Jill Steeples - Desperately Seeking Heaven

‘No turning up at the wrong times, Jimmy. Are you listening to me?’ I asked, picking up my keys from the hall table, trying to ignore the warm fuzzy feeling his attention provoked.

‘Yeah, yeah, don’t worry, I’ll be as good as gold. I promise. I’ve plenty to be getting on with here anyway.’

‘Good.’ I said, on my way out. ‘I’ll see you later then.’

‘Yeah, you have a good day at the office, sweetie!’

‘Morning, Alice, good weekend?’

Simon, my boss had his sleeves rolled up and two empty coffee cups on his desk suggesting he’d already been in at work for at least a couple of hours.

‘Yes, great,’ I said opting for the sanitised version, not the ‘ oh my God, a ghost moved into my flat, you might know him, he just happens to be a celebrity, and we spent the rest of the weekend trying to get rid of him again’ version. Although that might have been fun just to see the look on Simon’s face.

‘Good, good,’ he said distracted. ‘I’m in meetings for the best part of the day, but I’ve sent you a few tasks to your inbox if you could look at those for me. Oh, and you’ll need to schedule in a meeting with Roger Carter. Damon Mitchell has been in this morning to hand in his resignation so I’ll need to chat through with Roger the likely ramifications.’

‘Really?’ I said, completely taken aback by the pang of disappointment the news elicited within me.

‘Yep. Didn’t see that one coming. He’s our best salesman by a long chalk. I’m sorry to lose him, but he wasn’t going to be bought off. He’s leaving to start his own business, apparently. Landscape Gardening. At least he’s not going to one of our competitors. That would have really pissed me off.’

‘I’ll be sad to see him go,’ I admitted, trying to wrestle the idea of the super-smooth salesman I knew giving up the suave designer suits for his wellies and the outdoor life.

‘Me too,’ Simon said, as he turned to leave my office. ‘I’ll catch up with you at lunchtime if there’s anything important.’

I realised with a thud that I’d miss seeing Damon about the place. His smiling face popping around my office door always lifted my spirits; he was funny, delightfully indiscreet and yet always seemed genuinely pleased to see me, his cheeky banter never seeming intrusive only affectionate.

I hated change, any kind of change, and all of a sudden everything in my life seemed to be shifting like the earth’s plates creating imperceptible but far-reaching consequences.

Decisively, I clicked on my inbox, moving emails into folders, checking off tasks, my mind operating on autopilot. I glanced at my watch. It was two hours since I’d left Jimmy on his own and my attempts at not thinking about him were clearly failing. I’d been scared I might conjure him up in my office and I certainly didn’t need that kind of distraction, but with him constantly in my thoughts and the news of Damon’s departure rattling around in my head, it was almost impossible to concentrate on anything else.

What was Jimmy up to, I wondered, a lonely spirit navigating a hostile world.

I’d once signed up to an online dating agency so I had a small idea how that felt, but however much I tried to imagine myself in Jimmy’s shoes, I couldn’t. It was too awful even to contemplate. How must he be feeling with no one to talk to or confide in? I only hoped he wouldn’t do anything silly in my absence, but even that thought was ridiculous. He was hardly about to throw himself off a bridge or under a train. The worst had already happened.

Even so when I walked back through my front door that night, it was a huge relief to find that Jimmy was still there and to be greeted by the most delightful cooking smells wafting from the kitchen was an added bonus.

‘Ah, you’re home! Good day?’ Jimmy welcomed me from the kitchen doorway wearing black chinos, a tightly fitted white T-shirt, my pinny and a big grin. Simple but dazzlingly effective. He looked as if could have just wandered off a film set, the sight sending a ripple of excitement fizzing along the length of my body. His gaze appraised me and his mouth parted as if he were about to say something before he obviously thought better of it.

‘New clothes?’ I asked, dropping my gaze. Either that or he must have had an account with a Chinese laundry somewhere.

‘My old clothes,’ he said, matter-of-factly.

‘Really? What, did you go back for them or something?’

‘No. I got them sent over,’ he said casually, as if this was indeed the Heavenly Hilton. My brow furrowed in confusion as I looked for clarification. ‘I couldn’t stay in those old things, the whiff of diesel and cow pats wasn’t a great combination so I, um, willed them over,’ he added. ‘A new start and everything.’

‘You willed them over?’ I gave a nervous giggle. ‘How did you do that exactly?’

Jimmy laughed too, turning his attention back to the frying pan.

‘Well, I’m not sure about the technicalities but in the same way that I can transport myself from one place to another, I can do the same thing with projecting an alternative form of myself. This is my casual weekend look,’ he said with a wry grin. ‘Do you like it?’

‘I do,’ I said, sounding like a star-struck fan, but still struggling to get my head round what he was telling me. ‘So you don’t actually change your clothes at all. I’m just seeing what, a different version of you?’

‘You got it!’ he said, as though that was a perfectly reasonable explanation. If it wasn’t for the seriously impressive magic tricks then it would have been easy to forget that Jimmy was a ghost. He was such a vibrant, larger-than-life force occupying my flat and now my head and part of my heart too.

‘Something smells good.’ My nostrils picked out the aromas of garlic, tomatoes and onions. ‘You didn’t need to go to all this trouble.’

‘It’s the least I could do after everything you’ve done for me. It’s just pasta with a tomato sauce. I hope that’s OK?’

‘Sounds perfect,’ I said, accepting the glass of chilled white sparkling wine he was offering. Our glasses chinked, our eyes meeting as we took a sip together, the bubbles on my tongue matching my own fizzing excitement. ‘What about you? How was your day?’

‘Yeah, not bad. Although I missed you, Alice.’ His expression was deadly serious, but his eyes twinkled with mischievousness. ‘I did a bit of cleaning.’ He gestured around him at the gleaming surfaces. ‘I hope you don’t mind?’

‘No.’ I shook my head in amazement. ‘Anytime you get the urge, you go straight ahead.’ I laughed, feeling a pang of guilt that he’d had to resort to getting the duster out. I couldn’t see him sticking out this new role for long. Going from being a feted celebrity to my domestic lackey didn’t seem like the best career move in the world.

In my own flat, I felt redundant wondering what I should do next. I looked around at the uncharacteristically spotless living room and settled myself on the sofa, trying not to mess up the careful display of cushions. For some reason, I felt vaguely nervous as though I was waiting for a job interview.

‘Can I help at all?’ It was a half-hearted offer, but one that went a small way to making me feel better. I slipped off my shoes and kicked them under the coffee table, trying for relaxed.

‘No,’ he said, turning and giving me an indulgent smile. ‘It’s all under control. Just sit back and enjoy.’

‘So where did you learn to cook then?’ I asked a bit later, when we were sat at the table tucking eagerly into the tagliatelle. I hadn’t realised how hungry I was.

‘At uni. I had a few months living off pot noodles, and then decided, for the sake of my health, I needed to learn a few basic dishes that included some green stuff. Thinking about it, I needn’t have worried. Could have stuffed myself silly with burgers, fries and beers.’ He gave a wry shrug. ‘Funny how you spend a lot of time sparing yourself for the future when in a lot of cases there won’t be a future. Let that be a lesson to you, Alice.’ He pointed a friendly finger my way ‘Get out there and live your life to the full, young lady. And eat as many burgers and fries as you want to.’