket pockets wondering why I’d ever thought this was a good idea. An icy chill ran down the length of my body as my eyes searched out the spot where the wreckage had strewn the countryside.

‘At least the car has gone now.’

‘Yeah, I really loved that car,’ he said wistfully. ‘I’d only had it three months. Just had it valeted too. Still, I don’t suppose I’d have much use for it now.’

‘Don’t think about it,’ I said feeling guilty that I was putting him through such an ordeal. ‘It was over here.’ I led him by the hand across the uneven ground, trying to work out the least hazardous path in the darkness. ‘I don’t suppose you have a torch with you, do you?’

‘Oh yes, I have one right here in my jacket pocket,’ he said tightly. ‘No, Alice, I do not have a torch with me.’

‘All right, it was just an idea. Look we’re here now anyway. You can see the flattened grass. See.’ I bent down, sweeping my palm across the ground.

‘Great. Brings back such happy memories.’ Jimmy wrapped his arms around his chest looking totally disinterested. ‘So what do you suggest we do now then?’

‘I think we need to take a moment of silent reflection. Give thanks for your life and then ask our spirit friends to guide you on your way.’

Jimmy sniggered, looking around him.

‘Well, all those other dudes obviously forgot to turn up. Perhaps they took the date down wrong in their diaries.’

‘Oh come on, Jimmy, it isn’t funny. You have to want to do this. It has to be worth a try.’

I grabbed his hands in mine, closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.

‘Friends, spirits…

‘Countrymen!’ interrupted Jimmy.

‘Stop it!’ I hissed. ‘We come in peace and friendship. We give thanks for the life of Jimmy Mack who has now sadly departed from the physical realm. Please help us guide Jimmy to his rightful place in the universe.’ I offered his hands up to the night sky. I knew the wording wasn’t spot on, but I just hoped someone somewhere would get the gist.

We stood there in the increasing cold a moment or two longer, before he dropped his hands to his sides.

‘Nice try, Alice, and I do appreciate all the trouble you’ve gone to, but really this isn’t going to work. Can we go home, please? I’m freezing cold, hungry and tired. I can think of much better ways we could be spending our time.’

His gaze skittered over my face, and I wasn’t sure about any of those other spirits, but mine plummeted to the floor. Tears gathered in my eyes. What had I been thinking? Jimmy was right, this was never going to work and yet he’d been lovely enough to humour me and see this whole ridiculous escapade through to the end.

‘Yes, I suppose you’re right,’ I sighed, defeated. ‘We’ll go. This is obviously not the way to do it, but there’ll be another way. I promise you.’

Just as we turned to go, I spotted the lights in the distance. Vast bright white lights approaching at a steady pace, searching us out, the accompanying growling rumble growing louder and louder. I shielded my eyes with my arm from the dazzling glare, the vibrations from the craft reaching my shivering body.

‘See, what did I tell you! Look! They’ve come for you, Jimmy. They’ve come for you.’ Our eyes locked together and in that moment I realised however important it was for Jimmy to find his spiritual home, I didn’t want him to go. Not yet. I’d only just met him, but in some ways it felt as if I’d known him a lifetime. And that wasn’t nearly enough time. There was so much I still needed to know. The fact that I wanted him to stay, wanted more of him, filled me with fear. Why did I feel this way about a ghostly stranger? It didn’t make any sense.

Emotion prickled through my entire body as I grabbed hold of his hand. The enormity of the situation was clearly too much for him as well as his whole body rocked with something approaching hysteria as he gasped to find the words.

‘It’sOK, it’s OK,’ I soothed, stroking his arm.

The craft shuddered to a halt in front of us and a door flew open, a man in an all-in-one suit leaping down onto the ground.

‘What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing? In my bloody field! There’s nothing to see here. The party’s over. Now clear off!’ he yelled.

I looked across at Jimmy who, doubled up with mirth, was no use whatsoever. Making abject apologies to the tractor driver, the ghost and I sprinted back to the car.

OK so Plan A may have been a major fail, but I was certain that there were dozens of other options we could try and in the meantime it wouldn’t be too much of a hardship sharing the flat with Jimmy.

He was well-mannered, domesticated and easy on the eye. I’d had worse house guests.

As long as Jimmy obeyed a few simple house rules then I couldn’t foresee any problems. And the first and most important rule on the list, not to turn up unexpected when I was out doing other stuff, I reminded him of on Monday morning as I was getting ready to go to work.

‘Now remember, you can’t just turn up at work, showing off your fancy magic tricks. I have a very important job to do and I really don’t need the distraction of you popping up in the middle of an important board meeting.’

‘Wow,’ he said, letting out a slow whistle as his gaze travelled the length of my body taking in my grey slub silk pencil skirt and matching jacket. His eyes lingered on my ankles and black patent court shoes. ‘You look pretty hot in all that office gear. Kind of severe and buttoned up, but I like that.’ He raised his eyebrows approvingly and I turned away trying to hide the fetching pink patches of embarrassment that were now adorning my cheeks. Jimmy Mack had a reputation as a flirt, only I would never have believed he’d be practising his skills on me. ‘Very nice indeed,’ he added.