Jill Steeples - Desperately Seeking Heaven

‘I didn’t. I was just thinking about you. It was pretty lonely cooped up in that flat of yours and I was wondering when you’d be back and then suddenly whoosh and I was here.’ He laughed, obviously reliving the moment.

‘God, that is pretty freaky, but I suppose it has its benefits. Saves all that hassle of getting on buses and tubes,’ I joked.

‘Yeah,’ he said, pulling a sad face. ‘The only downside is you have to be dead to qualify for the perk. Might be a bit of a drastic move just to avoid the rush-hour traffic. Mind if I help myself to one of these biscuits?’

I watched as he greedily devoured not one, but the three remaining biscuits on the plate, the man on the next table spluttering over his coffee as the biscuits evaporated into thin air.

‘Mmm, lovely,’ I said, smiling sweetly, making exaggerated chewing motions in an attempt to cover up Jimmy’s greediness, before twisting my chair and turning my back on the man sitting beside us.

‘That’s seriously weird,’ I said to Jimmy, watching him as if I’d never seen someone eating before.

‘Huh?’ he asked, through a mouthful of crumbs.

‘How you have to do the whole eating and drinking and sleeping thing. I thought… well, you don’t expect…’ My voice trailed away at the ridiculousness of this conversation.

‘What? All those other ghosts you’ve met haven’t needed to do that then? Well, I must be special.’ With his grey eyes wide with devilment and a smile hovering on his lips, there was no way I could disagree on that fact.

‘Well, it doesn’t happen in the films,’ I said, determined not to be distracted by his obscenely good looks.

‘This isn’t a film, Alice. This is your terrifying new reality.’ He chuckled and lent over blowing a kiss on my nose. ‘I wonder if it’s because I haven’t passed over yet. I guess all this wafting around in no man’s land requires a certain amount of energy. Once I get over to the other side I’m sure this whole maintenance side will be redundant. It’s just a case of me getting there.’ He flashed me another smile, the one that said ‘we’re in this together, kiddo.’

‘Well, I’m not sure why you’ve decided I’m the person to help you get to the other side,’ I muttered, a tad petulantly. ‘I haven’t got a clue what you should do and it’s not as if I have any spiritual leanings either. The last time I was in a church was at my cousin’s wedding and I didn’t really pay any attention to the business side of things.’

He leant across the table and laid his hand on mine. It was the most peculiar experience. It felt so natural and yet other-worldly at the same time, sending shivers rippling down my spine.

‘I didn’t decide on you, Alice. That’s the thing. You’ve been specially selected for the job. A bit like those Reader’s Digest promotions your Mum used to get through the post. Obviously someone somewhere thinks you have something to teach me.’

I gulped at the enormity of the situation as the guy from the next-door table gave me a very dubious look. Well, as far as he was concerned, I’d been talking to myself for the last five minutes as well as demolishing everything in sight on the food front; he probably had me down as a complete basket case.

What on earth was it that I, Alice Fletcher, could teach Jimmy Mack?

‘Shall we go then?’ Lexie was back, her wide smile bringing a welcome touch of reality into my world.

‘Great.’ I stood up, picking up my bag before looking back at Jimmy.

‘Oh, don’t worry about me,’ he said, flashing me that smile again. ‘I’ll make my own way back. I’ll probably make it before you. Abracadabra and all that!’

He winked and I watched him evaporate into thin air. That really was some party trick. I couldn’t help giggling and the guy at the table next door quickly looked away, finding his weighty paperback suddenly very interesting just when I caught him looking at me again.

Mad greedy women were to be avoided at all costs, obviously.

Not only did Jimmy make it back home before me, but he was also thoughtful enough to have cleared the mess away, washed up the dirty crockery and made his bed. A piping hot cup of tea was waiting for me on the kitchen table.

‘I could get used to this kind of thing,’ I said smiling, dropping my handbag on the floor. For the briefest moment the thought of sharing my life with someone who would be waiting for me at the end of a hard day with a warm welcome and a glass of something special in hand seemed very appealing. Someone like Jimmy, I thought in a moment of wild fantasy as our eyes met across the kitchen. I fought the urge to run into his arms and attack him with a barrage of kisses.

‘That’s good because you might have to,’ he said, without any trace of humour, clearly not on the same wavelength as me. ‘For a little while at least. It must seem extremely rude me gate-crashing your life uninvited, but hopefully it won’t be for long. Once we find out where I’m supposed to be going then I’ll be out of your hair for good. And you can forget that you ever met me.’

I snorted; that was highly unlikely. How would I ever forget Jimmy? I hadn’t met a ghost before, especially one with such a high profile as Jimmy Mack, so it’s not exactly something that would easily slip my mind.

‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘We’ll work something out.’ I sank down on the sofa realising my plans for having a chilled-out vegging weekend would have to be put on hold. In fact, all plans were on hold for the foreseeable future. I wasn’t entirely disappointed by the fact.

‘I promise, as soon as I can I’ll be out of your way. I could go now if you really wanted me to. Find somewhere to hang out. Do what ghosts do, I suppose.’ He shrugged, smiling. ‘Do a bit of haunting in my spare time. Get my own back on all those people who pissed me off in life.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ I said, casting him a grave glance. ‘You’d get lonely with no one to talk to. I’ve heard about unhappy ghosts and the havoc they can cause. No, you’re much better here with me. Where I can keep an eye on you. Together we can work out what we’re supposed to do with you.’

Although Lord knew what that might be. I scratched my head, frustrated at my lack of resourcefulness. I was way out of my depth, crazily so.

I didn’t want to think about it too closely, but this had to be a commonplace occurrence. People died every day. I was certain they didn’t all go through this stage, wafting around in the ether attaching themselves to some poor unsuspecting human until they had the go-ahead to move on to wherever they were supposed to be going. No, something had clearly gone very wrong in Jimmy’s transition and if we didn’t do something about it soon he could be trapped here like this forever.

‘We need to go back to the crash scene,’ I said, with a sudden sense of urgency.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘The accident! That was where your spirit should have been collected from. I don’t know why it wasn’t, probably an oversight or something, but maybe if we get you back there, then they’ll come for you and you can… um… get taken across… to… well, um, you know.’

‘Hmm, you make it sound like the dustbin collections. If they don’t pick up one week, they’ll catch you second time around. I’m not sure it quite works like that.’

‘Do you have any better ideas?’ I snapped.

Jimmy sighed, dropping his head backwards and gazing up at the ceiling.

‘No, not at the moment. I don’t. I’m just trying to lighten the atmosphere, that’s all.’

‘Well, in that case, if you don’t mind, can we have a go at doing things my way please?’