StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky - Crazy Detective. Funny detective

– Wait, Harutun,.. come on here syudy? – ordered Klop.

Idot reluctantly approached.

– Sit down. Ottila pointed to a nearby bucket and turned it over, but it was without a bottom. Idot sat down.

– Extend your hands to me, palms down… Here. Now, Harutun, bring the newspaper.

– Where from? apchi.

– Ask your wife..

– Pisyunya, give me a newspaper! apchi.

– Who? Pisyunya?

– Apchi, apchi, apchi … – Harutun turned red

Idot chuckled.

– What are you laughing at? – Ottila turned to the porch. “Izolda, bring the paper here!”

– Take it yourself! Not stepmother grew up! Isolda snarled.

– Go get it. – in a low voice sent corporal Klop. Harutun brought the newspaper in half an hour, Ottila had already managed to align a hundred nails.

– What the fuck did you go for death? Come here.

Ottila took the newspaper and spread it on the anvil.

– Three. – ordered the bug

– Four. – Idot answered in bewilderment.

– What, four?

– Well, three – four – five…

– Are you kidding me? spit in your hands and three, three to holes. Erase all your shit from your hands.

– What for?

– Do you want to demonstrate this in the district police department laboratory?

– No.

– Then three here and fast.

The kid quickly rubbed a ball with a pea and handed it to Klop.

– In? Wow! – surprised Klop.

– Immediately felt, apchi, the hand of a professional.

Ottila pea wrapped in gold from a cigarette under a piece of paper up. And set fire to a lighter. The paper burned and dried the pea. Ottila unfolded and pounded a pea with a hammer. Loosened up with tobacco gutted from a cigarette and scored back. Sealed and completed at the end. I put a twisted piece of cardboard from under the matchbox into the filter place. And with his tongue he moistened the top of the cigarette and lit it. The jamb crunched and the retraction directly sucked to the precinct’s lungs and he remembered Africa. Its open spaces and the jungle. Dancing underneath there with the papuascas stinking out of my mouth. Olivier from the brains of a black man from a neighboring tribe who came for salt. First sex with a hippo and more. In the end, he, pouting like a bubble, held his breath, gradually letting out the gin’s winged smoke in gusts. His blood was enriched with cheerful oxygen and he felt as if he had flown in zero gravity. Everything around was bright and buzzing. Ottila’s childhood came and everything around began to please. The dog climbed out of the booth and, seeing the stupid gaze of the owner, danced and wagged his tail.

– Nothing shit yourself?! – He did not utter his voice, and handed the cigarette to Intsephalopath. – on Harutun, hold on. As an expert, find the difference between shit and shal.

– And I never smoked it. Apchi. I can not.

– Like a cigarette, just do not let out the smoke. I say, do not put it completely in your mouth, leave a gap for supplying air to the lungs and pull in, pull in and not let out. Pull it in and feel it inside of you.

Harutun slowly walked over and picked up the jamb. He smoked, as the boss ordered. After a moment, he turned into a vegetable and dumbed like a turkey.

– Give the kid. – Ottila forgot and ordered Harutun. – Let the joke in front of the prison … – after half an hour Ottila continued – Arutun, alle. What are you soaring about?

– BUT? Give.. – the old man waved and came to his senses. He reached out with a cigarette. Idot took the jamb, puffed and handed it around the district. He began the second round, and soon the Incephalopath finished off the heel.

– Well? – let go of Bedbug. – smoke? What are you smoking, kid?

– Belomor. – I got a pack of Idot and took each a cigarette and myself. Held out. They took and smoked.

– Well, tell me how you legally mowed hemp? – Started Bedbug.

– Heh, can you tell me at the beginning how you apchi legally planted her? – added Harutun.

– Like, heh. – pinned Idot. – on the tractor.

– What are you persecuting, salaga? – Harutun raged. – On a tractor, it scratches. Sit down, bastard! For life!!!

– Yes, sit down, you, otherwise you stand like a hook. There, sit on the porch. – suggested Bed bug corporal.

– In short, the joke was in practice. – the beginning of Idot.

– And who did you study? asked Klop.

– Yes, for a tractor driver-generalist. Well, they sent to the plans, hemp to clean for ropes. A tarpaulin for your UAZ from hemp ropes is sewn.

– Here is how? – surprised Ottila. – So what?

– Well, they put me on a cannabis harvesting machine.

– And what is this? asked Klop.

– Yes. – Confirmed Incephalopath.

– How do you know that? – surprised Klop.

“I am in my youth, Apchi,” Harutun began, but Idot continued:

– … was a drug addict.

– Shut up, puppy! – Harutun was excited. – you play, apchi, you sit down for a long time.

– Calm down, Harutun. – Klop smiled. – continue.

– Well, in my youth I lived and studied in the Caucasus in Sharaga, and we had a subject – agricultural machinery was called. So, we went through a cannabis harvesting machine. She, upchi, clings to Belarus or MTZ-40. Voot, apchi.

– So, what is next? – turned to the kid.

– Well, I’m going upstairs … – continued Idot.

– Like this? asked Klop.

“Yes, like combines, apchi, one after another,” explained Intsephalopath. – only we have a detachment, and, apchi, they have a ladder.

– Clear. So, what is next?

– Well, I’m going. – the beginning of Idot.

– I got drunk right away. – added Klop.

– What, apchi, hemp is the sea. – pinned Harutun.

– No, chief, we were taken to a tractor by an UAZ with a district police officer and a nurse. A bash with a ranetka could be carried, but no more. The doctor constantly puts pressure on hold. There are no windows on the tractor, the heat, only the roof and the wind, both from the stove and the buzz walks. For four hours the shift is so breathing that smoking is not necessary. After all, you are in it yourself. Here. And across the fields along the road between the nickels, in a jeep, the Kazakhs catch the tractor and drive up, shouting: “Open the drum. Yes.”, But if you don’t open it, they will kill. So you obey. You clean the drum blades from dusting, and the dust is Galimovy hash.

For this they throw bucks into the cab and dump. Up to five kilograms pulled weight, count, pent!? The match head for three hours covers five. This is the topic.

– And so few, and three? – asked son Izya, who quietly eavesdropped. – to try.

– Well, he jumped into the house, jerk. Can’t you see I’m interrogating?

– Let him listen, it’s legal and instructive – the mother, who also warmed her ear, interrupted. – what’s next, going?

– Well, in short, I’m traveling, the buzz is flying and it has covered me, but I didn’t rub it, I just sniffed the air. And I look, the partner is driving in front, and he will jump out of the tractor and run to the side, and the tractor is still going. I look in the mirror, and in it a UAZ policeman and a doctor approach a shift change. I’m not on the spot. And from the UAZ, the pent ran out after the runaway sidekick to catch up.

– And why did he drive so, do you reproach? – bug Klop.

– Smoked, moron, before the mowing. And the buzz of wind, in general, tore down the poor fellow’s tower and it seemed to him that he was mowing the flies on the plans for planned ones, in your opinion – drug couriers. And then, by type, the pentes burned. Well, he is to blame.

– Hi hah hoh huh huh. – Klop chuckled, and Harutun hung, somewhere in the Caucasus … – and what, they caught?