Penny Joelson - I Have No Secrets

Dad goes out to walk the streets, though I’m sure he still thinks that Finn is in the house.

‘He’ll turn up,’ Sarah assures Mum.

‘You’re sure nothing happened – nothing that upset him?’ Mum asks Sarah.

I look at Sarah’s face. Although she helps out with Finn and Olivia her job is caring for me. Mum’s not being fair.

‘I told you,’ Sarah says crossly, ‘he seemed fine to me – he was lining up cars in his room.’ Sarah looks like she’s going to cry. I want to tell her Mum’s just worried and doesn’t blame her really.

When Dad comes back Mum wants to call the police. Dad wants to wait. They argue. Mum starts really shouting. It’s awful. If only I could tell them. If only Finn would come out. I try to make a noise – gurgling noises that turn into, ‘Ugghh ugghh.’

Dad then blames Mum for upsetting me. I’ve just made things worse.

Sarah comes to comfort me. ‘Don’t worry, Finn will be fine,’ she assures me.

In the end Dad phones the police.

I know that Finn must be able to hear this. He knows who the police are, though I’m not sure if he understands enough to realise the worry he’s causing.

I wonder why he’s hiding. He only does it when he’s really stressed out. Once he hid when his teacher was off sick and he didn’t like the supply teacher. Perhaps the packing has upset him and he’s worried about us being away. That must be it.

Last time he was found after twenty minutes. He was at the back of Mum and Dad’s wardrobe, behind the shoe rack.

Dad says the police are on their way. Mum calls social services too. They have to know he is missing. I feel so sorry for Mum. I’m sure she’s worried they’ll think she’s not looking after us properly.

The doorbell rings.

‘That was quick,’ says Mum, rushing to answer.

I hear a voice I don’t recognise and strain to hear the words. It’s not the police – it’s the window cleaner wanting to be paid.

‘Sorry,’ Mum says, sounding frazzled. ‘Do you mind coming back? We’re having a bit of a crisis. You haven’t seen a small boy wandering down the road, have you?’

I don’t hear the answer. ‘Oh – look, it’s not fair on you. I’ll grab my purse,’ Mum says. She comes into the living room and picks up her bag, without even glancing at me.

‘That’s funny, I’m sure I had more than that,’ she says to herself. ‘Ben! Have you got a tenner handy?’

‘Sure,’ calls Dad. ‘Really, couldn’t he have waited?’

As Dad goes to the door, Mum looks like she’s holding back tears.

When Dad comes back he persuades her to sit down and have a cup of tea while we wait for the police. He pushes me into the kitchen and Mum sits, head in hands, at the table, while Dad puts the kettle on.

Sarah comes in too, followed by a sulky-looking Olivia.

‘Let me do that,’ Sarah tells Dad, getting some mugs out of the cupboard.

‘Can I have a biscuit?’ Olivia asks, spying the tin on the shelf above the mugs.

‘Please,’ Dad reminds her.

Dad pulls down the biscuit tin and opens it. He stares for a moment at the biscuits.

‘Can I have one, pleeeeaaaase ?’ Olivia demands.

‘I think I’ll get the chocolate finger biscuits out,’ Dad says loudly.

That’s a bit weird. I think the stress has got to him. Olivia gives him a confused look. And then it clicks – he’s trying to tempt Finn out. Finger biscuits are Finn’s favourite. He always has to have three so that he can line them up.

Dad puts three on Olivia’s plate and she beams. ‘I’ll put three on a plate here for Finn,’ Dad says.

‘Oh – Finn .’

Finn walks into the kitchen and sits down, grabbing all three biscuits tightly. He doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes, but that’s not unusual.

‘Where have you been?’ Mum demands, as gently as she can manage.

She knows he won’t answer, but I see her shoulders relax with relief as she turns to Dad with a smile.

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