Elisabeth Jones - Gold Beach

I lowered my face, embarrassed but happy at the same time.

‘I’d love to…’ he started, then my aunt suddenly appeared.

‘What I’d love is that you’d leave the shop, if you’ve got nothing else to buy. And one more thing, if I see you sitting on the bench and watching how we work again, I’ll call the police,’ said my aunt, pointing a finger at him.

I stayed frozen, not knowing how to react and Elwyn straightened up as he heard her and obeyed.

‘I’m sorry I’ve bothered you, madam. It won’t happen again. Have a nice evening.’

He looked at me, nodded and left the shop with a steady pace. As I saw him going away I closed my eyes terrified, not because everything that I would have to hear from my aunt’s mouth but rather because I didn’t know when I would see him again. On Saturday of that same week I received my due punishment for not having charged him for the loaf of bread. My aunt made me clean the bakery thoroughly, from top to bottom and from corner to corner. What a better way to punish me than to deprive me of dancing? When I finished I was so exhausted that I would have been unable to do a single dance step. I didn’t even have dinner, after a wash I went straight to sleep. In my mind there was only him and the anguish of not knowing when I would see him again. Finally the waiting had come to an end.

‘Is he here?’ I asked as I looked over Brenda’s shoulder.

‘Well, of course, didn’t you hear what I said?’ she told me as she took my arm and we set off to meet them.

Colin and Elwyn were waiting for us at the front door of the gym. As we approached, Elwyn’s smile grew wider and wider until the perfect curve for the dimples to appear on his cheeks was completed. Brenda hugged Colin and kissed him as if she didn’t care what people would think of her. I stood motionless in front of Elwyn until Colin introduced us. His first reaction was to lean closer to give me a kiss but he withdrew immediately. What a pity, I thought, surprised at my attitude. The truth is I was dying to kiss him. He held his arm out politely offering his hand and I hurriedly took it. He grabbed it tightly for a moment, as if he didn’t want to let go of me. Colin laughed.

‘You’ll break her hand, Welsh,’ he said, patting him on the back. ‘Come on, let’s get inside, I really feel like dancing and hiding in the dim light.’

Colin put his arm around Brenda’s waist, she winked at me and they disappeared behind the door. The two of us looked at each other for some seconds, caught by a stubborn shyness that wouldn’t let us do anything but smile. Finally Elwyn took my hand shyly and with a succinct, ‘Let’s go,’ we entered the gym. That simple gesture awoke feelings inside me that I had completely forgotten such as those of protection, tenderness… and love? Was I clinging to him to run away from my life, or was it really true that love at first sight existed? I had noticed some boys devouring me with their eyes while I danced on many a Saturday, but none of them had awoken this feeling of joy and such a will to live. I understood now the words of the writer Samuel Smiles: Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey towards it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us. I could only see light, a beginning and happiness ahead of me. The shadows that had been with me for the last four years were left behind.

Once inside, he let go of my hand so slowly that it felt like a caress. We started to look everywhere in search of our friends. Finally Elwyn found them in a dark isolated corner, at the mercy of unrestrained passion. I blushed and looked away from them instantly. Elwyn smiled at me again.

‘I think they won’t be with us for a while,’ he shrugged. ‘Better this way, so we can talk and get to know each other a little. I guess your aunt won’t appear suddenly this time, will she?’

I laughed. ‘No, she won’t come. She’s never come to watch me dance.’

‘Her loss. By the way, don’t tell me you thought that I wouldn’t see you again? If you did, you don’t know me well yet.’

‘Well, the truth is I had my doubts. As you haven’t come back to the bakery…’

‘I wanted to let a few days pass, so she’d think that I’d followed her advice. Besides, I thought that I was going to see you last Saturday, but when you didn’t show up I supposed that your aunt didn’t let you come. If you hadn’t come today, I’d have gone to see you.’

The flashing coloured lights that lit the gymnasium made me feel like I was in a dream, but it was the loud music that I appreciated the most. If I wanted to hear what he was saying, I had to get really close to him, barely an inch apart. Every time he asked me anything, I closed my eyes as if waiting to be kissed. I didn’t even recognise myself. I turned my face slowly as though I could hear through my mouth. I had never felt such an overwhelming desire, that made me forget how a decent girl should behave and envy Brenda’s freedom to let herself go. Besides kissing him, what I most wished for was to hug him. His company had given me back my will to live. By his side, time seemed to have stopped. After a while he took my hand and we headed for the dance floor. Like a professional dancer, he made me spin so my skirt would be shown at its best. I began to take the first steps slowly so he could follow me easily, but I was greatly surprised to discover that, not even a second later, he was setting the pace for that dance. In the end it was me who was following him. People around us stopped dancing to watch us. After some minutes, we were alone on the dance floor, giving a master class on dancing with a partner. When the orchestra finished the song, Elwyn held me up in the air and began to spin, while everybody there burst into applause and cheers. Being in his arms made me feel like an adult woman. He stopped and put me down little by little until my feet touched the floor, his gaze fixed on me. My heart beat at an uncontrollable speed. We were so close to one another that our breathing got mixed together. I wanted to kiss him but my stubborn politeness wouldn’t allow it. Luckily, his was more flexible. When I saw him slowly bring his face closer to mine, I closed my eyes but the magic of the moment disappeared in a flash. Reality came down upon us like a guillotine that cuts your life short in a second. Sirens started to alert us to a new German bombing. His firm hands drew me against him to make me feel safe in his arms. I’d never been as grateful for a bombing as on that day. The music ceased suddenly to make way for the director’s voice who alerted us, microphone in hand, that the Germans were getting closer and that the gymnasium was not safe. He told us that we had to find a safe place as soon as possible. The coloured lights disappeared to give way to the powerful white spotlights, which remained on until the last person came out, before being switched off and fading into the absolute darkness that hung over the city every time there was an air attack. People ran terrified towards the exit. Elwyn held me in his arms and kept me there until the crush at the door vanished. I said that we should be looking for Brenda but his reply was adamant. ‘Colin will take care of her,’ he said holding me tight. When we managed to go out, the street was all in darkness already. Above us the thundering aeroplanes marked the beginning of a very long night. The air raid sirens mixed with the sirens of the fire brigade that had started to speed along the dark streets, deserted but for a few people lagging behind. The debris of the bombed buildings started to fall upon us like hail. Incandescent shrapnel flew through the air as the bombs were going off and fell at our feet as if it were meant to block our way. That bombing seemed like the end of the world. For the first time in those four years, I begged death to let me live for a few more years, but the bombs, the darkness and the fires seemed to have other plans for me. We ran aimlessly. Elwyn pulled my hand with strength so I could follow him in search of a safe place to take refuge, but the sky was swarming with so many planes that wherever you went you couldn’t possibly escape. Exhausted and bowing to our fate, Elwyn cornered me against a building, held me tight and covered my head with his arms. The heat emanating from his agitated breathing made my whole body tremble as I felt it on my neck. I felt so protected that fear disappeared completely. What a sweet way to die, I thought. In my mind there weren’t memories of past years, but quite the opposite, I closed my eyes and dreamed about everything I would have liked to do with him. I cried, only it wasn’t out of fear but out of frustration thinking that I would never get to live it. Time was coming to an end but I couldn’t die without kissing him first. I raised my head slowly to put myself level with his lips. He touched my hair tenderly. I said, ‘Thank you,’ and he replied, ‘To you.’ We kissed as if we were lovers who were being forced apart forever. Our bodies pressed against each other as if they wanted to go through our clothes, my hands around his back prevented him from moving the slightest bit away from me. His hand held the back of my neck with the same purpose while the other one clung to my waist. Could it be that passion might have made a new deal with death? Or maybe love had managed to negotiate with her to let us live a full life? Whichever it was, death would always have the last word.