Elisabeth Jones - Gold Beach

The bombers moved away leaving the city in ruins again. Miraculously, we had survived. People began to come out of their houses to help the wounded; their cries for help made you look in every direction to try to find them. The bombings left behind people buried alive under the debris, children weeping disoriented in search of their parents, firemen trying to put out the fires, relatives shouting the names of those unfound, darkness, fear, death. This wasn’t the time for passion; it was time to be grateful for one more day of life. I hugged him in tears. His words soothed me.

‘Why don’t you come to my place tonight? I don’t think your aunt would do anything to protect you if those Germans come back.’

‘I’d love to, but I can’t. I ought to go home as soon as I can to see if the house is still standing and if my aunt is alright. She’s the only family I have left. You understand, don’t you?’

‘Alright,’ he said, ‘but don’t forget that you have me now. If you need me, I’ll come for you. Petey will help us.’

When I heard that name, something awoke in my mind. It was like if a forgotten, distant memory I couldn’t locate had come back to the present.

‘Who’s Petey?’ I asked.

‘He’s the owner of the pub that’s close to where I live. He’s a nice fellow. He’s helped me a lot since I arrived in Birmingham.’

In my mind, I kept repeating the same question: why is that name familiar?

As we get closer to my house we could see with some relief that everything remained intact. I think that was the first time that I had seen my aunt worried about me. She was standing at the bakery door. She seemed to be waiting for me. When she saw us she made an attempt to reach us but in the end she stood still until we came close to her.

‘Are you alright?’ she asked succinctly.

‘Yes, thank you, aunt. If it hadn’t been for Elwyn I don’t think I’d have survived this time.’

For a moment, that question reminded me of the kindness I had seen in my aunt years ago, but soon the hate showing through her eyes brought me back to reality.

‘Well, thank you, Elwyn,’ she said frowning. ‘Come on, get inside to have dinner, we’ve got to get up early tomorrow.’

She grabbed my arm and I was hauled in with barely a chance to say goodbye. I didn’t even know where he lived, so again, I was left with the uncertainty of not knowing when I would see him again. But this time Elwyn came back sooner than expected, prepared to win the battle. Every day after work, he showed up at the bakery to buy some bread and ask very politely for my aunt’s permission to go for a walk until dinnertime. As day after day she was running out of excuses, she realised that Elwyn wouldn’t rest until he fulfilled his purpose, so in the end she just told me to do what I wanted. From that day on we met on a daily basis in our scant free time until he decided to join the army.

The gymnasium was laid in ashes after the last bombing, so our dancing evenings were over until they rebuilt it over time. Students crammed into the few classrooms that had been left standing to receive their daily lessons and go on with everyday life. Nobody in that city seemed to be depressed but quite the opposite, our self-esteem and pride seemed to keep growing with each bombing we suffered. Ms Connolly received several wounds that kept her away from her classes for a while. Although I missed dancing, now I preferred spending the evenings with Elwyn.

In those fleeting two months that I was with him, my aunt didn’t scold me again. I got up early, made breakfast, did the housework, worked at the bakery, cleaned up, changed my clothes and finally went for a walk with him. My life was meaningful again at last. As the only condition my aunt imposed on us was to go out with Brenda and her boyfriend, they always waited for me at the bakery door to pretend that all four of us spent the evening together. However, as we turned the first corner we went our separate ways. After scouring the city for a place to enjoy some privacy, Elwyn dared to ask me if I wouldn’t mind going with him to where he lived. Although I wanted to, I was fully aware that proposal would get me closer to a border I mustn’t cross. Finally I agreed but I set some conditions he promised to comply with. At least we wouldn’t be cold in his room.

Each day by his side I found it more and more difficult to go back to my aunt’s house. That room felt like my home. We spent the evenings lying on the bed in each other’s arms, with him trying to go a step further and me setting the boundaries against my will, so I chose to keep asking him questions.

‘I still don’t know anything about you. When are you going to tell me about your family? I don’t even know where you were born.’

Elwyn glanced at me with that smile that drove me so crazy. It seemed like he never found the right moment to talk about that matter. In the end I understood why.

‘So the young lady wants to know where I come from. There’ll be time to talk about that.’

After several days of insisting, one evening he came with a letter.

‘What’s this?’ I asked confused.

‘If you’re so interested in learning about my origins, here you have everything written. Read it tonight and tomorrow if you don’t want to be with me, I’ll understand.’

I don’t think I could have stopped loving him, even if he’d confessed to being a murderer in that letter, but the truth is that his words scared me. What reason could he hide for me to decide to break up with him?

The day after, I saw him sitting on the bench opposite the bakery. He didn’t even dare to wait for me at the door as he did every day. When it was time to close, I changed my clothes and came out to meet him. Just as he saw me, he got up and clenched his fists tight. He was nervous. I started to walk slowly towards him but when I saw his rueful complexion, I ran to hug him. His arms held me so tightly that I could hardly breathe.

‘How could you think that I’d leave you after reading the letter you wrote me?’ I reproached him angrily.

‘Thank you,’ he said with a choking voice. ‘You can’t imagine what a horrible night and a distressful day I’ve been through. I don’t know what I’d do if you left me.’

‘I’ll never, you hear me? I’ll never stop loving you.’

‘And I’ll never stop loving you either.’

Only death would have made us break our promises.

It wasn’t even two months after we had met when Brenda came in the bakery one morning with a vacant expression on her face. As I saw her I got afraid thinking she might be ill. She was pale, with shadows under her eyes and she had lost weight.

‘What’s wrong, Brenda?’ I asked her while I took her by her arms. My aunt was serving, so I took the chance to go outdoors and talk with her in private.

‘They’re leaving,’ she said with a wandering gaze. ‘He can’t leave me like this. He can’t go now.’

‘What are you saying?’ I asked her, unaware of what she meant.

‘They’re leaving,’ she told me again, looking into my eyes. ‘They’ve joined the army, Colin and Elwyn. In two days, they’ll set off for the South.’

No matter how hard I tried to speak, words wouldn’t come out. That couldn’t be true. Elwyn would have told me.

‘Colin’s said that Elwyn will tell you too this evening.’

I looked back at her while I kept clutching her arms to stop myself from falling. The abandonment I had managed to forget during those two months fell like an unstoppable millstone upon me. I hugged Brenda, wailing. He couldn’t leave me like this either.

When I saw him coming to the bakery that evening, I went out to meet him. His features confirmed that Brenda had spoken the truth. I ran to him but not to hug him. This time I raised my fists to hit him. Before I did he grasped my wrists and stopped me. I burst into tears hopelessly. When he realised that my arms had given up the fight, he hugged me.