Elisabeth Jones - Gold Beach

For some seconds we remained in each other’s arms. Elwyn whispered a sincere I love you that widened my soul. Love, fear and hopelessness took over our bodies in a relentless fight of power. He settled by my side and I took shelter in his arms. It was then when I dared to ask about the bandage on his arm.

‘What happened to you? Are you hurt?’ I asked concernedly.

‘No, well, yes, but it’s already healed up. Why don’t you take off the bandage and have a look? You might like it,’ he told me, showing his dimples.

Surprised by his words, I removed the dressing to find, to my complete astonishment, my face tattooed on his arm.

‘If I take the photo you gave me with me, it might be lost, stolen or broken. This way I make sure I’ll always carry you with me.’

‘Elwyn, I don’t know what to say. It’s the last thing I expected, but to be honest, I love it. I love you. You know that, don’t you? I’ll never be able to love somebody like I love you.’

Elwyn’s look became crystallised but before his eyes were clouded, he hugged me and kissed my forehead.

‘I love you too, my Little Turner. No one would ever take your place. Come what may, you’ll always be the only one. Don’t you ever forget it.’

We stayed in each other’s arms until we could control our tears. We only had that night left to be together. Less than ten minutes had gone by when we decided to savour the dinner Peter had sent. I got up, put just my slip on to cover my body and set the table. We had a tasty shepherd’s pie facing each other, barely talking, seized by the anguish of the future ahead. When we’d finished eating, I made some tea to go with the scones. Elwyn’s lips stained with jam were a perfect excuse to sit on him and start kissing him until we ended up making love on that chair, while the night advanced relentlessly. Back on the bed we hugged and began talking to stay awake.

‘When I come back from war, I intend to finish my carpentry classes and, who knows, I may end up teaching at some school. I don’t see myself carving screws in a factory all my life, to be honest.’

‘And what will you do with me?’ I asked, uncertain.

‘With you? Well, simply as soon as I arrive the first thing I’ll do is ask you to marry me and if your aunt stops me, I’ll get you pregnant so she’ll have no choice but to give in. You should know that I plan to start a big family.’

‘How big?’ I asked.

‘Five children seem alright to you?’

‘Five?’ I said, surprised.

‘Yes, five looks like a good number and I even know the names already.’

‘Tell me.’

‘I’d like to call our first-born Philip because I think it’s a name with class. The rest will be easy, Robert and Barbara after your parents, Jennifer after your aunt…’

‘You want to name one of our daughters after my aunt, after the way she’s treating us?’

‘Yes, it’ll be a lesson to her she won’t forget. And if finally I convince you to have a fifth child, I’d like to call him Colin, like my friend. What do you think?’

‘The idea of using my parents’ names thrills me. What about yours, won’t they be annoyed?’

‘Fortunately, they’re still alive and I seriously doubt they’d get upset. And we’ll live happily until death do us part.’

‘Don’t say that,’ I told him, afraid.

‘Elisabeth, look at me. I’m not dying in this war. I’ll die, sure, but as an old man and by your side. We have a long life ahead and many things to do. I’m not letting anyone or anything come between us, so you have no choice but to wait for me. You will, won’t you?’

‘Yes, I will,’ I replied with glassy eyes.

‘Come on, give me a kiss and try to get some sleep.’

‘No, I don’t want to sleep.’

‘All right then, we’ll stay awake until sunrise.’

Dawn light broke in the room to announce that farewell time was coming. The lump clasping my throat forced me to cry. Elwyn couldn’t speak either. We made love slowly, as passionately as if it were the last time. Then we got dressed surrounded by a deathly silence that was only broken to say goodbye.

‘Elisabeth, please, don’t cry, don’t make it harder. Let your smile be the last image I have of you,’ he begged me with flooded eyes.

With a gasped sigh, I managed to stop my tears and give a faint smile burdened with sorrow and fear. ‘You’ll be careful, won’t you?’ I begged. ‘Why, I’m so stupid, how can you be careful in the middle of war? Please, fight with all of your strength, but to come back to me as soon as possible. Will you?’

‘I promise. Be strong, don’t ever lose hope because I’ll return, you hear me? No matter what, I’ll come back for you. Dream of the first sunrise we’ll watch together to never be apart again. You can’t imagine how painful to me is to go away from you. I love you so much. Don’t you ever forget it.’

‘I will. I’ll dream of that sunrise until I live it with you. I love you.’

We clasped each other in a close embrace filled with passion and uncertainty. Elwyn looked at me, kissed my lips shyly and disappeared through the door with a steady pace and not even stopping to close it. The abandonment that came back to stay made me tremble like a helpless child in a world that didn’t care about her life. Anguish made me run to the door to go downstairs and hug him again, but when I heard Peter talking to him, I stood by the door to listen.

‘Don’t be ashamed to cry. It’s the most normal thing. Here, I’ve made you something to eat for the journey.’

‘Thank you very much, Petey,’ Elwyn replied. ‘You’re very kind. I appreciate your hospitality and last night’s dinner very much. May I ask you one last favour?’

‘I’ve been doing it ever since Robert asked me before he went to France, just as you’re going to ask me now. Don’t worry about Elisabeth, I’ll take care of her until you come back, but do come back. Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it this time. Be strong, lad, and come back soon. Come on, let me give you a hug.’

‘Goodbye, Peter, and thanks for everything.’

As I heard him leave, I went to the window. I had a knot in my stomach that hardly let me breathe. I opened the curtains to lean my hands and forehead against the cold glass. Elwyn was walking across the street with determination when he suddenly stopped and turned to look at me. He saw me leaning against the window with the palms of my hands open. He stood still, looking at me for a moment, until he finally raised his hand to say goodbye. He kissed his fingers and pointed them at me. I couldn’t move. I just cried and shook. I saw him clenching his hand tightly. He turned around and started walking to the train station to meet Colin.

I received his last kiss with the bitter feeling that I wouldn’t see him again for a long time. Tears clouded my sight. I closed my eyes because the sole idea of watching him go away was tearing me apart. I cried, not caring about being heard because I felt lonely and abandoned again. Strength disappeared from my body and left me fragile and vulnerable. Gradually, I dropped onto the floor until my body settled like a rag doll. Loneliness had returned to my life with the strong determination to stay with me for a long time. At least I could count on Peter now.

I closed the notebook slowly and put it on the floor beside me. My mother’s past, which I had just discovered, made me weep hopelessly as I became aware of how much my mother would have suffered years ago. I understood many things at that moment. She had a reason to be the way she was. I curled up under my blanket because I was cold but, although it was well into the night, I didn’t feel like sleeping anymore. I couldn’t go back to my room without first learning something more about my mother’s true love.