Jill Steeples - Desperately Seeking Heaven

‘You have a thing for Barney Roberts?’ Jimmy spat the words out as he ran his hands through his hair, looking indignant. ‘Please tell me it isn’t true. Really Alice, if you knew him, you’d never think that way. The guy’s a complete loser. What on earth would you see in him?’

I shrugged helplessly, giving up the search for something placatory to say.

Lexie though was in full-on swooning mode, as she examined her fingernails, deep in thought.

‘Oh yes. He’s hot. Mmm, mmm. Young and sexy. A bit dangerous too. I like that in a man. You know, that whole bad boy unpredictable thing.’ She shivered exaggeratedly as if imagining unimaginable things with Barney.

Jimmy shook his head, tutting.

‘What is this? The Barney Roberts Appreciation Society?’

‘Come on,’ I said, finding my voice at last, eager to separate the pair of them and lower the sizzling temperature within the flat, ‘let’s get going, before it gets too busy out there.’

I gave Jimmy a furtive little wave, then slammed the door shut on him and the flat for a few hours, grateful for a little respite from the huge problem that had bulldozed into my life. I took a deep breath. I would deal with it all later. Maybe by the time I got home, Jimmy would have received a communication from the powers upstairs.

Three hours, a lot of walking and four carrier bags, all belonging to Lexie, later, we settled at a pavement table outside a bustling cafe on the High Street. It was bright and the cold pinched my skin, but as the sun was making such a valiant attempt at breaking through the clouds, the least we felt we could do was make the most of the uncharacteristically good weather.

‘You sure you’re okay?’ She asked through narrowed eyes. ‘You seem, I don’t know, a bit distracted, that’s all.’

I smiled wryly. The distractions were everywhere, but what could I possibly tell her?

I’d been determined to forget about Jimmy for a few hours at least, but that was proving impossible. Every newsstand, every paper, every television shop we passed in the street served as a reminder that I hadn’t dreamt the whole mind-blowing episode up. Jimmy Mack was dead and for reasons that I couldn’t entirely fathom, he’d decided to make a detour on his way to the other side and camp out at my place for a while.

‘Well, you seem a bit on edge, a bit strung out. You need to relax. Get out and enjoy yourself a bit more.’

I raised my eyebrows. She’d be strung out if her new lodger was a ghost. That sort of thing takes some getting used to.

Besides, I knew from experience exactly what Lexie had in mind when she talked about me enjoying myself more. I braced myself.

‘I mean, how long has it been now, since Mike?’

She knew just as well as I did, but I humoured her.

‘Oh about three years, I suppose.’ Three years, six months and four days to be precise. Not that I was counting.

‘Exactly! Far too long. You need to get out there, move on, make a life for yourself.’

‘I have a life, thank you very much,’ I said, lowering my voice as I noticed the guy on the next table beginning to take an unnatural interest in our conversation.

‘Yeah, but when was the last time you went out on a date? With a guy, I mean?’

‘Hmm, well, that’s what usually happens on a date, isn’t it? You go out with a guy.’ The pot of sugars on the table suddenly seemed very appealing. I picked up a bunch and turned them over in my fingers. ‘And I’ve been out on lots of dates, it’s just that I’ve never wanted to see any of them again.’

‘Too fussy, that’s your problem. You’re waiting for your soul mate to fall out of the sky, but that’s never going to happen, Alice. Life isn’t a romantic novel, you know.’

I couldn’t help smiling, especially after yesterday. Stranger things had definitely happened.

‘You’ve got to give guys a chance,’ she went on. ‘Get to know them. They’re not all like Mike, you know. There are some decent ones out there.’

What she meant was that they weren’t all two-timing, lying little toe-rags like my ex. That was maybe the case, although I wasn’t still entirely convinced on that point, but I really didn’t have the time or the inclination to get involved with anyone at the moment. Besides entertaining the idea of a boyfriend was out of the question now. I had an unexpected house guest to look after.

‘Maybe,’ I said, unable to hide my scepticism, ‘but you can’t force these things. If it’s meant to happen it will.’

Leaving it to fate, I’d decided, was a much better option than road-testing a whole string of Mr Maybe’s, Mr Highly Unlikely’s and Mr Downright Unsuitable’s.

Just then a jet of cold air whooshed around my neck and whipped up my trouser legs.

‘Not interrupting anything, am I?’

‘Oh my God!’ I jumped in my seat knocking the remains of my cappuccino over the small table. Wildly, I looked around, half expecting the entire High Street to be looking my way, but there was only Lexie who was observing me oddly.

‘See, just look at you. You’re so uptight and edgy.’ She made a half-hearted attempted at mopping up the coffee with some paper napkins. ‘What on earth’s the matter with you?’

At least Jimmy had the grace to look sheepish.

‘You don’t mind if I join you?’ he said, slipping into the chair beside me, not looking remotely interested in my answer.

‘Nothing,’ I said to Lexie, my gaze scouring the neighbouring tables to see if anybody had noticed the arrival of Jimmy Mack, but there wasn’t a flicker of interest from any quarter. I was slowly coming to terms with the weird fact that Jimmy was visible only to me.

‘I thought I felt something on my arm, something crawly,’ I said, trying to keep the hysteria from my voice. ‘Must have imagined it!’

When Jimmy shuffled his chair closer to mine I noticed Lexie’s incredulous gaze settle on his ghostly form. For a split second I thought we were busted, but quickly realised it wasn’t Jimmy she was seeing, but the chair, seemingly moving of its own accord. Swiftly I hooked my foot around the leg of the chair and yanked it frantically from side to side.

‘There! I told you. It was a spider. Got it,’ I said, with a triumphant sigh, screwing my foot into the ground.

Lexie’s brow furrowed and her mouth twisted in disbelief at my suspect behaviour. When she stood up, shaking her head, I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

‘I’m just popping to the loo, and then we’ll go shall we? Before we get thrown out of this place.’

I nodded with an apologetic smile and picked up my handbag, turning my attention to Jimmy as soon as Lexie had left.

‘You gave me the fright of my life popping up like that.’ I was doing my best impression of a ventriloquist for the benefit of the man on the next table. ‘You could have given me some warning,’ I hissed. ‘What did you expect me to say?’

‘Sorry,’ he laughed, ‘but you have to remember I’m finding my way around this whole thing too. I didn’t realise I could transport myself from one place to the other just by the power of thought. Look at this,’ he said, sounding unnecessarily excited.

‘Abracadabra!’ He waved his arms in the air with a dramatic flourish before disappearing into thin air and reappearing over the other side of the patio area, squeezed between two fat ladies enjoying a morning croissant. He gave me a little wave, before repeating his magic chant.

‘That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?’ He popped up again beside me. ‘Obviously I don’t need to say “Abracadabra” but I think it brings a certain “je ne sais quoi” to the overall effect, don’t you?’

‘Very clever,’ I said, feeling secretly impressed and annoyed all at the same time. I still wasn’t entirely convinced I wasn’t having hallucinations. ‘How did you know where to find me though?’