Chantal van Mierlo - Julia Menken

“Mummy.” Mees came running over to her. “We were allowed to have a burger and fries today,” he said with a beaming smile on his face.

The television volume was on low, but Evi was completely fixated on the brightly coloured figures jumping about on the screen. Julia called her name. Evi got up and made her way over to Julia, only wearing a little T-shirt and a nappy which was hanging down by her knees. She grabbed Julia’s face with her chubby little hands and splatted a wet kiss right on her nose. Julia took off the nappy and the smell or urine penetrated her nose. She pushed the fat nappy into the bin and let her walk around with nothing on for the minute.

“Everything alright over here?” she asked.

Daniel was lying right across the sofa, with his iPad on his lap. He didn’t even look up. She walked over to him and bent down to give him a kiss.

“Something wrong?” She sat down with him, on the edge of the sofa. Evi tried to hoist herself up on her leg. “Daniel?”

He sat up and gave her an irritated look. “Everything’s fine.”

“Are we going to have dinner together?”

“The kids had a McDonalds and I had a sandwich. As you didn’t come home the last two days when I had cooked, I decided not to bother today.”

“No problem, I’ll make myself a sandwich.”

She wanted to put her hand through his hair, but he pushed her hand away and got up. Evi had now successfully managed to climb onto her lap and tried to get her attention with as much noise as she could possibly muster up. She carefully put her back down on the floor and followed Daniel, who had disappeared towards the hallway. She closed the kitchen door behind her and left Evi crying on the other side.

“Daniel. I’ve been assigned a really difficult case.”

He was facing away from her and didn’t react.

“A boy was murdered in Arnhem. A teenager. I have been asked to create a profile of the perpetrator and that’s no easy task. Plus time is of the essence, as the guy is still walking around freely.”

“They’re always still walking around freely when they first involve you.”

“It’s different this time. This is a brand new case. The perpetrator can strike again at any moment. I would have preferred not to take this case on myself, but I didn’t have any say in the matter. It would be nice if you could support me.”

He gave her a contemptuous snort and walked up the stairs. “I’m tired. I’m off to bed.”

She stood at the bottom of the stairs with her fists clenched, watched how he walked across the landing and slammed the bedroom door shut behind him. Why couldn’t he bring up the tiniest bit of understanding for her? Everything was about him and his problems, whilst she had been trying to juggle her work and the family for almost two years, everything just to try and protect his delicate little existence. And the one time she needed him, he had decided he couldn’t be bothered.

She opened the door, picked up the crying toddler and gave her a huge hug. “Room for a little dessert?” she whispered in Evi’s ear. The mood instantly changed and she smiled at her through the tears with her beautiful big eyes. “Mees, would you like a yoghurt too?”

Mees turned off the television and sat down at the table. “Where’s daddy gone?”

“He’s gone for a lie down. He’s tired.”

“Where have you been, mummy?”

“I had to work, sweetheart. I’m helping the police to catch a bad guy.” Mees was starting to understand what her work was all about and it was therefore also becoming increasingly harder to flower up what she did. But she didn’t want him to know what she was dealing with on a day to day basis. His innocence had to remain intact for just a little bit longer.

“I didn’t like you not being here. I missed you,” he said in between big mouthfuls of yoghurt.

She grabbed a cloth from the kitchen to mop up the almighty mess Evi was creating on the table. “I know. And I missed you too.” She put her hand through his blonde curls and kissed his forehead. “Do you want to do something fun this weekend?”

His eyes instantly brightened up.

“How about the zoo, or something like that?”

He started rocking on his chair from pure excitement.

*

Daniel didn’t come back down the stairs until the children had gone to bed. This had given her the opportunity to think about their argument. She had allowed herself to be swallowed up by her work over the past few days. Of course she completely understood it wasn’t easy for him either. But she couldn’t see how she could possibly change the situation in the short-term. She had no choice but to focus on her work 100% for as long as Daniel was only working half days. After all, they were financially dependent on her income. She would tell Daniel about the pressure Karel had put on her. She would make another attempt to tell him about Brian. But all of this was no excuse. There was no way she could let her work come in between her and her family. And that’s exactly what she was doing. To seek justice for a boy she had never even known. Whilst Daniel and the children were waiting for her here. They also needed their mother.

“You stink of cigarettes,” Daniel went on the attack before she’d had the chance to say anything. “I thought you had stopped.”

She took in a deep breath. Fantastic reconciliation attempt so far. She didn’t owe him any explanation. “I’m not a child, Daniel.”

“Is that how this is going to go?” He stood in front of her with clenched fists.

“Jesus Christ, act normal, would you? I’ve got quite enough on my plate at the moment.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed that. You’re simply forgetting about us.”

“I called you today.”

“You were wondering how I was doing after two days. Two days, Jules.”

“And you couldn’t have called me?”

“I did on the first day, but you didn’t even bother calling me back. Of course you don’t need to worry about a thing, I’m that idiot who’s at home looking after the kids anyway.”

“You are their father.”

“Yes and my life is limited to that single role. You get back home in the middle of the night and leave for work again without even saying where you’re going. I don’t even know where you’re working, as your colleagues in Zoetermeer told me you had been seconded somewhere. Do you know what that felt like, Jules? I felt so stupid I didn’t even dare ask them where you were. Has it ever crossed your mind that you’re needed here, Julia? That you’re a mother too?”

“Goddammit, Daniel. Could you sink any lower? Of course I know I’m a mum too, but I have to earn a living too.”

“And that’s obviously not something I can do.”

She saw the tears glistening in his eyes. What was all this about? Certainly not about the fact she was working long days.

“Don’t you think I’m fed up with all of this? I’m just sitting here, I can’t get anything done.” He collapsed onto one of the kitchen chairs. “I am a worthless arsehole.”

“Daniel.” The feeling of guilt was weighing down heavy on her. She walked over to him, put her arms around him and pulled him into her. He buried his face into her tummy and started to sob. She tried to find the right words to comfort him, but she couldn’t think what to say.

*

Brian had been dead for a week and they weren’t any closer to catching the perpetrator. Julia was walking behind Diego, they had an appointment with the social worker who worked with the prostitutes in the care zone. It was early in the afternoon and the autumn sun had drenched the derelict plots around De Baan in a golden light.

There was a grey container in front of them which served as a ‘living room’. Diego had explained that the prostitutes were given the opportunity to go there and warm up during the winter months. It was surrounded by a fence. A drive next to the container led to the workplaces, white partitions between which the clients could park their cars and enjoy a cheap bonk.