Fia Foss - The Corpo Survival Kit

Have a look into the “I’m so boring” strategy described later in the book. It could be a good idea to start from.

4 “Keep busy” or “look busy”?

Do you know the “keep busy” rule? If not, better get quickly familiar with it. Every boss would like his team to work without unnecessary breaks. If someone has nothing to do, he or she should ask another team member if there is something to do and help them out or find himself/herself another task. So, the rule says not only that you should work all the time, but also that you should get active and responsible for finding yourself a new task.

How to “keep busy”:

1. Be efficient with your work. Finish your job timely and ask your colleagues if you can help them. Don’t worry, your boss will definitely find out about it and you will hear appreciation words back.

2. Send emails to higher managers, if you don’t have anything to do, and ask them if there is something you could help them with. Don’t worry, they will not be surprised with this approach, rather happy that they get free hands ready to work.

3. Speak up, if you have any new ideas how to improve everyone’s work, how to be more efficient. If you have time, implement those ideas by yourself. For sure you will be noticed and appreciated by your boss.

No boss likes to see his subordinates watching films at the office, even though he knows that they are between two projects and have nothing to do.

Stay professional all the time. If you cannot or don’t want to be busy, at least look busy. Don’t let others find out that you are resting and gathering some energy.

How to “look busy”:

1. Don’t watch film/YouTube etc. at your office!

2. You can listen to some music, if you have earphones; however, make sure that:

a. You don’t listen to the music too loud and people around you are not forced to listen to this music too!

b. Control your body while you listen to the music. Don’t dance on the chair, hit the floor according to rhythm with your leg, or play the piano with your fingers on the table.

3. Don’t chit-chat with people in the kitchen for too long. If you have to discuss something, go rather to another floor and meet someone there. Don’t let your boss see you laughing and doing nothing.

4. Get yourself a privacy filter on your laptop screen. It is a black plastic element which you can put on your screen and it will be more difficult for people around you to see what is actually on your screen. If someone asks, you can always say that it is for a “confidentiality” reason.

5. Always keep few “smart-looking” documents open and available with one click. If you only notice someone coming, quickly change your current screen to those smart-looking documents.

6. If your working time is being registered in the system and you can go home earlier in case your working hours per day have been reached, start your day at the office really early, then you can do whatever you want there and there will be no one to watch you for one or two hours before the rest will come.

5 The most common corpo personalities

After some time in the corporation, you will start to see some patterns. You will be able to predict some employees’ behavior and avoid mistakes.

There are some common corpo personalities which you might meet on your way to your success. It is very helpful to understand how those personalities think and react and how to establish a positive relationship with each of them.

Some types are easy to work with (for instance, fish), and some very difficult and dangerous (like the hyena). Some are especially dangerous for new hires (dinosaurs). You should know those types, identify them in your surroundings, and take advantage of this knowledge. Each personality has pros and cons, so try to get as much as you can from each type, and let them speed up your career instead of slow it down due to conflicts and misunderstandings. In the next chapters, you can read about each personality type, and at the end of the book you can try yourself in a test and define your own type.

Remember that there are multiple personalities (according to psychiatrists, some individuals possess even few), so don’t be discouraged if the descriptions below don’t exactly match your current behavior or environment. Open your mind and try to learn as much as possible from this book and then identify even more types on you way. The most important is to identify and understand those personality types and then build a positive relationship with as many types as possible.

6 The corpo hyena

You think people have good hearts and they help each other? How nice … how naïve … and now … WAKE UP! Kindergarten is over, and it is time to start a real life in the corpo jungle.

People in corporations are not your friends! You come to the corporation to get rich and successful, so don’t expect others to let you get to the treasure first. Everyone there devoted his or her time and life and wants to see the results as soon as possible. For many competitive people, these elements are much more important that being nice or friendly or playing fair. Think about it.

The corporation is a place where people earn money and expose their power to others, and this is all that matters there. People who want to be nice and friendly don’t get senior vice president positions, believe me. They also don’t apply to the Big 4 [ 1] or similar companies.

Hyenas are employees who are not on a significant position in the corporation and usually don’t provide a good quality of work. As a result, they are afraid to get fired and therefore developed a weird survival strategy which is based on gossiping. The hyena is walking from desk to desk, kitchen to kitchen, and trying to get as much information as possible. It is not a friendly person. The purpose of this is to collect as much information that could bring the advantage. Hyenas will reveal your secrets to others as soon as they think this could make them look more interesting, respected, or popular. Hyenas don’t care about anybody, just themselves.

Imagine an alien around hyenas. What would you recommend to this alien? To trust hyenas? To rely on hyenas? Think about it every time you have a business meeting or a business lunch with hyenas.

You think I am exaggerating? Wait and you will see …. The corpo is a hard bread, believe me.

Tip: Hyenas are not strong enough to defeat you, so they play unfair and want to trick you. Keep it in your mind.

The faster you understand your surroundings, the faster you will be able to develop a survival strategy and protect yourself. The longer you are left in the fog and have no idea what is going on, the more mistakes you will make and the more upcoming opportunities (promotions, interesting projects, etc.) you will lose.

Sounds terrible? Well … that’s life, and life is a bitch.

On the other hand, hyenas look for attention and possess a lot of internal knowledge. As they are gossiping 80% of their working time, it would not be smart to get in fight with them, don’t you think?

Note/Tip: The most common strategies for hyenas would include avoiding them at all (if you are afraid that you could tell them too much), or trying to get some information from them without giving them too much back. As people working for corpo are not generally idiots, I would not recommend the second strategy. It will work only for a limited time and then the hyena will realize what is going on and can get really upset with you. Try to limit the contact with hyena, and remember: hyenas look for information. If they come to you few times and don’t get anything, they will focus on other people who provide more interesting news. Be polite, but present yourself as the person who is too busy to talk to people and therefore not having any particular news.